I Know Which Medium Stories to Write, I Just Don’t Want To

There is a formula, but I’m resistant to it and so are most writers

A huge number of Medium writers are amateurs. This isn’t a slam, it’s a fact. We on this platform write here and there, dash an article off in our spare time, or have a fraction of one part of a single day of the week to capture a dramatic moment.

Even the online scribes who are quite readable and talented are relatively new to this freelance lifestyle.

At the same time, there is a core of us who have been here for several years — but I’m not sure that makes me, and you, professionals.

I don’t put myself in the professional category because of Medium, even though:

— I’m a 6x top writer (I’ll explain why that’s bullish*t later)

— I have 7.2K followers

— I publish 4–5 times a week

— Most of my articles are distributed

— I regularly write for a dozen pubs

No, I consider myself a professional because I wrote in academia and published, and because I worked as a freelance writer for a tabloid crime pub for a year. That more recent experience taught me the basics of (sleazy) journalism. That’s two paid writing gigs, so it’s my definition of what a professional writer is. The bar is lower to become an author: one published book, on any platform, with one positive review.

The Formula and the Anti-Formula

I’ve noticed certain types of articles I write get more reads. They include:

— “Big” topics like moving, the generation gap, or retirement

— Covering salacious crime stories, if the timing is right

— Religion, about half the time

— Articles with better headlines, which are headlines and subheadings that, together, tell a little tale and hint at more

It may feel cheap, but a certain amount of “stringing the reader along,” a la the “doom porn” hucksters, is necessary.

The problem is I blurt everything out at once. It’s kinda my style, and mostly a bad habit due to a combination of restlessness, nervousness, and never learning how to tell a story or a joke properly.

I blurt in person, too. I’m not what you’d call a natural storyteller, which is more accurately a person who learned storytelling from a parent.

Storytelling is teachable but then so is baseball: it helps to learn when you are young and not afraid you’ll get whacked in the pie-hole with a zinger.

Most “Writers” Are Resistant Like Me

Even if you know exactly what to do, it’s hard to write that way consistently because it’s work. I don’t know about you, but I resist work!

I mostly write to entertain myself, which is why I prefer humor and poetry and, in the past, loved writing true crime, since I was a true crime fan.

I will admit I remain flummoxed by the paradox of writing an article that I find extremely entertaining, which garners comments about like, ‘that was hilarious!’ and yet, the post not only never goes viral, it falls flat as a pancake.

I wrote one like this yesterday called How to Choose a Religion: It’s All about the Parking Lots.

My very best writing hasn’t gotten anywhere near viral.

The reason isn’t a shocker: I think the answer is readers also don’t want to work.

They want to be spoonfed.

And, that my friends, is how the very successful writers on this platform play it:

— They write with a formula that reels you in and strings you along.

— They write on the same topic — finance, diet, politics — every single time without deviating.

Successfully stringing along a reader provides them a float down a lazy river at a resort, in a heated pool, with the option of grabbing a cocktail. Most of my writing resembles, instead, a trek into the ocean next to a sign that reads:

Strong Undertow, Beware

The other problem I have, and maybe you do, too, is topic-switching. Whatever comes into my pretty little head is where I am now an expert!

This Ocean is Huge and Vague, Beware.

My Problems with True Crime

I got to be something of an expert on murder, but in the process, sh*t got real, as the kids say. When I researched and wrote about “the Toy Box Killer” I had to admit I wish I hadn’t it.

I also became incredibly frustrated by the problem of finding legal images to use and still do not understand how so many writers on Medium get copyrighted photos, or simply snag whatever they find online and hope for the best.

I’m not willing to hope what I’m using is “fair use.”

I also said goodbye to true crime because, in writing so much of it, I started to absorb the formula — and then it became boring, like singing the same song at every performance.

Yeah, it became ‘work.’

The Bulls*t Element is Real and Growing

Now, before I learned about headlines and subheadings, I would’ve made the subheading above simply, “The Bullshit” — but I’ve learned when your headline or subhead tells more of a story, the better off you are.

But let’s talk honestly about Medium’s element of deceit.

The ‘top writer’ badges are absurd, as they only reflect volume. They are 100% about quantity because they are the result of publishing using the same tags over and over again. For example, I’m a top writer in Psychology because I would often toss true crime articles into that category.

I have zero qualifications in psychology unless you count my superpower of instantly recognizing someone with a personality disorder and then becoming their target.

Then there is the enticing stat called “follower.”

I have enough followers to field an army, and it makes almost no difference. Now, the ones who subscribe via email? Yes, those folks are gold.

Why is the bulls*t growing? Only in the sense that nothing ever gets done about these spurious labels, and Medium should figure out another way to make people ‘top writers.’ So every time a new writer begins penning posts, articles, listicles, opinions, and dreck — they gain followers and become top writers.

Medium might not be able to fix the follower problem, because of the way our feeds function, but that’s way above my pay grade.

Final Thoughts from a Top Writer with 7 Thousand Plus Followers!

I figured by sticking with this I’d make progress. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to go in life?

I have improved as a writer but the paycheck doesn’t reflect it, no way, no how, which is extremely frustrating. In fact, due to poor Medium management decisions or maybe good ones — are the execs making a better living? — I earn much less than I did in the sweet summer of 2020.

I would prefer it if Medium could help me reach my audience, but I feel I am reaching them haphazardly. Then again, I guess Medium wants me to figure out how to reach my audience.

Or maybe the way to succeed as a writer is pure luck and everything I’ve written is a desperate attempt to convince myself I have some control. Once again, I’ve talked myself out of following what I know is true because it will require toil, sweat, and ruthless self-examination.

I guess I’ll be me.

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Jean Campbell recently started her first Substack newsletter to laser focus on getting her book, City of Lies: A Street Hustler’s Omaha Story, published. But wait, there’s more! For free humor on Substack, check out Flying Monkey Mind.