Shooters Add to July 4 Fireworks
NRA claims 2nd Amendment right to gun celebrations

At least 11 mass shootings marred the 2023 4th of July holiday weekend, and that was before major celebrations scheduled to begin on Tuesday evening. While President Biden declared the shootings as deplorable, the NRA has defended the shootings as Americans exercising their Second Amendment rights to celebrate with armed fireworks.
“Just as boys will be boys with Black Cat fireworks on this most revered of holidays, men will be men by celebrating with real firepower,” proclaimed NRA spokesman D.D. Onarrival Tuesday afternoon. “The founding fathers wouldn’t have given us the right to indiscriminate use of fireworks if they didn’t expect a few casualties, especially when we celebrate the gifts of guns they gave us on a momentous occasion like the Fourth.”
“Just as boys will be boys with Black Cat fireworks on this most revered of holidays, men will be men by celebrating with real firepower.”
As of this writing, the Gun Violence Archive identified shootings in Akron, Indianapolis, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Wichita, and two in Ft. Worth, Texas since festivities began Saturday. While the death toll is far below the record 180 killings in 2021, the use of firearms during Independence Day celebrations has become a 4th of July tradition.
“What some call a mass shooting, we call a public celebration of our independence,” Justice Samuel Alito told a small gathering of multimillionaire but legal donors on the yacht of multimillionaire Paul Singer earlier today. “My colleagues and I have already agreed to strike down, I mean review restrictions on gun ownership for overprotective, so called violent partners, and tomorrow we plan to invite review of any restrictions launched after today’s celebrations.”
“What some call a mass shooting, we call a public celebration of our independence.”
“Today we celebrate the red, white, and blue,” Onarrival declared. “What’s wrong with a few decorative splashes of red? Ask any soldier. If you’re not willing to risk a few bullets to defend our Second Amendment freedoms, you’re not really an American at all.” He added that cities like Highland Park, Illinois, who cancelled parades to respect victims of previous Independence Day shootings, no longer value their freedom.
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene Tweeted shortly before posting, “All these people whining about gun violence, but we do nothing about killer seals prowling the California beaches. Liberals.”
President Joe Biden decried the Independence Day violence in a statement earlier today. Unfortunately, his statement was drowned out by reports he and his son Hunter snorted cocaine in the West Wing on FOX News. “Typical,” Onarrival claimed. “Biden wants to prosecute freedom loving Americans for celebrating the fourth with their AK-47s. Who’s going to prosecute him? There’s no Second Amendment protecting drug rights.”

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