MOUTHING OFF

Sweary Mommy’s Iconic New Logo is Here, and it Will Spank You Silly

Don’t make us get the paddle

Sweary Mommy’s had a bit of work done.

She’s shed her bikini and put on her grown-ass-woman clothes. Put the hair up into a classy bouffant. Botoxed herself into an impassive oblivion, as one does.

The lipstick even matches the headband and earrings, if you know what I’m saying.

If you’re looking for graphic design work for a publication —or a mockup for your next Adam Levine tattoo — and you don’t know any Andy-Warhol types IRL, 99designs [external link] is pretty spiffy.¹ ¹ While this website plug may be shameless, I do not earn a kickback for promoting it. It’s just that the designers were surprisingly good.

In other hard-hitting news, there’s a new spinoff publication. Rejoice! Fresh from the storied loins of Sweary Mommy a dedicated smut-pub is born.

Glory, glory alleluia or something, [insert religious exclamations, etc]!

I, I mean, the editor, was thinking about calling it For Smut’s Sake. But my husband thinks that for this new pub, we should lean into the “suggestive” aspect and lean out — at least a little bit — from humor. And we always let Joe wear the Daddy Pants around here. (No, not these [external link]. Jesus. Haven’t you ever seen “Austin Powers”?)

So for now, herrrre she blows:

Spinoff Pub’s (Preliminary) Name: Slutty Mommy

WTF is it? “Smut for Him and Her.” In other words, this will be couple’s erotica that often includes true, anonymized stories. Some stories will be fictional. And they won’t necessarily pander strictly to male-identifying humans, nor to women or nonbinary peeps. Furthermore, the publication won’t be too soft or too hardcore.

And Slutty Mommy may or may not be edited by the person who edits Sweary Mommy, but under a different pen name, *cough* COUGHHH.

My allergies are really getting bad this winter.

Anywho. This spinoff pub will not necessarily contain the smuttiest smut that ever smat. But it won’t not, either. In any case, it’s gonna be somethin’.

Its inaugural stories are below:

Where are the submission guidelines for Slutty Mommy? They’re coming soon to a Pee-Wee-Herman theater near you. Speaking of whom, obviously we’ll adhere to the Medium TOU. Nothing abusive or criminal. Or involving mammals with prehensile genitalia, Carol Lennox.

Spanking scenes are at the editor’s discretion.

Who’s gonna edit this shit? Some chick named LV, I guess. Looks like she’s new here.

Will Sweary Mommy still be a thing, and a raunchy thing at that? Fuck yes. Just because SwM had a baby doesn’t mean she’s no longer a sexual being, Becky. Maybe said-baby publication should be called Sweary Sugar Baby instead, though.

Or maybe that’ll just be its name on OnlyFans.

Questions? Concerns? Prompts? Pointless anecdotes? Filthy propositions?

Hit me up in the comments section.

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