Stop Trying, Begin Allowing

Simple wisdom from mindfulness to help you find more ease

“How can it help me if I’m not supposed to try to change anything?”

I remember thinking to myself when I first heard of the notion that the purpose of mindfulness is not to change anything, but to simply allow. As I begin deepening my practice in my training as a mindfulness meditation teacher, I started to experience this powerful concept and yet again found myself in unfamiliar territory.

As a society we are so used to pushing, trying, being more, wanting more — we forget the quiet wisdom of simply observing and witnessing everything as it is. We are used to quick-fixes and silencing our emotions by using external distractions. We are used to trying — trying to get rid of our discomfort, trying to change a difficult feeling, and trying to avoid the pain whether it’s physical or emotional.

“Mindfulness is a way of befriending ourselves and our experience.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn

What if we simply stayed curious with ourselves, and accept whatever there is for us in this moment? What if we open up to fully experience what’s arising, and let it flow through us, just like a gentle stream, gently passing by. We all have these tendencies to ‘fix’ things before fully acknowledging what our experiences and emotions are informing us.

An example would be from my recent practice with my meditation partner, where I guided him through a body scan and he recognised the imbalance of his body where the left-side was aching more than the other side. My immediate thoughts were — ‘ What do I do with this? How can I help him? How can I stop his left-side aching?’

All these thoughts are only natural as we all want to help and support positive changes. However, I quickly realised that this was not the point of the practice, but rather it was to guide him to deepen his curiosity and awareness, and holding this space of witnessing in the here and now.

It was such a profound experience to acknowledge my pattern of ‘fixing’ and trying, that sense of pushing that was so ingrained in me. When we begin to allow sensations, emotions and everything that’s arising in our space to be, we find so much peace and ease in the process.

And yes — this requires practice. It’s a new way of being, and a kinder and wiser way to live. Everything that we so long and seek for is actually within us. In that practice, I returned to the state of curious awareness and encouraged him to lean into the discomfort and simply observe.

“What would it be like if I could accept life — accept this moment — exactly as it is?” — Tara Brach

I encourage you to explore your world through this lens of allowing and accepting. Tap into the space where you witness your own breath coming in, and out, your thoughts arising, and passing away. You’ll begin to realise that it’s not the thoughts or the pain that’s the problem, it’s the attachment to that which is causing your suffering. It’s the resistance that’s holding you back from peace.

Stay open and curious with yourself and your sensations — they are here for a reason.

Remember:

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” — Pema Chödrön

Find a moment of stillness now, and start noticing what’s coming up for you at this very moment. Notice even that sense of ‘trying’ to find peace. Acknowledge it. Acknowledge the full experience of your life and every moment as it has a lot to offer if you are willing to be open to receiving the lessons.

If you’ve enjoyed this piece, here are some of my other work that can support your journey towards a mindful living:

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