So, You Are Doing Some Mental Housekeeping

Don’t forget to consider your partner’s role

Spring Cleaning

Spring is a great time for some deep cleaning! Along with cleaning the physical home, it is also a great time for some mental housekeeping. Fresh new perspectives can be born. A good cleansing rain can bring fresh blooms.

Are there any black clouds hanging over your old thought patterns? Could your communication use a little sprinkling and sunshine? There are so many directions we can go with this. We all have to find our own “mental housekeeping” projects to focus on. But, we can’t forget to consider the role of our partner, or whoever is close to us.

I Forgot About My Partner

I have been working on ridding myself of negative self-talk and letting self-love move in. One morning I got up early to work out and listen to affirmations. My husband came down and said I was messing up his routine. I was in the space where he usually watches Sports Center and drinks his coffee.

I had timed it so that when he came down I would be done. His negativity is exactly what I have been working on getting rid of in myself. (No, I’m not going to get rid of him too!) I did tell him that I was in such high spirits before he walked in and he just rained on my parade.

Looking back, that is not fair. I can’t expect that he is on the same path, especially when I have not discussed it with him in-depth. He is very supportive. I am not as communicative as I could be. If I want more support, I will need to let him know more about what I am trying to do.

It happened again. I planned a trip to visit family. I put in extra hours leading up to my departure so I would keep up my writing submission habit. I was getting some extra drafts ready to submit for the days when I may not write. His statement — you aren’t going to keep up your writing when you are gone. Hold up. That is exactly what I would have told myself a month ago. But, this month I am replacing those types of discouraging thoughts with affirmations of more positive outcomes. I wanted the same from him! How was he to know?

Again I let him know, that his statement was very discouraging. I have been working hard to feel differently and do differently. I also let him know that I realized, if wanted him to be on board, I would need to communicate better.

Communication

Sometimes it is hard to fully explain some of the mental housekeeping that we are doing, even to those that are closest to us. Not because it is private but because when we are in it, we aren’t exactly sure how to explain it or exactly sure where we are going. And, sometimes it is just something private that we want to think about and work on by ourselves.

I have been walking around listening to podcasts, attending a weekly book group, having appointments with my health coach and nutritionist. My husband is not in all of those conversations. How can I expect him to know how I need him to show up for me as I work on these aspects of my life? How can I expect him to know that some of what I was doing is not what I want to be doing going forward?

Communication is essential. Even if in general terms, it is important to keep our partner, or others that are close to us, in the loop as we make transitions.

Another benefit to openly communicating with someone about your mental housekeeping is the personal reflective opportunity it provides. Our thinking goes to a higher level when we are able to articulate it. Sometimes we think we are clear on what we think, what we are doing, and what we want. In trying to explain it to someone else, that is when we may realize that we need more clarity for ourselves. This communication can be through writing in a journal that nobody will ever see if that works better for us in a particular situation.

We also have to ask ourselves, am I interested in the perspective the other person may be able to provide? It is up to us if we are ready to receive that.

Whatever level of communication we decide on, we must remember, the boundaries are ours to set. If we just want to make someone aware, it is ok to request that the person just listen to be informed and that we are not looking for input at the moment.

The Influence of Others

A huge barrier to progress can be the influence of others. A huge motivator to progress can be the influence of others. Part of our work is to decide how we need the people closest to us to show up throughout our process. The only way they will know is if we tell them.

There is nothing worse than having positive uplifting thoughts in one direction and having someone show up and figuratively open the flood gates of negativity in your path. That can be avoided.

We have to be conscious that these barriers may pop up and we need to have a plan for how we will deal with them. It may seem like an opportunity to stop progress and blame someone else. That is too easy. We are in control of our own progress. How other's impact our progress is up to us.

It is up to us what role others play in our growth. It is something that we have to decide and that we have to explicitly communicate with intention as we make meaningful changes in our lives.

Final Thoughts

Going through things together and growing together is one of the most substantial growth points for any relationship. The more transparent we are the more we are able to grow individually and to inspire growth in others.

Thanks for reading. I hope that everyone finds the communication and levels of support that best support their journey!

Thank you Diana C. for the Monday Prompt: How to reclaim emotional intimacy