Remove Passivity And Take Responsibility For Your Actions
Pivot from would, should, could to YES I CAN AND WILL!
Do you ever catch yourself saying you’ll do something and it never happens? Days fly by, and once again, you notice yourself verbalizing the same idea. However, the action doesn’t materialize. Yes, I was this person. Chances are, from time to time, you are too. Passiveness and inactivity don’t feel right. An inner conflict materializes when we know something is missing from our lives. Let’s examine how to pivot from using passive language to an active voice and stance to take personal responsibility for our lives. We will consider new possibilities through the lens of Gestalt psychotherapy practices.
Would, should, and could are passive words.
- Would you consider my request?
- Should you be doing that?
- Could you see about making the change?
What if there is a better way to speak in an active voice? Let’s rephrase the above questions:
- Will you consider my request?
- What do you think about your actions?
- Will you make the change?
When we move away from passive verbs and use our active voice, we take greater responsibility for ourselves. We allow others to provide a more accurate or robust response, and the dialog exchange allows for more profound clarity and precision.
For example, the above question, “should you be doing that?” permits ambiguity. Some potential responses may be:
I’m not sure let me think about it. I don’t know what do you think? No, maybe not Yes, perhaps this is OK
The inquiry “what do you think of your actions?” is specific and direct. There is a more significant opportunity for the person answering the question to provide a clear-cut response.
“I think my actions were justified yesterday when I wasn’t able to pick up the groceries. School ran overtime and the store was closed.”
The Gestalt Psychotherapy Response to Should
Gestalt psychotherapy is a modality or “type” of therapy practice. There is a specific school of thought surrounding the use of passive words and, of most importance, the word “should.” Gestalttheory.com explains:
Gestalt therapy does not comprise “shoulds”. Independence and the determination of self for the patient are more important than different values in Gestalt therapy. This is no such connotation the one should have. It is rather a preference. The no-should ethic is a priority over the goals the therapist set for the client and passes to the patient the responsibility approving his behavior.
What does the above quote mean? It boils down to the individual taking personal responsibility for their words and actions.
If you’re new to Gestalt psychotherapy and want to learn more, read this:
The Gestalt Psychotherapy Response to Personal Responsibility
Gestalt psychotherapy is an existential and experiential form of psychotherapy that emphasizes personal responsibility. This form of therapy allows clients the opportunity to own and accept their experiences.
According to the research paper “The Issue of Responsibility in Gestalt Therapy,” from the American Psychological Association, Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt, stressed responsibility as:
a means of emphasizing “self-as-source,” and seemed to reject the notion of obligation for others. It is maintained that these 2 aspects are connected: the more a person recognizes himself as the creator of what he does, the more he will see his responsibility for the effect he has on others.
If we are the “creators” of our world and the “source” of our actions, we are our very own personal responsibility keepers. Exploringyourmind.com considers taking responsibility as a great deal of self-commitment.
Its purpose is to help us be more aware of what is happening inside us. To perceive it, accept it and then encourage more active behavior using these changes.
The Challenge
Over the next seven days, observe how often you use the passive words “would, should and could.” What actions do you talk about with individuals? Pretend you’re an outsider watching how you converse with other people. Be curious. Ask yourself the following ten questions:
- Do you pause and replace the passive voice to active?
- Do you speak passively with certain people?
- If so, who?
- Why do you believe this is the case?
- When you say you’re going to do something, how often does “it” happen?
- If “it” doesn’t happen, how come?
- Who do you feel is holding you back?
- How do you feel when “it” doesn’t happen? Where do you feel “it” in your body?
- How do you feel when “it” does happen? Where do you notice the sensation in your body?
- How can you allow that positive feeling to live longer within you?
The conscious shift from passive to active in language and actions changes the nature and quality of your conversations, coupled with establishing an attitude of personal responsibility. The transformation is your north star, the guiding light filling you with a joyful sense of purpose.
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