Sorry, guys! She May like You but Still Fake It

Inside women’s minds on why we fake orgasms.

Not long ago, Pop singer Nicki Minaj took to Twitter to bash women faking orgasm. Nicki says we should demand it and show our men how to pleasure us.

I think she’s right. Women neglect their sexual pleasure too often that it’s beginning to get dicey in the bedroom.

Personally, I’ve lost count of how many times I have faked orgasm to get off bad sex. You will agree most women do this too.

We get all tingling, ravaging ourselves in what seemed like explosives emotions from kissing and thrusting, and when it comes to climaxing, we just don’t get off as we should. However, some women have anorgasmia, which is the inability to have an orgasm. But the fact is that most non-anorgasmic women cannot climax through penetrative sex alone.

Most women need direct clitoral stimulation — way more direct clitoral stimulation than you’d ever think is necessary — to have an orgasm.

Women who ignore sexual discomfort and do not prioritize their own pleasure are at the center of many sexual problems. When we fake orgasm, we teach men they are good at jackhammering our lady bit — that they can make us come with rapid thrusts alone.

If she’s faking orgasm, does it mean she doesn’t like you?

Not necessarily. She may like you, but not the sex — however, women fake orgasms for many reasons. We often fake orgasms because we want the sex to be good.

In new relationships, she may not feel close enough to you to ask for what she needs in bed (which can be scary at times), so she fakes it with loud moans.

I have even faked pelvic contractions more than once, which makes it difficult for my partner to tell the difference. For an escort, faking it is part of her job. Guys like their egos stroked.

They like to brag how they got a hot woman to orgasm, and since pleasing a man comes first in her line of work, sex workers fake it most times as a form of giving good service.

As much as I hate to admit it, patriarchy could also be blamed as to why women fake orgasms.

Even at a young age, women internalize the idea that assertiveness makes them imperious and controlling bitch. We are taught to sacrifice our needs in favor of a man or risk pushing him away and dying alone.

Which explains why faked orgasm is more popular with heterosexual sex. It can be difficult to know when a woman orgasms. But when most women cum, our pelvic muscle contractions, then followed by exhaustion.

During penetrative sex, you may feel her vaginal walls tighten, her breathing changes, and she’s unable to move.

If she screams that she’s coming but doesn’t seem to be in altered reality for a minute or two, she’s probably faking it.

Sometimes, she may suggest you stop giving her penetrative sex and request for more oral sex instead. This means she’s standing up for her sexual needs. She probably faked it a few other times, and now she doesn’t want to do it anymore.

We ruin the fun by faking it

Most people term all bad sex as nonconsensual. According to a study, both men and women have been known to fake an orgasm when sex turns out to be dissatisfying or uncomfortable. Another study also revealed that women deliberately faked it because they wanted to feel more in control when they didn’t see any other way to end the sex.

Basically, women consider faking an orgasm to be a fairly easy way to end sex that they do not want to have. If she were with one of those cute but annoyingly persistent guys who won’t give up until I cum, I would throw him a sympathetic orgasm to avoid the emotional strain on his ego.

Faking was for the guy’s benefit, but it was also for me. Not being able to orgasm might seem like a failure, and pretending is easier than accepting that my vagina might not be malfunctioning.

So if you are not getting off from thrusting back and forth, it’s maybe because you are not communicating your need to your partner and not because you aren’t emotionally ready for the sex.

Except where sex is forced, what we consider non-consensual sex is often consent sex with a terrible communication barrier.

In essence, faking orgasm is detrimental to women. Faking it leads to a disconnection from your body’s sensations and perceptions. And that disconnection can make reaching orgasm more difficult, as you need to focus and be present to climax. Faking it is also manipulative. It robs her partner of sexual autonomy. While cheating is widely condemned, faking is a form of sexual deceit that’s weirdly given a pass.

Faking an orgasm may not be bad because it genuinely feels good to make your partner feel good. Just like political wives pretend to look good in campaign posters to support their ambitious political husbands.

But there comes a time when you need to stop faking it. Because if you constantly fake orgasm, your partner will think he’s doing it right, and that won’t stop as long as you are in that relationship.

After consenting and you are not enjoying the sex, it’s okay to say you want to stop. This will give you a chance to talk about sex, negotiate what you want, and give both of you realistic expectations.

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