#31 — THE ART OF COMMENTING — A COLLABORATIVE SERIES WITH Grandma Smillew, James Bellerjeau, AND R C Hammond

So You Want to Write a Bad Comment

And don’t know how

I get it, you’re tired of being good.

Maybe you forgot to buy milk and ate dry cereal this morning. You saw the news by mistake. Or someone wrote a preachy article that no one asked for.

You want to throw a ripe tomato at them, but you can’t. First, it would hit your laptop screen, creating a wet mess and second, they’re expensive.

This is what you do instead — learn to act freely without thinking.

Let’s go over a few basics:

1. Bad doesn’t mean being disrespectful.
2. Use these techniques for writers you have a rapport with.
3. All the below methods have been attempted by the author.

#1. The Comment Story:

Sometimes you have the urge to say something, and you don’t care about the word count or that it’s unmonetized. You just want to feel better.

Stretch your fingers and start typing.

#2. The Sarcastic Comment:

Some writers (myself included) welcome such comments. Maybe they’re generous or a narcissist like me who likes all kinds of attention.

Who cares? Get your snark on.

#3. The Comment Bomb:

Why stop at one when you could write five?

#4. The Spam Link:

Your last story has single-digit views. Or your earnings are 4.99$ and you don’t like how it looks. Yet, you’re reading another’s story.

Leave a comment with a link. Redirect some views.

#5. The Generic Comment:

Also known as the one-clapper of comments, it allows you to pretend that you didn’t really like the story. And save some unnecessary effort.

“This was nice. Good. Great. Read mine?”

#6. No Comment:

The easiest of the lot. Simply copy and paste these two words.

#7. The ME Comment:

Can you believe someone wrote 1000 words and didn’t think of you? They also had the audacity to tag others and share their stories below.

Let them know of your disappointment in the comments.

Parting remarks:

I think it would be great if Medium allowed us to know which writers are accepting of bad comments. Maybe let us put a sticker beside our names.

I’m thinking devil emoji.

I should have probably let my creative collaborators offer proper rebuttals to my earlier story, but as they say, you are your best enemy.

Feel free to practice these comments on my stories. You can even roast the serious ones because, by the time I’m done, my humorous side is starved.

It’s a win-win. You get to write bad comments, I get more read time.

Please note: Bad doesn’t mean unkind. It means not having to be good. And if a writer tells you that they’re uncomfortable, please stop, and pivot.

Check out these previous installments: