Standing at the Edge of Chaos
A Path through Darkened Skies
It’s easy to find life to be a little surreal right about now. We’re in the process of going through a significant public health crisis that has claimed many lives. While the death of more than 100,000 citizens feels like a toll too large for our collective grief to handle, it has been overshadowed by great social unrest related to the systemic racism and bias built into America’s foundation.
These are deeply disturbing times. And they have been exacerbated by a partisan news media committed to saving itself from financial ruin by amplifying collective fear and unrest with hyperbolic sensationalism. Pervasive throughout it all is the manipulation of public opinion by America’s egomaniac in chief, who attempts to hijack any public narrative to draw attention to himself and his upcoming election campaign.
For many self-aware, empathetic people, this level of extreme dysfunction is simply too much to bear. It’s bleak to wake up to death, destruction, and deep political derision day after day for months. It’s sad to watch people being put down for simply trying to stand up and voice their opinion.
Even if you haven’t spent months in lockdown like us in NYC, the events of the past few months are enough to shake one out of the routine of day-to-day life. Normalcy has simply been obliterated for many. Old concerns have been made to look small. Previous goals now look misdirected. Where there once was a semblance of meaning, the emptiness of hollow pursuits has been exposed for all to see.
Patches of Sun
While there may not seem to be any silvery lining beneath the dark storm clouds that linger above us, I actually do see a fair bit of opportunity. All of our lives were simply going so fast before all of this death, pestilence, and civil unrest that many of us didn’t give ourselves time to pick our heads up and honestly evaluate if we liked where we were in life.
Now, we’ve had exactly that. Many have taken the time to reflect on their lives, to sit up and take stock of where their choices have led them. Unsurprisingly, many have realized that they have been left unfulfilled by their current rat-race of routine. All the corporate drudgery and stress endured for what? So that we can reach for material things to show off on social media in search of attention and external validation?
There is no meaning there. It’s a flimsy, superficial life. We’ll never be done reaching if we stay on the hedonic treadmill. We think that if we run faster, then we’ll claim the happiness that we so desire. We just need more. And then we need a little more. And then more still.
We can’t stay on the same path and expect it to lead somewhere new. We need to use the Great Pause to find a new path that speaks to each of us. I forged my own path based on my authentic personality deep down inside.
Course Correction
I crumpled up my career and tossed it in the trash. I decided to redirect my skills toward something new. I want my compassion and empathy to be valued, not viewed uneasily like a character defect. I want to help people through their hard times, to help them get back on their own feet, to use my own dark experiences to lift them up.
There will be many mental health needs to be addressed in the coming years. While no one has fully quantified the cultural trauma endured by Americans, you can be sure that it has led many into the world of mental illness and despair. Domestic violence is rising. Alcohol abuse is predicted to rise. Anxiety and depressions will likely also peak. Deaths of despair are only increasing from their already disturbingly high levels.
The last year has led me to realize that all I can really change is myself and how I interact with the world around me. I can either bring my best to it and hope that improves the world for others or I’m resigned to dwell on my own misery, anxiety, and unhappiness.
It’s the connections with other people that bring me fulfillment. I genuinely enjoy watching others turn their lives around, recover from addiction, overcome mental health challenges, overpower their existential resistance over progress. Helping others proceed down these paths is how I’d like to help the world.
A New Path
It’s back to school I go, after a 15-year career. I see money, title, shiny toys, and fancy dinners for what they truly are: a brief respite from my anxiety, insecurity, and existential angst. Their novelty wears off quickly. Satisfaction drains out of these pursuits as if they were a sieve. I don’t want to waste time searching for happiness and purpose where it cannot be found.
It’s when I help others through their hard times and use my empathy to connect that I find real meaning and satisfaction — much, much more than I’ve ever felt before. Helping others helps me find myself. Social work, counseling, and writing might not be as boast-worthy as running multi-million-dollar campaigns for Fortune 500 companies, but I no longer need to boast. Through my years of therapy, I’ve finally found comfort within my own skin.
I don’t need to hide my feelings, emotions, or thoughts. These are what give me my strength to help others. These are what power my creativity. I need not be ashamed of my authentic self that I have hidden for so long below countless layers of masks, expectations, attachments, and resentments.
I want to be remembered as I am, not as others wish me to be.
