Stop Thinking Too Much

Easier Said Than Done Series #1

Christina wrote this beautiful article with the title “Let Go Of People That Don’t Contribute To Your Happiness”. It felt so true to me, but I admitted that I am struggling with this.

Her answer inspired me to start a series with things that are “easier said than done”.

These bits of advice are true, yet they don’t help when we hear them. It is not like a switch you flip, and the light goes on. Usually, awareness and hard work are required.

It takes time before the positive results show. Also, the journey is not straightforward. On some days, you feel like you have overcome the obstacle, but the next day teaches you to know better.

To kick it off, I want to talk about overthinking.

I don’t need to describe how overthinking sucks out the positive energy inside your body. As time progresses, everything starts to become gray and hopeless.

The consequences turn into catastrophes and the world is about to implode. A pebble on the way turns into a mountain.

We all have been there, but the reason how we get there can be super diverse.

The illusion of control and certainty

Before I started to publish stories on Medium, I thought about the right strategy and the right platform for months.

I wondered where I would grow my audience the quickest and where I could earn the most money. As long as I didn’t make a choice, I felt like I was in control.

With the open choice of a platform, I still had control. Or at least the illusion of it.

But there is more to it. As long as I didn’t start writing, I could still dream about becoming a writer and having this steep climb to being rich. I didn’t have to face a very uncertain future.

Perfectionism

Very close to the first root cause of overthinking, this one comes into place. I would say that they often come together.

When I plan something, I find myself trying to foresee all the small details. If possible, I want to take into account everything that could go wrong.

Only, when everything is clear, calculated, and perfect in my head, I will start to do it.

This stage will never come, thou. Creating perfection in my head is keeping me from even creating one bit of this dream in reality.

The fear of conflict

Are you ever preparing your sentences before you tackle a difficult conversation?

Do you even think about possible answers?

Do you reshape your words to soften possible harsh replies?

There are only a few conversations I don’t draft before starting them.

Other humans are one of the biggest factors of uncertainty. We simply can’t control them.

Besides, nobody wants to fight. When we dig deep, we all crave love. But at the same time, this is also holding us back to create that connection.

Instead of facing the fear, we spent our time having conversations in our heads.

Secondary gain

This point is interesting and actually less obvious to me. After I thought about it for a little, I spot it in other people and in myself more.

In this case, you don’t even expect positive benefits from overthinking itself, but from something that results from it.

Maybe, you know that your partner will notice, and afterward, he will give you more attention and love. It could be your strategy to receiving pity and sympathy.

In other social groups, thinking is a legit excuse for avoiding decisions and procrastination. They will praise your thoughtfulness instead of seeing behind the mask.

Overgeneralization

Our brain is trained to remember what helped us to experience pleasure or pain. Successful strategies will be repeated.

Maybe in the past, thinking about a problem helped you to solve it. This is not even unlikely. Now, our brain is using this approach over and over again.

Unfortunately, it might also be applied to issues that will never be solved with thinking.

There is this saying: To a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Thus, thinking, in general, might not be the problem, it is more the individual application case. We are overgeneralizing this problem-solving strategy.

In my opinion, it is important to understand where your tendency to overthink comes from. This is a way toward solving the problem at the root.

But I don’t always have the energy and the time for it. Therefore, I like strategies to deal with it in the situation itself. The digging deep part can wait until I feel more ready for it.

Accepts your thoughts and be compassionate with yourself

The more awareness of my tendency to overthink my feelings and my problems, the easier it becomes to do something about it.

It is still not simple, but I no longer feel like a slave to my unstoppable thoughts.

We tend to be our own worse critics. Solely, acknowledging and accepting my thoughts and the feelings I have about my thoughts helps.

Sometimes, I actually say to myself: “It is okay to think this. It is okay to feel ashamed for it.”

This doesn’t make my thoughts go away, but I feel better, which gives me the energy to take another step.

Talk about it or make a brain dump

As long as thoughts are only in my head, they are as knotted as my headphones after throwing them in my bag for three hours.

I can think and feel ten things at a time. When I write or talk, I have to finish one phrase. One string of thoughts. Only afterward, I can go on with the next one.

You decide whether you are more of a talker or a writer.

When you write, you don’t have to fear judgment or misunderstanding.

When you speak about your thoughts, you can get feedback and input that helps you to move ahead.

Get it out of your head. There might even be waiting a flash of inspiration for you.

Take action

What we forget over and over again:

You can’t think your way out.

Juggling one hundred different scenarios around in your head doesn’t bring you forward.

Just taking one tiny little step will give you new information. If it is necessary, you can still rethink it then. Almost no decisions are irreversible. Remember that as you step outside your labyrinth of thoughts and walk the walk.

Taking action can also be simply moving your body! Exercise and walks in nature are great starting points.

Meditate

A part of me doesn’t want to include meditation, because these days it is presented as a solution for all our problems. Yet, it would feel wrong to leave it out.

Even if it feels unbearable to sit still with all these thoughts spinning in your head, it will help to calm them down.

Focussing on your breath gets you out of your mind and into your body.

Do something nice for someone else

In the end, when we overthink, we are in a very self-centric place. At least for me, it feels like I am the only person struggling. The world is turning for my problems.

That is not true, of course. That’s why going out and doing something for another person can put things back into perspective.

It brings back the feeling of connection.

Final thoughts

I have always been a person to think things through in the first step. Yet, I have developed awareness when I overdo it.

So can you!

Find out why you are overthinking and work on these triggers! Try different strategies and take the one that suits you!

Don’t let anyone ever tell you what works best for you!

Please check out more of Christina’s articles. I highly recommend all of them! Also, thank you for being my biggest fan on this platform!

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