Struggling With Emotional Battles? Follow These 3 Bold Steps to Let Them Go
Emotions are a secret gateway that leads you to a special relationship with yourself.
Do your emotions spill all over the place when things go out of your hands? Are you stuck in your life and feel there is no way out? Do you blame yourself and others for your situations?
Well, you are not alone.
Emotions rule our lives. We may argue otherwise, but we are emotional animals. Our whole life, we try to bond with someone beautifully.
But we often forget those bonds can never happen until we build a satisfying relationship with ourselves.
It is easier said than done. That is why most people try to control outside situations. Because working on yourself is hard work.
Life’s train goes from terrible terrains of emotions to reach a beautiful destination. But once you understand the dark nights, bursts of sunshine are not far.
Stop Running *Away* From Uncomfortable Situations
As the sun was going for a rest, my fingers were scrolling through Facebook. A post halted my eyes. My friend posted some words that were hard to make sense of.
Knowing her for some time, I knew she was not okay. I immediately called her. She burst into anger.
"Why are love and happiness so difficult to find? I've gone through much misery, and I don't even know if I'll ever find love or joy. People radiate with happiness. Their life seems so fulfilling. But my life is such a sh*t. What have I done wrong to deserve a loveless life of responsibilities? I don't even know what I want anymore."
The anger was not misplaced. Her frustration was genuine.
Life is not simple. Living is a task when everything seems to crash on you.
Sometimes, the irritation is so much that we can no longer handle it. It gushes out immediately.
Then we (failingly) try to control it. Control the emotions or situations. And when we can't, we feel more disappointed and frustrated.
The cycle of getting frustrated, losing out cool, and trying to control things goes on our entire life.
The whole attempt is to live comfortably while avoiding painful situations. You can never avoid them. Even Queen Elizabeth had her share of problems.
Hiding is not the answer. Ignoring is also not a solution. But acceptance can be a game changer.
Many times we feel hurt not because of a specific circumstance. But because the present situation (somewhere) triggered your unhealed past.
When you enter accepting mode, you stop running away from that situation. It then becomes the starting point of your healing.
Accept Your Uncomfortable Emotions
If I had soothed my friend with some words, it would have only helped her temporarily. On the contrary, I asked some tough questions.
I asked her to remain in that uncomfortable not-knowing.
Our minds are not adapted to staying in restlessness. But once you become aware of it, you can handle similar future conditions.
Most emotional agitations are short-lived if we allow them to happen. But we are accustomed to shifting our focus as soon as uneasiness arises. It will only help momentarily.
However, "awareness" is the permanent solution.
Awareness of the emotions as they arise. Awareness of the unconscious actions you have been acting from. Awareness of your internal environment.
It happens when you don’t escape uncomfortable situations and emotions by not prioritizing temporary comfort. But by understanding what exactly makes you tense.
Start by taking it slowly.
Because the age-old habit of hiding (from your negative emotions) won't go within a week or month. Awareness helps you to identify them and stand your ground.
Remember the last time you said something out of context? Can you recall after how many minutes/hours/days you could identify that you said something irrationally?
It takes time to look back and recognize our fit of emotional vomit.
But when you allow awareness to rise slowly, you'd be able to recognize your emotional volcano way before it erupts.
Support Your Negative Emotions. Find an Expression
Negative emotions are not always easy to handle. We either bury them within ourselves or drown in their tsunami.
The extremes are dangerous for your mental health. Find a middle way to deal with them.
While on the spiritual path, I'd often experience immense agitations within myself. A fit of rage, sorrow, and helplessness.
My spiritual mentor advised, "Express these emotions in a closed room."
"In a closed room? Where there is no one to listen to me or understand me!"
He said, "Yes. I want you to make your sanctuary of a safe space to puke your thoughts, emotions, and everything inside you. You don't want anyone to get stained; that is why a closed room. You don't want to strain your relationships, so you have to be alone. You want to be truthful to yourself; that is why expression."
I could hardly understand it. But I didn't have the strength to argue it. I did what he told me.
Once,
Twice,
Thrice,
And many times. Till I was free from the stickiness of that negativity.
Slowly a new wave of peace dawned upon me.
It not only dissolved every negativity. But it cleansed my inner mirror. Awareness and clarity arose within.
Peace, lightness, and silence became my new state of being.
Nobody can escape emotions. It is what makes us human. But the highest service you can do to yourself is to be respectful towards your negative emotions.
They arise for a reason. They want to get a release from you. That is why they come now and then and make you feel their presence.
Take a cue.
Be with them. Help them to exit you. Express them in a safe, enclosed space alone.
You can cry, weep, dance, or kick in the air. Allow them to get a safe passage. You can also use creativity to let go of the density within you.
I wrote poems, grounded myself in gardening and walks in nature, and did embroidery. I sang and cried to sad songs till my heart felt light.
It is not always necessary to share your feelings if you don't want to. You can share them if you wish. But remain shamelessly truthful to yourself. That is your weapon and your healing mantra.
Takeaways
We all sink in our emotions from time to time. Now is the time to float and get the upper hand. Use uncomfortable situations to get out of their rut.
Don't run away. Stand your ground and look in the face of fear. Accept that you are not okay. Be with your negativity and allow it to find expression through you.
Ironically, the path to inner peace goes through misery. Untangle your emotional knots to heal, stabilize and live in complete harmony.
“The day is not only God’s, the night is his also.” ― Osho
© Copyright Ruchi Thalwal, 2022
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