TRUE STORY

She Broke His Heart — And For Good Reason

Is love enough?

Enlightenment is the ability to share light on both subjective and objective realities — being able to understand perspectives other than your own. The only way we are able to learn from our pasts is not to focus on the wrong done to us, but to scrutinise our role in the play.

Relationships see a lot of mistakes from both parties, and many individuals run off feeling they’ve been hurt and done a great injustice. When it comes to relationships, it takes two to make it work, but just one is enough to break it up.

Its been over 7 years since Lara broke up with Tunde, and that’s how long it has taken him to learn from his past.

When Tunde met Lara, it was in their secondary school days and they’ve never been with anyone — young adolescence, still inexperienced in the affairs of love. But they were attracted to each other early on, or so was Tunde. She would be his first, and he — hers.

Soon after he was man enough to approach her, a love story that would change both their lives was born. She was from the upper class, the daughter of a wealthy petroleum engineer, a conservative and modest family.

He was from the average class — a struggling family. Their worlds were different, but they seemed to click. What could have strengthened this union? Were they both attracted to each others innocence or naivete? But whatever it is, they both fit each other’s ideal. And the ensuing years will show how their love blossomed and became the crux upon which their lives orbits.

Everything was done with the other in mind, permission was asked first — not because it was tyrannical, but because they simply wanted the other to be part of everything. And they loved it this way.

Oh that young love that swallows us up, fills us with hope, faith and feeling of the greatest intensity. Nothing compares to it. The kind of love that gives the world its color, and fragrance. It usually is overwhelming because it somehow completes us. We do not mind if the world is against us, as long as our lover is by our side.

And when their secondary school days were up, they made sure distance wasn’t a barrier. They lived in the same city, but some miles apart, and were still under their parents. So they spent every hour of every day on the phone. Millions of texts and chats exchanged, but it always seemed not enough. At night, sleep was a barrier seeking to keep them apart, and they would not have it. So at night, they would talk until they sleep off on each other.

They would fight and make up on the phone. It was their own little world, and no one could understand nor take it from them. She was the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and he was the most handsome boy she ever has met.

What made love so potent and overwhelming when we’re young is that, at our younger years, there were no fears, no reservations — we go all in. We were less self-centred and more daring to give. But over the years, as we grow up, life’s blows harden us, makes us more sceptical and cynical. Who can blame us?

Soon they were off to school — university. At least she was. She got accepted, but not him. Thus started the beginning of their end.

Life has always frowned on innocence and naivety. It is life’s job to see that none of us die a virgin.

The true test of their love was about to begin — would it stand or crumble? The gap between their world is about to widen even more as she went up to the university, and he has to wait for a few more years for his turn. But by then, she would be three years ahead. Which meant, when she gets out, he will have three more to remain behind.

A young love is like hatchlings shielded from the outside world. Soon enough, a time will come when they’ll have to face the world and love will be tested. The question will thus be; will love be enough?

In fairness, as Tunde would come to accept, Lara was a great lover. Despite their worlds apart, despite she was way ahead in life, she played her role. She tried to make him a man — to help him grow. When he couldn’t continue in school — she paid the fee. When he needed to find something doing — she helped finance it. But he was just too naive and lacked experience, and the will to do the things she desired or was offering. Every opportunity she provided, he squandered.

It is usually said that at certain point, girls grow up faster than boys — what great misfortune that is for men. Often, when we find true love, it requires us to grow up. A love without growth of both individual, is more likely to fail. Even worse, is when one grows and the other stays the same.

Tunde was a boy and could not see why he needed to become a man until it was too late. Necessity they say is the mother of invention, but his ignorance was great.

A few years later, she has become a woman, while he, has become a dropout. she needed a home to nest, but he couldn’t provide it. Over the years, he has proved to her that when it comes to responsibility, he is incapable. She was raised in a home where she was taught to be hardworking, focused and responsible, should she now settle for one that’s not?

But today( 7 years later), he knows and he understands. He just broke up with his girlfriend after three years — she would not grow up and take on responsibility. He had to let her go because finally, he has grown. He knows what he wants now; no games — one who is focused and hardworking, just like Lara desired seven years ago. He is ready to have a home now, but she isn’t. So he let her go.

We err when we think the feelings of love is enough. Love alone cannot stand — it wished to, but it can’t. Love is affected by our environment. The love may be great, but both couple must be on the same playing field, it may be true, but unless we are able to grow as individuals alongside our partners, we’ll end up been a dead wood holding them back.

Today, after nearly a decade, and after breaking up with his girlfriend, he finally understood why Lara had to go. It has taken him 7 years through self-reflection to understand: Lara grew, she was ready. But he wasn’t. He can’t stay mad at her anymore because he understands. He finally forgives her and wished her well in her marriage.