Should We Accept Nothing Less Than Comfortable?

What are your expectations?

Sitting in a meditation class before the act of meditating, the facilitator asked, “What are your expectations?” In a world brimming with opportunities, how could I pick only one? It didn’t take long before I realized expectations could be the bane of our pursuit of happiness.

Living a comfortable life wasn’t an expectation yet on my radar.

I shouldn’t expect myself not to worry.

This was the expectation that surfaced after considerable thought. And it made sense. I spend so much time worrying and then berating myself for it. I’ve become a professional worrier over the years, and at sixty-two years old, I’ve had much practice. With family illnesses, an upcoming dental procedure under anesthetic, news of world agony, and a constant bombardment of stress, how doesn’t one worry?

Still, I have expectations of myself that are impossible to achieve. So, this was to be my focus for today’s meditation. Nothing else seemed more fitting.

I shifted comfortably in my seat, and with my feet firmly flat on the floor, I let my body relax. With a slow breath, I listened to the facilitator guide me through a self-actualizing journey of rediscovering myself. My goal was to replace worry with calm.

You shouldn’t expect yourself not to worry. Embrace who you are without judgment. My mind fell into bliss until suddenly, a new expectation surfaced and nearly knocked me out of harmony.

Life shouldn’t be uncomfortable.

My expectation hung in the air like a dark cloud above—no wonder I’m so often at odds with myself, full of fear and discontent. I fight what “is” often, as opposed to relinquishing control to go with the flow. Why? Because I despise being uncomfortable, and I’ll do anything to avoid it.

And avoidance is my Achille’s heel.

If I fear something, I avoid it. With a generalized anxiety disorder, these days, I’m avoiding plenty. It was not a successful way to tackle a life problem — a medical issue — but it was the best defence I knew.

Had meditation provided me with my answer?

If I could change my mindset from expecting that “life shouldn’t be uncomfortable” to believing that “life will sometimes be uncomfortable,” would it create a path for acceptance and provide me with a means toward success?

Shifts in outlook are powerful.

A week has passed since that meditation class, and I’ve given my enlightenment little thought. Embracing a new mindset isn’t fast-acting when you’ve practiced the old one for so long, but it isn’t futile. Once I have the thought, it sits inside of me — stewing, brewing, and making positive changes.

How does someone who has a low pain threshold and who experiences daily pain in solidarity with others who are struggling accept that living uncomfortably is inevitable?

Or am I looking at it all wrong?

Is the key for me to change the way I experience things so that they no longer provide discomfort? I know first, I must accept what I can’t change, and that means accepting that many things in life provide uneasiness. That’s the first step. I’ve seen acceptance work time and time again throughout my life.

I wish I had all the answers, but I don’t have them yet, as I struggle to process an expectation I’ve carried for as long as I can remember but didn’t know. Now that it’s front and centre, I can no longer deny its existence. I can see how it hampers happiness.

Life has its ups and downs, its ebb and flow. It’s not prudent to expect life to be stress-free.

It’s a hindering thought. It does not serve me. Some expectations serve us well. They’re the ones that uplift us and are achievable. Some things in life may not change, but we can adjust how we look at it. We can alter our expectations so they don’t disappoint us when our desires aren’t met.

I expect one day, I’ll figure this out.

And feeling uncomfortable won’t feel this uncomfortable.

For more inspiring stories, check out this one by Dixie Dodd.