Stop Adapting Your Goals to Your Circumstances

Increase your chances of “making it” with these simple steps

Let me be brutally honest.

The only thing stopping you from making it in life is you.

There, I said it.

You have been virtually slapped in the face — what are you going to do about it?

One of the biggest obstacles in life is a lack of goals. Without them, you have no purpose. And with no purpose, well, what’s the point?

And nobody but you can set your goals.

We are only hurting ourselves when we blame our circumstances for not doing what we want. But we are not solely responsible — we were taught by society to lower our standards. Our big dreams when we were little to become pop stars, doctors, and astronauts are easily dismissed when grownups laugh and put us off with their words of wisdom:

“You know, everybody wants to be a pop star.”

“It’s very expensive to become a doctor.”

“You need a lot of education to be an astronaut.”

We don’t let ourselves explore our desires because we are taught to adopt the attitude that too much work is not worth the result.

We start believing that what we want is beyond our own capabilities.

We are conditioned not to aim high and to settle for something easier.

Without realising it, we are handing over control of our lives to the rest of the world, and we let our circumstances shape our future. And then we are surprised when we are not happy with our circumstances.

So, how can we break out of this cycle?

Hold Yourself Accountable

You control your attitude. When your attitude is positive, when you focus on the good of your situation, change comes quickly. This is as scientific as physics. It’s called The Law of Attraction.

“Remember that your thoughts are the primary cause of everything.”― Rhonda Byrne

So many talk about all this “woo-woo” stuff. Oprah, Laura Clery, Will Smith. The star of Medium, Sinem Günel, has written about it.

But when you’re stuck in your head with what you see to be your circumstances, you fail to see that the circumstances only followed your thinking, not the other way around.

Starting to accept that what you are stuck in right now was very much your own doing is a tiny step with a huge impact. It can be the beginning you need to flip your circumstances around.

We get tied up with the negativity that we see right in front of us and we take being hopeful with a pinch of salt.

But it should be the other way around.

We should take our negativity with a pinch of salt and we should get tied up with hope. We should be giving our hopes and dreams a fair chance to be realised.

But why is it so much harder to apply this theory than it is to just complain about your current lack of “umph” in our lives?

Because we are ignorant.

But that’s OK, being ignorant makes us human. All we can do is keep on learning.

Be Sceptical About Your Current Circumstances

We don’t usually like to commit to anything unless we know what the outcome is going to be.

If you’re smart, you won’t sign a new employment contract without knowing the ins and outs of the job itself and its benefits. If you read that the job was unpaid you would most likely not sign it because you have bills to pay and you need the money.

We find it easier to speculate about the risks than the returns when we are faced with a choice. Fear overpowers us and we stay in our comfort zone because at least we know what we are in right now.

We are conditioned by society to settle, and since we see it happening all around us, we tend to fall into the same pattern without understanding the damage this can do to us.

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” — Albert Einstein

Unlearn what you have been taught by society for what you have learned has got you where you are now.

Your current circumstances are not the full picture. Imagine there are hidden opportunities. By looking at the positive aspects of your life right now you will begin to discover new things that you did not see before.

Become sceptical of your current misery and you will see hope.

Sign Your Dream Contract

The best way to realise your dreams is to think of them as contracts.

Start by writing down what you want. It helps you not only prioritise what you actually want, but it helps you start a long thinking process about how you will come to achieve it. Writing down your goals doesn’t mean you are outlining every baby step in the process of achieving said goal.

Just in case it might help you, here is my latest list of goals and wants, written a few weeks ago in my new notebook:

I write in the present tense to feel closer to achieving my goals and desires. Some are achieved but they are things I will always desire to maintain and increase, such as good health and love.

Writing down your goals exposes you to the endless possibilities of success. Your mind will unconsciously start spotting opportunities you might have once missed.

See your dreams as your new employment pack and results will start coming to you.

Focus only on the good side of your current circumstances and break the tendency to complain — you will start feeling happier, and you’ll help shape your desired future.

“I see the future, but live for the moment.” — Pitbull

Imagine how it would feel to become successful at whatever your dream is. Imagine the joy and feel it now. Start living like you’re already there, and you’ll get there.

Optimism is your main job duty.

Last year I said goodbye to the gatekeepers of the world and I said hello to my own future when I wrote down everything I wanted to get out of life.

Very quickly, I began to feel excited. I no longer believed the conventional rules of society were right, and I wasn’t wrong to dream when I was little.

I started to see the good in my life and paying it more attention. That feeling of emptiness I used to have almost vanished. I felt full.

I am now a natural optimist, and you can be too. It starts with a list:

Gratitude is your daily bonus.

Listing the things you are grateful for helps you achieve what you aim for. I started writing down what I was thankful for every day a couple of years ago to keep that positivity going.

Today, I mentally thank whatever comes to mind throughout the day. I’ll get up, read something inspiring, and say thank you. I’ll get a phone call from a good friend and thank the universe for my friendships. I’ll eat some really good food and say thanks for it.

Actively feeling grateful for what you have will attract more to be grateful for.

Even if you’re sceptical about this, ask yourself what you have to lose by trying out gratitude. The answer is nothing. But the potential wins are as big or as small as you choose.

Results are your promotions.

There are two things that stopped me from getting the results I wanted in the past:

• My lack of ability to see the good in any situation. Turns out if you look hard enough, you’ll always find a silver lining.
• A feeling breeds that same feeling. Positivity will attract more of it, and thus, positive results.

The results will come once you commit to your goals. If you train yourself to imagine how you would feel once that goal is achieved, you’ll attract that result to you.

It is when you start seeing results that you can grow. And the results are already there, you just have to pay attention.

Last Words

“Instead of focusing on the world’s problems, give your attention and energy to trust, love, abundance, education and peace.” ― Rhonda Byrne

Take what society has taught you and unlearn it, because it is irrelevant.

Take responsibility for your own success.

Write down your goals and treat them as the terms of your new employment contract. Adhere to it by focusing on staying positive, being grateful for what you have, and see the silver linings in any situation.

The Law of Attraction will work in your favour.

Inspired by Rhonda Byrne’s famous bestseller, The Secret.

Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, motherhood, and pro-race. See more work like this.