Social Skills Are Dying

Here are 3 ways to strengthen them

Is it just me or does anyone else out there in the world see the glaring lack of social skills nowadays? I understand we lived through covid lockdowns and a large part of that might be contributing to our lackluster social skills but this trend has been growing for a while. Like most trends when covid hit, it rapidly accelerated.

When I go out in public I can’t help but notice people burying their heads into their cellphone just to avoid making small talk as I hold the door open for them. It’s not like I’m looking to get to know your life story, just a simple “Thank you!” would do.

Or have you ever noticed when you have a conversation with someone over text or some form of social media and then you pick up that same conversation in person it’s flat and feels detached from the other conversation you had over the digital landscape? It almost feels like two different people, two different conversations entirely.

So many of us have cultivated totally different personas for our digital lives that we are losing track of living in reality. I have people who follow all of my socials, engage with almost every post in some way, and when I see them in person it’s like I don’t exist. Not that I’m looking for the attention or notoriety, it’s just that I don’t operate that way.

If I interact with someone a lot on social media and the internet, I typically know that person to a large degree or would at least acknowledge them in person. I just wouldn’t want to engage with someone whom I don’t know or have much interest in. Seems kind of commonplace, right? Or am I just starting to sound more and more like my dad with age…

For example, since I’ve written my book I have had people who reach out to me to say congrats and ask for a copy. Obviously, I love those responses but there are a select few who once I respond go totally ghost… Is that not strange? Or even stranger I have people who lie to me and tell me they have bought my book as if they don’t realize I can see my sales report indicating no sales for that day.

Anyways I’m going off the tracks a bit, the point being this modern, isolated, and digitalized world has made our social skills less than desirable, to say the least. This lack of social skills can probably explain the increasing numbers of people claiming they feel lonely and disconnected. With that being said, let’s get into three simple ways you can strengthen your social muscles every day.

Small talk with anyone when you run errands!

We all run errands, next time you run errands chit chat with anyone that you can. Hold the door open for someone, compliment their shoes or jacket if you like, and let it be known. Who doesn’t love a compliment?

When you get to the register or sit down at your table small talk with the staff, after all, it is quite literally their job to be nice to you. It’s an absolute win-win for you, they can’t get mad or upset at you. There is no bad reaction possible if that’s your reason for being scared to speak to strangers. All they can do is listen and respond.

Who cares what other people will think? My friends always look at me crazy when they run errands with me or when they go out with me in general. Because I will small talk with every single person. The guy sitting next to me at the bar has a Yankees hat, I’m going to ask him about the season.

Cashier just got done dealing with a rude customer, I’ll make a lighthearted joke to put a smile on their face poking fun at the rude customer.

I overhear a conversation behind me about a t.v I like, I’ll chime in with a witty line here and there.

My friends always say “You talk with everyone when you go out”. Too which I say, isn’t that the point?

If you're looking to strengthen your social skills, this is the lowest hanging fruit. if you keep at it for a while, you will notice a change in your social skills.

Be a good listener

This one might come as a bit of a shock to people, but it is one of the most important things to a good set of social skills. If you aren’t paying attention to what someone is saying, they will notice that you are tuning them out. Once they notice that the conversation will either be further tuned out in their mind, creating a flat boring conversation. Or they might get mad at you.

Not many people enjoy being tuned out right to their face, especially if they feel the topic is important. But on the flip side if you are really giving attention to their words they will also notice and appreciate you. If they begin to appreciate you, they will let their guard down and get on a deeper level with you. This in turn can make for a really interesting conversation or the start of a meaningful friendship.

So many of us have a lot to say and we feel like we have no one to listen to us. This I believe is causing a great divide in the social dynamics in our culture. If we took active steps toward being better listeners, instead of shouting over or ignoring others, we’d inhabit a much more pleasant society.

Interact in the real world and ditch social media

It seems like nowadays our digital devices are our protective shield from any awkward moments in the real world. We have men and women who won’t dare approach their crush in person where they have a better chance of making a lasting impression and instead will opt to be one of a thousand people to fight for their attention on a dating app. Apps that are used to judge people on the most superficial levels.

We pretend to answer a text when we are walking by someone we don’t want to talk to. We’ll talk behind other people’s backs in group chats and direct message threads but when they encounter that person on the streets it’s the same thing, head buried into the phone and pretending they don’t exist.

If you are looking to strengthen your social skills, I can’t stress this enough, cut down on your social media interactions. Try to interact in person instead of through the phone when applicable.

If you can totally go on a digital detox and cleanse yourself from your apps for just a week you will see just how much these devices are manipulating our social skills. I tried this myself which you can read about below if you’d like to know about my experiences with social media detoxing.

What do you think of our social skills these days? Are they lacking or am I being a bit dramatic?

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