“Biden Busted With Cocaine in West Wing”
FOX News jumps ahead of other media with Snowflake Biden label
“Snowflake Biden was caught white handed in White House,” FOX News broadcasters declared shortly before noon EST while the rest of the nation celebrated Independence Day. The report added that Biden was “busted with cocaine in the West Wing” by members of the Secret Service during a routine security sweep on Sunday.
Within hours of the first report, every FOX broadcaster had adopted the nickname “Snowflake Biden” to describe the President. In Congress, Marjorie Taylor Greene moved to add drug dealing to the list of articles of impeachment she plans to bring against the Commander in Chief.
Outside the fairy-tale universe of FOX, other media have been more cautious, simply reporting that Secret Service found a “suspicious powder” in a West Wing common area, and that preliminary tests suggest is cocaine. Confirmation will depend on more definitive tests by an authorized laboratory. Biden had not been in the White House on the day the powder was discovered.
In Congress, Marjorie Taylor Greene moved to add drug dealing to the list of articles of impeachment she plans to bring against the Commander in Chief.
Shortly after breaking the news, FOX spoke to Senator Chuck Grassley and Representative James Comer, who claimed to have 17 tapes proving definitively that Biden and his son Hunter threw a cocaine party for Democratic supporters and Ukraine lobbyists. When asked what the tapes revealed when they listened to them both admitted they hadn’t listened to them, or even seen them, but knew of a whistleblower who knew of a whistleblower who knew a whistleblower who had personally fabricated all of them.
Grassley then added, “But there are 17 tapes.” To which Comer affirmed, “Hunter Biden.” They also provided FOX News with a photo of Biden and his son with their noses covered in white powder, which they assured the network “is not Photoshopped or deep faked or anything like that. We swear.”
Outrage expressed in political community
Former/current president Donald Drumpf called for a special prosecutor to get to the bottom of “this outrageous scandal that could only happen in a Democratic White House. There’s no middle ground with the Snowflake Biden crime family. Today it’s cocaine, tomorrow heroin, by the end of the week they’ll be dropping drugs by parachute into the inner cities using Air America planes.”
“This outrageous scandal that could only happen in a Democratic White House. There’s no middle ground with the Snowflake Biden crime family. Today it’s cocaine, tomorrow heroin, by the end of the week they’ll be dropping drugs by parachute into the inner cities using Air America planes.”
Florida governor Ron DeSantis, campaigning with rivals in New Hampshire, declared upon hearing the news that he would instruct the Florida legislature to “outlaw Florida school children from visiting the White House.” He added that, “We don’t want our children exposed to any more corrupting influences. It’s bad enough that gay and trans cabinet members are grooming our children from a distance with trans-telepathic brain waves. Add cocaine into the mix and the White House will be molesting our kids and trafficking them to Democratic strongholds like San Francisco and Chicago.”
Relaxing at home for the fourth, President Biden replied to the news with “what else is new?” He then returned to his phone call with White House aides to press efforts for student debt relief.
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