THE IDIOCY FILES

“Soul Creature” Just Sounds Wrong

It’s hard enough being funny but now I’m UnWoke

Humor is tough, and if you don’t believe it, consider two of the greatest actors of their generation, Robert DeNiro and Sean Penn. They starred in a movie called We’re No Angels and it imploded like an unfunny dirigible after bursting into flames and singing everyone’s eyebrows.

You can’t lay the whole failure on their shoulders, but it raises the question: how could legendary actors fail to get even a single laugh?

This article isn’t about criticizing DeNiro or Penn, though. The topic of this post is more fraught. I’m talking about censorship, which is making me 10% less funnier these days.

I’ve recently submitted two stories with terms that editors found malodorous. They gave off the stench of being politically backward, or as the kids say, incorrect.

The stories, not the editors. They smell normal.

My terminology offended the editors and might offend others.

The first was my use of “spirit animal” and the second was choosing the word “disability,” as in costume-disabled.

You are welcome to join me on a whimsical, pastel-hued romp into the heart of the Land of Woke Earnest Righteousness (LOWER), where overzealous police are hiding behind every shrub.

No offense to shrubs, you are just doing your job.

Spirit Animal is a Universal and Ancient Concept

I get it — what “spirit animal” does is appropriate an icon from an oppressed culture, the Native American people. I fully expect someone to tell me I don’t get it, but that seems to be the gist.

No doubt I’m not Woke and don’t deeply understand why it’s offensive.

The trouble is — almost all traditional cultures have some form of a spirit animal, a totem (which was popularized in the massively bestselling Clan of the Cave Bear novels), or “familiars” (from the Harry Potter books).

Must I conjure up yet another term, to announce I have a Spirit Animal?

Mine is a rabbit. On good days, she’s a jackalope.

I have a friend who posted hers as a mountain lion on Facebook. Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering, will she devour me one day? Should I reconsider this friendship?

It doesn’t matter that I grew up a Redskins fan but had doubts about the name — when it comes to being judged as Not Woke Enough, it’s a game of one false move.

Disabled Lives Matter

The word disability is also a big, fat, crippling problem. Thankfully, Americans with disabilities are protected under Section 504. As an activist with a disability from the amazing film Crip Camp noted:

“They want us dead.”

Rights for disabled people are an ongoing battle and for good reason. In school, kids with obvious disabilities such as being wheelchair-bound, need protection. They are targets for bullies. I could go on about this for pages. The Nazis went after people with disabilities; Trump mocks them with impunity.

So — I can’t write that I’m “costume-disabled?”

I don’t buy it. I used to work for Disability Determination Services and one of our first tasks was reading the list of alleged impairments, typically:

back pain, depression, diabetes

We gathered copious medical records and decided if the person was officially disabled, which loosely translates into not being able to maintain a paying job.

Deciding whether someone is disabled isn’t easy or straightforward, but using the term in a humor article?

Yes, disabled people are a protected class, but it should be permissible to say “athletically disabled” in the right context. And even, humorous.

I wonder if some editors are humor-impaired.

Goat Gotten, Gone Wild, and Grumpy AF

What get’s my everlovin’ goat is how an editor will suggest I could’ve picked another word, if only I were creative or sensitive or thoughtful enough.

Yes, I could’ve picked another word but I didn’t because I thought the word or phrase I used was funny!

Thankfully, Will Smith hasn’t arrived at my doorstep to slap me across the face for my sins.

I’m keeping watch for my next insensitive remark, which could spew forth any minute now because THIS IS STUPID.

I think I used the word drunkard last week and made fun of 12-Step programs.

Goats nowadays are probably a protected class, because of their misrepresentation as being minions of the devil. Will the Rolling Stones be sued by goat attorneys everywhere for their beastly depiction of a goat in their album, Goat’s Head Soup?

It showed an actual goat head in a cauldron of soup, and they weren’t trying to be funny.

Want an email heads-up for new articles? Click Me.

Want to join Medium? Click Me.

Jean Campbell recently started her first Substack newsletter to laser focus on getting her book, City of Lies: A Street Hustler’s Omaha Journey published.