Summary

Roz Warren humorously suggests that sympathy flowers for the less-than-lovable deceased could bear more candid names reflecting complex emotions like resentment and anger, alongside the traditional grief and sorrow.

Abstract

The article titled "So Glad You’re Dead!" by Roz Warren discusses the idea of sympathy flowers for those who have passed away and may not have been universally cherished. Warren, inspired by an obituary link for sending sympathy flowers, critiques the saccharine names of traditional arrangements and proposes a series of cheeky and brutally honest alternatives. These suggested names, such as "Gone But Not Forgiven" and "You Owe Me Money," reflect the raw and often unspoken feelings that can accompany someone's death. The piece, while humorous, touches on the reality that not all departed are remembered fondly and that mourning can be complex, involving negative emotions that are seldom acknowledged in societal norms of grieving. Warren also invites readers to contribute their own snarky floral tributes and offers her services as a writing coach and editor-for-hire.

Opinions

Traditional sympathy flowers often have names that do not align with the complex emotions felt towards some deceased individuals.
It is acknowledged that the death of certain individuals can evoke feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment, in addition to grief and sorrow.
The article suggests that floral tributes should reflect the full spectrum of emotions, including negative ones, that survivors may experience.
The author uses humor to address the taboo subject of having unresolved, negative feelings towards the deceased.
Warren's article implies that societal expectations around mourning can be overly sanitized and do not always allow for honest expressions of sentiment.
The piece encourages a candid and humorous approach to dealing with the death of unpleasant individuals, suggesting that such an approach can be cathartic.
The author's call for reader contributions and self-promotion as a writing coach indicates a desire to engage with the audience and offer professional assistance in improving and publishing their work.

So Glad You’re Dead!

Sympathy Flowers for Unpleasant People

I recently read an obit that included a link that enabled mourners to send Sympathy Flowers. I followed the link to a website full of lovely floral arrangements with names like:

Heartfelt Condolences

Peaceful Passage

Beautiful Spirit.

Farewell Too Soon

Here’s the problem. Not every dead person was a perfect, loving saint. The death of a loved one often leaves us filled, not just with grief and sorrow, but with anger, hurt, resentment, and countless unpleasant emotions.

So how about some floral tributes for these folks? Let me suggest:

Gone But Not Forgiven

You Owe Me Money

You’re Dead To Me

See You In Hell!

I’m at Peace and No Longer Suffering

Maybe Now You’ll Finally Stop Drinking

Don’t You Dare Rest in Peace While I Have Unresolved Issues!

Roses are Red/Violets Are Blue/Six Feet Underground/Is a Great Place for You

You Were Never There For Me. Now You’re Really Not There For Me.

If You Left All Your Money To the Local Cat Shelter Instead of Me I Swear I’m Going To Dig You Up and Kill You Again

You’re with Jesus Now and I Bet He Doesn’t Like You Any More Than We Did

Life Won’t Be the Same Without You — It’ll Be Better!

Sound a little harsh? Cold? Unfeeling? If so, let me leave you with the words of the immortal Moms Mabley:

They say you shouldn’t say anything about the dead unless it’s good. He’s dead. Good!

(Attention Readers! I invite you to post your own Snarky Floral Tributes in the Responses section. If they’re outstanding, I’ll add them to the list — and cut you in on the 47 cents that I’ll probably earn from this post.)(Update: Thanks to Caroline de Braganza and Michael Nestor for their contributions.)

Writing Coach and editor-for-hire Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, can help you improve and publish your work. Drop her a line at [email protected]. (That’s Ros with an “s,” not a “z.”)