Southern Hospitality vs Northern Hostility

A perspective from a New Jersey native on vacation in the South

One thing I have always noticed and loved about vacationing in the South is how different the culture is from that of the New York-New Jersey metropolitan area. Speaking from experience as a New Jersey native we have a very particular attitude.

When we go out to run our errands we keep our heads down, ignore the people around us and go about our business. Everyone has their heads buried in their phones and if they aren’t doing that then they are openly denying the potential for any small talk by avoiding eye contact like the plague itself.

Striking up small talk in the grocery store or anywhere for that matter is a cardinal sin of the area because everyone is in a rush to get from point A to point B. As if having a small five-minute conversation with a stranger will derail the entirety of their day.

Let’s not even get started about how we drive in the Garden State… If you dare drive under 85 MPH on the highway you are guaranteed to be violently cut off by someone who gives you a death stare as if you were going 20 miles under the speed limit even though you are going 20 over. The unwritten rule of the Jersey roads is you must go over the speed limit, and god bless your soul if you drive the speed limit or go slightly under.

Now let's compare the anti-small talk culture of New Jersey with my experience in Virginia Beach. For the week that I have been here in Virginia Beach, I have had well over a dozen conversations with complete strangers and locals. One conversation in particular was funny to me and figured it was worthy of sharing. This perfectly encapsulates the culture down here.

I was walking back from the beach and there was a couple by the pool in our complex. When I walked by they directly engaged me as they didn’t recognize me and were striking up some pleasant small talk. I’ve written about this before, I love small talk so this was a pleasant change of pace from life in New Jersey.

The woman told me a little bit about herself and how she works at the Barnes and Noble corporate offices, and how she loves books and reading. Which led to me talking about my book and how one day I hope to become a full-time writer/author. The couple was sweet and was surprised someone as young as I was so enthusiastic about reading and writing as it seems to be a dying art among the youth these days. That is a sad topic on its own that I’ll write about another day.

Back to the story, we had a very pleasant conversation and they basically could tell I was an outsider. This intrigued me so I asked how they knew that and they said that everyone around here knows each other more or less. It's a true, old-fashioned community.

Neighbors helping neighbors with basic tasks around their property and leaning on one another throughout the years as times got hard. So when you are new to the area and they don’t recognize you, you are either a tourist or new to the area. If you are new they welcome you with open arms and want to get to know you.

Contrast this with life back in New Jersey where I don’t even know all of my neighbor's names. Just a few that have been on the block since I was a child. The majority come and go without saying anything and minding their own business. I suppose this isn’t the worst thing in the world but it is an alienating feeling when everyone is only interested in their own worlds.

Another part of the conversation I had that was fascinating is how not engaging in small talk and keeping that Jersey attitude is frowned upon. If you deny small talk down here you stand out like a sore thumb. The roles are flipped in Jersey. In Jersey, it’s frowned upon if you do strike up small talk. In Virginia, it’s frowned upon if you don’t engage in small talk.

I must say it has been very refreshing running errands and walking around down here, bumping into people, and having fun sidebar conversations. The sense of community begins to rub off on you and it is a soul-warming experience. At least for me, that’s the case.

I surely won’t miss going back to New Jersey where small talk is viewed as a bad thing. One day I wouldn’t mind moving to an area or town that has a sense of community like this. After all, life would be a lot more pleasant if we leaned on our neighbors and cared for our community. That’s how society thrived for so long prior to the invention of the internet and the industrialization of modern society.

I will definitely miss all the warm smiles and pleasant conversations I’ve had down here, even the simple interactions like getting a coffee or lunch from a drive-through and having a pleasant and engaging interaction with the staff. It seems like people down here are happier than in New Jersey. Perhaps that has to do with the emphasis on community and engaging with each other.

Or maybe I’m just outgrowing Jersey and I’m viewing Virginia through rose-tinted glasses. I’m sure this area has its mean people and has its problems. All cultures and locales in the world have pros and cons. I’m not denying that, all I’m saying is it’s been a nice change of pace being down here for a week.

Is Southern Hospitality a thing? Am I viewing this through rose-tinted vacation lenses? Or am I correct in my assumption?

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