Small Talk: Best Lessons from Joe Rogan
Lesson #1 — Show a Real Interest
What is Small Talk
Small talk is how you keep a conversation with someone you suddenly meet. It might happen anywhere: at your office, in the shop, at school, at your home.
You can talk with people you have known for many years and people who you never met before. Small talk techniques are essential for any situation where you can:
- support and improve existing relationships
- create new great relationships
Outline to This Article
- Show a real interest
- Ask open-ended questions
- Don’t talk about too personal things
- Use common topics
- Be enthusiastic
- Listen more. Ask more
- Put away your phone
- Exit the conversation in the right way
Before getting closer to the topic, I recommend the book (I love to recommend books, especially those that contain amazing lessons). It’s a book by Larry King — How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime and Anywhere. The title says by itself.
And now, let’s dive deep into steps to get better at talking with strangers and people we already know.
Show a Real Interest
When starting any conversation, you need to think first of all about your companion. Your feelings and stories about yourself aren’t so crucial to your companion.
Why? It’s not because you are not an exciting person. Things that are interesting for another person are the following:
- their problems
- their family
- their work
- their hobbies
- their entertainments
That’s why if you want to become interested, you must first show your interest. Be curious about anything that is related to the life of your companion.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
The main problem with the simple questions is that they don’t lead you to other questions. Let me give you an example of the answers that can be for simple questions:
- Yes / No / Maybe
- I think so
- I don’t know
After these answers, you won’t be able to continue the conversation. Yes, you can. But with every such answer, it will take more work to maintain an exciting discussion. And your companion will feel bored because of less engagement in this conversation.
Ask an open-ended question that allows your companion to talk about himself, opinions, thoughts, etc. Sometimes, it even allows one to think about one’s problems.
Don’t Talk About Too Personal Things
Stay careful with too personal things. Some questions may lead to bad feelings, thoughts, and memories. Don’t become a person who makes someone feel bad.
It’s good to talk about the family, but only briefly. You may ask general questions, but don’t attach to them.
Also, switching topics is better if the person wants to talk less about some questions. Because the worst thing you can do is make someone uncomfortable to speak with you.
Use Common Topics
Resuming the previous advice, try to use some topics that allow you to start a conversation and switch to other issues.
Here are some examples of them:
- Weather
- Hobbies
- Interests
- Work
- Art
- Travel
- Sport
It’s good to expand this list as you wish, but we have so many things in common that it’s perfect to use them, especially with people we don’t know too much.
Be Enthusiastic
After the person starts talking, be in this conversation. Listen, ask questions, and show your interest. Try to show that you want to know what happens.
At this point, you can even share your thoughts, ideas, and stories. If you find a point where everybody in the dialog feels excellent and comfortable, feel free to control the direction of the conversation.
It is good to talk and tell stories but give other people a chance to speak and allow them to show themselves.
Listen More. Ask More
I won’t stop repeating this advice, even if I’ve already repeated them several times.
Listen to the person you talk with. Your ears should work twice more than your mouse. Don’t interrupt, and listen with the most possible interest.
Also, it’s not good to stay quiet all the time. Ask questions, and show your interest with gestures and your head movements.
Put Away Your Phone
It’s a bad habit when someone too often checks his phone, especially when another person keeps talking.
Sometimes, we need to check the phone. Then, it’s good to apologize, look for a moment into your phone, and ask someone to continue.
But let’s stay honest. We can only do a little in several minutes. It’s okay not to look at your phone for that long time and even turn off notifications.
People who write you online understand the principles of the Internet and that they need to wait. But your companion can’t stay, and it’s better to prioritize him while you keep talking.
Exit the Conversation in the Right Way
All small talks have their ends. We must work, do important stuff, and stay busy as usual. Small talks may take several minutes, but they can only continue for a maximum of an hour.
Even if you can keep talking, sometimes people feel uncomfortable because of the need for more interest and topics to talk about. That’s why you need to exit the conversation.
Tell them you need to go or make a call, but before doing this, tell them you want to know something else or say something.
Additional Resources
Sometimes, it’s better to see than read. The first video shows how the small boy, without any fears, starts talking to the older man. He asks questions and tells stories about himself without thinking of judgment.
Another video I liked to watch and learn while preparing this article was recorded by the Harvard Business School. It contains fantastic advice from a scientific viewpoint, at least. Also, I liked it because it simplifies everything and has animated pictures. It’s a good watch as well!
