Survival Guide: 5 Traits Of Highly Obsessive Ex

Your ex just wishes to be loved like you love your new partner.

I am not proud to say this, but I have known some highly obsessive women throughout my life. I even considered them my friends. They were very good at manipulating and presenting themselves in a different light, while they were truly something else — dangerous.

Just lately my good friend has confided to me with an issue, his ex is trying to re-enter his life and create havoc in his stable and loving marriage. He has separated from his ex ages ago, and they were never in a “relationship”. It was more of a hookup, but somehow she just keeps coming back.

I’ve known him for years, and recently he got married to the love of his life.

Suddenly “out of the bottom from the shit-pit” a shadow as his ex re-emerged and threatened his happiness.

Unfortunately, it's a common story among ex-couples: you end the “relationship”, but the ex’s unresolved feelings over the breakup prevent you from living the new amazing and better life in peace. Even after multiple phone calls to the police, his furious ex continues the drama just like the story of Betty Broderick.

I found out that obsessive people are highly destructive and resemble chameleons. They know how to blend in, but if you look closely, you can catch that lizard off guard.

So upon my research, I have found a list of traits that give away these highly destructive creatures. Here they are:

1. They try to keep in touch with you, no matter what.

It’s not healthy to keep in touch with your ex frequently. If you have noticed that the ex is trying to constantly contact you, rather stay away. There won’t come any good from it.

Instead of focusing on their own lives, they wish to know every single detail about yours. Even if you 10.000 miles away and haven’t spoken to them in years, somehow they will still reach you. Crazy right?

Don’t respond because contacting an ex will get their hopes up and make them believe you are thinking about them. Every time you like their photos or answer a text, you give the crazies chance to create havoc. Block them, their families and friends from looking at your social media.

Very often, ex has others who are helping them stalk and harass you.

2. They can’t stand that you are happier without them.

You should watch for comments like “not everyone could afford to do things as you do” or belittle your achievements, friends or your new partner. These are signs of unrestrained jealousy.

Often these arise when the ex sees you happy with someone else. In a “normal” relationship, after a breakup, both parties go separate ways. But not in the case of the obsessive ex, they won’t just go away. They will stay, cling, intrude and they will live with the idea that the relationship never ended.

Perhaps the ex still has secret feelings for you, or perhaps their own relationship currently sucks, and they are hoping that one day you would come back to them. There can be many unreasonable excuses why the ex-partner is very jealous of your new life.

The ex could feel like they have lost some control over you that they thought they had and it pains them very much.

3. They wish they could go back to as it was — whatever that was.

Very often the obsessive ex still believes that there is a chance that you two will get back together, they are unable to accept that the relationship is over. It was over two decades ago, or perhaps it never started!

It’s crucial to set the boundaries and keep and guard yourself against them. They may even try to “guilt” trap you somehow, don’t let them fool you. Never take cases like these lightly because these obsessions could grow into something more sinister.

It’s essential to stay emotionally strong and don’t let your ex control your internal state. Remind yourself that their emotions are not your responsibility and never were. Refuse to acknowledge their attempts to guilt you into doing something you don’t want to.

Stay away from them or report them to authorities. Ideally, do both.

4. They may have a serious “hidden” mental health diagnosis.

Being obsessive is dangerous. Very often people who display obsessive and destructive tendencies tend to suffer from a variety of serious mental health conditions. They may have even been hospitalized on multiple occasions due to their “relationship” breakdowns.

They can’t stand when people leave them when they realize who are they dealing with. The issues are that these people don’t change, with age they only get worse and more dangerous. Therefore, it's advised to stay as far away as possible from these crazies, they need professional help!

They have unresolved emotional pain and psychological disorders. But this is not why they are feeling the way they are.

They are feeling this way because they are just not well. They are not affected by logic or reason. They are still reliving the break-up even after 20 years has passed. You can’t help them, nor you should.

5. They just wish to be loved like you love your new partner.

People who are obsessive usually don’t value themselves much. They see everyone who comes as a threat because they are scared of losing attention. For them, attention equals love.

All they want is to be loved, but the issue is that they are incapable of love until they start working on themselves and change how they treat others.

Often they want to block everything you have going for you using extreme means. They wonder, “Why didn’t he/she choose me?” when they see you happy with someone else.

They are stuck in a confused state. When they find out that their ex is sleeping with someone else or is married and happy, they curl up on their sofa. Put the blanket on, take out some anti-anxiety pills and a glass of wine, and there it goes — a shitstorm in their head.

It’s a like stab in the gut. The sticky sweat on the forehead. Kitty-cat has been immobilized. The waves of rage, agony, self-doubt, anxiety, resentment are crashing over her. She is overwhelmed by a storm of emotions. It feels like her blood has been replaced with Arctic water: icy and stinging at the same time. Her one and only, the man that she wished to control so much, that she hoped would serve her has moved on and has forgotten about her!

So Kitty-cat thinks:

“Is he on his motorcycle right now? What if he is taking her to that restaurant I always wanted to go to. Are they holding hands right now? Oh, they must. He never wished to hold my palms. I am sure they’re making out. Maybe they are having sex right now?! What if they skipped the motorcycle and decided to spend the day in bed with breakfast? Why didn’t he just stay with me?!”

Obsessive ex can’t stop thinking about you 24/7, and its disturbing. Whatever way you choose to do with the situation, remain calm and firm in your decision. In your decision to lead a happy, calm and ex-free life!

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