Strangers don’t overstep bounds, and acquaintances don’t cross the line.

Maintaining a sense of distance is the minimum respect for others.

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Chinese people have always valued propriety in their interactions. Before engaging with others, we set boundaries in our hearts. Though invisible, these boundaries are not to be underestimated. For example, we decide which circle to include others in by assessing the relationship between us. When facing strangers and acquaintances, we maintain different social distances and choose slightly different ways of interacting.

However, some people’s personal space is broader, and their circle of friends can accommodate more people. They can quickly blend in with others. Even if you have not known them for long, you might feel as if they have been your friend for years. These people are referred to as “naturally sociable.”

The quick shift from “me” and “you” to “us” is largely due to the “efforts” of naturally sociable individuals. Those who are good at being naturally sociable not only have good relationships with others but also often find themselves surrounded by good fortune. No wonder many people see being naturally sociable as an essential skill. Regardless of whether they are naturally sociable, they desire to play this role to make themselves more likable in social interactions.

However, the issue with being naturally sociable can be bothersome because being too close to everyone can lead to crossing interpersonal boundaries. More precisely, naturally sociable people often fail to maintain appropriate social distances and don’t follow the typical processes of social interaction, frequently making others feel abrupt and offended. Especially when encountering introverted strangers, your natural sociability can be a painful ordeal for them.

Recently, Eric unfortunately encountered a naturally sociable neighbor.

Last month, when Eric had just moved into a new home and hadn’t yet settled in, the lady across the hall peeked out, watching her: “Girl, you’re new here, right? From now on, we’re neighbors. If you need anything, just say the word, don’t be shy!”

Eric was touched by the neighborliness and quickly said “thank you” a few times.

Then came a “knock knock knock” at the door. Eric opened it to find the lady from across the hall, saying she wanted to come in and look around. She wandered around the room, constantly commenting, “Young ladies love beauty; your place is so nicely arranged. Did you buy this house, or are you renting?”

When she heard that Eric had bought the house, the lady praised her and asked, “Where do you work? How much do you earn a month?” When it came to her being a piano teacher at a music store, the lady’s eyes lit up: “Then could you teach my daughter?”

“Our music store isn’t far,” Eric suggested. “You could take your child there to sign up.”

“Music stores are definitely expensive, it’s fine to just ask you,” the lady said unapologetically. “Just squeeze in an hour each day; we’re practically acquaintances now. We’ll inevitably need to help each other out in the future, so if you could do it for free, that would be best.”

Eric complained to her friends that being acquainted for just a few minutes doesn’t really count as being close. She thought she’d get along well with a neighbor who seemed approachable, but she didn’t expect her to be so impolite, completely disregarding Eric’s feelings, and treating her not at all like a stranger.

Psychological studies have found that what often bothers us is not coldness but excessive enthusiasm, lacking boundaries, and a sense of distance.

Osamu Dazai said in “No Longer Human,” “So-called enthusiasm is disregarding the other’s position.” The reason naturally sociable people are often unwelcome is precisely because they fail to grasp the boundaries of interpersonal interactions, do not maintain the established social distances, and handle them improperly, causing various troubles for others like Eric.

Although being naturally sociable can act as an emotional “catalyst” to some extent, displaying unusual enthusiasm upon first meeting, without mutual understanding, can easily make one party feel embarrassed. Especially in modern society, where most people value personal space and have a strong sense of private domain, even when interacting with acquaintances, they maintain a certain social distance, let alone complete strangers. The natural sociability of strangers often makes people wary and defensive.

Interpersonal interactions require a sense of distance, which is a form of respect for each other. Simply put, strangers should not overstep bounds, and acquaintances should not cross the line.

When we are still strangers, wanting to develop a relationship should be gradual. After all, any stable relationship cannot be built in a short time; the principle of “haste makes waste” should be understood by all. If one tries to curry favor by feigning enthusiasm, hoping to gain others’ trust and benefits through being naturally sociable, it might work temporarily but not in the long term. True friendship is often not determined by the intimacy of the first meeting. As the saying goes, “time reveals a person’s character,” and that’s exactly the point.

Even among acquaintances, it’s necessary to maintain a sense of distance and boundary. Even between parents and children, husbands and wives, appropriate personal space should be maintained without rashly invading another’s personal space. This is basic etiquette and necessary propriety.

Remember, strangers should not overstep bounds, and acquaintances should not cross the line. Keeping this rule in mind will make interactions comfortable for everyone.