Is Medium Vanity Publishing?

What happened when I said “No” to murder, rape, and torture

I’m not one who needs other people to have to buy my book, or even read it, for me to become a “real” writer — but lately, I’ve come to believe I was only a flash-in-the-pan writer. Lately, my writing feels and smells like three-day-old salmon.

That is the last fish metaphor. I’m switching to horses.

I wrote for a tabloid for about a year, and they paid $35 an hour, give or take.

That was “real’ writing because I could support myself and had a byline.

The editor made sure I knew the basics: be careful about citing recent, credible, non-competitor sources; pitch your own stories sometimes; don’t choose any old subject but stick with what pays — murder.

I’d still be doing it except for two things:

1. They weren’t great about paying on time.

2. Murder, rape, and torture get real old, real fast.

What is Vanity Publishing?

I submitted my book to a credible-looking publisher several months ago. I thought they were genuine because they used the name of another legit publisher.

Like instead of “Sky Horse Books” they called themselves “Sky Horse Publishing.” See — clever, isn’t it? I bought their spiel until they started to explain how I’d have to pay upfront for their “international” brand of promotion.

Only $3000, plus change — and they would promote me all over the place, Scout’s honor!

They refer to this as “hybrid publishing” in which the author pays part of the cost of publishing. It’s as awful as it sounds.

Extending the horse metaphor, it was also a giant load of horse shit.

They call it vanity publishing because you, the author, are the only person who recognizes yourself in the vanity mirror as a writer.

I Pay $50 a Year to Publish Here

With Medium, I make about $200 a month. I can’t complain, because that’s more than most other writers on this platform. I used to make about $1500, then the algorithm flew straight to hell, like Lil NasX in Montero (Call Me By Your Name).

It sounds like a lot, but I have 7,000 followers and have been doing this for over two years.

So even though I make that $50 back, at any point I could be down there dancing with the devil and making less than $50 a year.

I’m beating a dead horse, but not one of a different color, on this subject. Every day, I see stories in my feed from a “successful” Medium writer who rants with frustration.

“I Got 5.4K Reads and Made $1.57!”

“My Story Went Viral and I Made $6.24!”

“I Had an Orgy with Satan and Ted Cruz and Videotaped It and Made $3.48!”

At this point, my writing is reduced to mainly typing and formatting. Thank God I’ve gotten so much better at both, right?

Is It Writing If It’s Fun?

I’m also working on a true crime book about sex trafficking, and it’s no picnic. I know rare creatures who made a living in olden times as film critics or penning long-form travelogues for Texas Monthly, and those days are long gone.

Yet there must be some middle ground between grinding out another story about a slimy serial killer and writing limericks?

I take comfort in what my sister tells me. She rubs shoulders with power players and celebs. She reports that even great writers — I’m talking Ed Abbey and Dorothy Parker level — are having a tough time making a living in this brave, new world of sound bytes and TikTok madness.

If Hunter S. Thompson were alive today, he couldn’t earn enough to keep himself in drugs and underage girls.

Long-form is dead. It’s been pecked to death by listicles and Instagram captions.

That was a hard way to go.

Listicle Shmisticle

I don’t have a face for TikTok, so I’ll keep writing poems that will never see the inside of a hardcover page.

I’m not too proud to churn out a listicle — I wrote a riveting, seven-item parade of quotes and revealed startling facts about Nietzsche’s sister earlier today.

I’ll stick with my four-day-a-week schedule, hunting down legal documents about what happened in Omaha in the 1980s. I’ll tell people I meet I’m a writer, even though I’d only eat twice a week if my spouse didn’t earn.

I know actors who never made it big and didn’t lack talent, plus they worked steadily, including paid gigs on Star Trek. They stuck with it and even had actor friends who rocketed into the stratosphere.

Who needs fame or recognition? I can be a real writer, I reckon, but I wouldn’t mind earning more than a few bucks a month so I could shatter this vanity mirror once and for all.

Since joining Medium in March 2019, I’ve learned so much about humor writing and penning readable stories — leading to nearly 7K followers and more laughter. Other funny writers also helped me grow. If you are not a member, sign up by clicking the link below. For just $5 a month you’ll find a lot of laughs. To get my stories in your inbox, click here.