Should My Homosexuality Limit My Access to Male Spaces?

“Locker room panic” is presumptuous, and, quite frankly, threatens to create more slippery slopes

We’ve all heard that age-old argument justifying homophobia: the locker room is no place for people who are Queer. Apparently, gay men and lesbian women — as well as bisexual and transgender people — mainly desire access to sex-segregated sanctuaries so we can ogle the hot bodies of teammates and gym patrons.

Horseshit.

In a 2016 piece for The Advocate, Cyd Ziegler — author of Fair Play: How LGBT Athletes Are Claiming Their Rightful Place in Sports — draws upon his interviews with straight male athletes on this topic. Most of the ones who claim they’d feel uncomfortable, says Ziegler, have reported disgust at the thought that gay male teammates might be leering at them or hitting on them. He also speculates it’s possible some of them may harbor internalized homophobia or biphobia.

Of course, “gay panic” and “trans panic” are utterly inane. As I mention in my “open letter” from last December, gay and bisexual men are usually in the more vulnerable position (compared to our straight counterparts) when changing in a locker room or using communal showers. When transgender people use a restroom or locker room corresponding to the gender with which they identify, their risk is even more heightened than those of cisgender Queer people.

So let’s explore the nuances of these fears. If you’re a heterosexual man who finds yourself wondering about such scenarios — I hope you’ll come away from this article reassured that queer men only want your brotherhood, respect, or camaraderie…not your cocks.

Enabling Lust?

One of the primary reasons cited for the necessity of sex-segregated changing areas is to protect women from male-driven violence. Many men could be able to physically overpower women whom they target in restrooms or dressing areas.

Statistically, female-driven physical assault against male persons in private spaces is a less plausible scenario — due to a combination of socialization and physiology. However, legally speaking, male-only and female-only spaces alike need to be provided in order to cover every hypothetical permutation.

Beyond the systemic safety concerns…

Heterosexual men, when surveyed, may often express how they’d find it just as uncomfortable (if not moreso) to be seen nude by random homosexual men as it would to be seen that way by random heterosexual women.

Their argument could be as follows: gay guys shouldn’t be allowed to change in front of straight guys for the same reason it wouldn’t be okay for a man to wander into an all-female space or for a woman to wander into an all-male space.

But this conclusion is faulty on two levels.

First, it makes the assumption that a majority of gay men are actively seeking to prey upon straight men. This premise is misguided due to the realities that:

• Not every gay man has the same level of attraction to all other men. One gay dude might drool over Tom Cruise, whereas another might find Mr. Cruise to be completely odious.
• Yes, there are gay and bisexual men who behave inappropriately, allowing hormones or predatory sentiments to overtake them. But that cross-section of queer men doesn’t represent queer men as a whole…the same way straight men shouldn’t be held culpable for the sexual misconduct of other men who likewise happen to be heterosexual.
• Even if I’m changing next to a random heterosexual dude, and even if I find him attractive…I’m going to behave myself because I want him to feel comfortable around me. I’ve been sexually preyed upon by male peers — so why would I view myself as having the right to subject someone else to that?

Furthermore, as Ziegler observes, some heterosexual men claim they’d fear an inability to control themselves if they had free access to an intimate space designed exclusively for women. Ziegler calls bullshit on that — as do I — stating:

“I know I wouldn’t be able to control myself if I were in a women’s locker room,” goes the drumbeat from many straight male athletes. Yes, you would. If you were changing with a bunch of women[,] you would not launch into some uncontrolled sexual frenzy. You might make catcalls, whip their butts with wet towels, and joke about their junk out of discomfort — exactly what you do with the naked men with whom you shower.

A vast majority of gay and bisexual men — and transgender people across the spectrum — have endured sexual victimization. Some individuals have been targeted with greater frequency — or to greater magnitudes — than others.

Most of us know what it’s like to receive unwanted sexual attention. Why would we subject someone else to that same level of danger and intimidation — unless the individual queer person is also a sadist?

Are you trying to make the claim that “most” or “all” gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals are sadistic?

Safety vs. Sanctity

Another question we could explore: what is the intrinsic value, if any, of all-male or all-female spaces?

Recently, I had a condensed debate with another Medium user. She expressed to me how, from her perspective as a heterosexual cisgender woman, if the rampancy of male-driven violence hypothetically ended — then she’d support the idea of all locker rooms and restrooms being universally transformed to gender-neutral status. If it wasn’t for her fear of getting assaulted or sexually harassed by a man, she wouldn’t have any qualms about getting naked in a gender-inclusive locker room where all people are welcome.

That seemingly-progressive proclamation is all well and good, for her. But not every woman necessarily shares her comfort level — even if male sexual predators weren’t a factor. Not every man would embrace her theoretical lack of inhibition, either.

I know I certainly wouldn’t.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned? But if I had the choice between:

A.) being naked in front of my closest platonic female friends;

or

B.) being naked in front of a bunch of random male acquaintances;

…I’d choose the latter option.

I realize that straight guys might be jealous over the notion that I’m getting to see the types of bodies to which I’m attracted. But they need to remember that most of us (LGBT+ people) are afraid of being assaulted by same-sex counterparts who could feel threatened if we get caught “gazing” at them.

If it’s a situation where I’m using the communal shower alongside of them — then I’m equally as vulnerable and exposed as they are.

Even when I used to attend gay nudist pool parties (back in the early-2010s), there were rules about consent. Our hosts were very adamant about making sure all guests felt comfortable. We weren’t given the green light to carnally pounce on anyone at our whims just because they happened to be gay or bisexual too.

There’s a very rudimentary reason why I’m a lot more at ease with nudity around cisgender men but not around cisgender women.

We all have the same “equipment.” Cisgender women can’t relate to that daily condition.

Beyond Genitalia

Additionally, along with having greater bodily comfort around other cisgender men — I also would feel completely at ease changing clothes or showering in front of either trans men or trans women.

This might sound counterintuitive to what I’d just said. But hear me out…

Although transgender people have the added burden of being assigned the wrong sex at birth, they experience their own unique journeys transitioning — and coming out to friends, relatives, and acquaintances, in the process.

For that reason, I’m going to likewise feel “at home” around transgender people in intimate spaces (in addition to cisgender men), because we share the nexus of trusting heteronormative folks with our Queer identities. I’d want trans men to feel open being a part of our men’s group or changing with other male athletes (or gym patrons).

This is why “trans panic” is so absurd. Most transgender people who haven’t begun to transition yet — or who don’t have the economic means to transition — are already going to be terrified to use sex-segregated spaces, out of fear of being harassed or arrested.

They’re not going to violate anybody’s personal boundaries when they desire acceptance.

None of these realities mean that we should make ALL spaces unisex or gender-inclusive by default. It means we should retrofit facilities to allow gender-neutral options alongside of the sex-segregated areas.

We should have collaborative, gender-affirming plans in place, early-on — this will REDUCE societal confusion, rather than exacerbate it.

Balancing Inclusion with Comfort

Ultimately, any of you who resort to a “gay panic” or “trans panic” narrative need to decide what you really want.

Do you want heterosexual people to have your own designated spaces for changing, showering, urinating, and extricating?

How would you monitor the presence of homosexual or bisexual people in these spaces? Perform an “erection test” at the entrance…complete with visual aids?

We can still maintain same-sex spaces — regardless of sex crime statistics. It just means we need thoughtful and vigilant dialogue when raising future generations.

Sex ed curriculums must be gender-inclusive:

New educators need to learn from the mistakes of those who came before them, and stop indoctrinating youth with assumptions based on heteronormativity:

Time must be made for difficult conversations:

Campaigns such as “You Can Play” and “Straight But Not Narrow” are evolving attempts to produce this fellowship…so that, someday, we can ALL shower and pee in comfort.