Sexual Positions: A Report Card

What worked, what didn’t work, and why

I never thought I’d be one to try a lot of sexual positions. Little did I know that one day, I’d be with a man who wanted to try every position possible. We didn’t get quite that far in our seven years together, but we definitely experienced a lot of interesting moments of union.

Here’s what worked and didn’t work (with a little creative license by me on some of the names):

The Bridge

My partner absolutely loved to kneel between my legs and pull me up so that our hips were level. My butt would be lifted off the bed — almost like I was in bridge pose, but instead of my feet on the mattress, he would hold my legs against his shoulders.

He said he loved the pressure inside me when I was in this position.

I did not enjoy it so much.

In this position, his penis would hit me hard against the interior of my vagina (a sensation that I love when done in a soft, slow manner) and would usually cause him to hit against my cervix during thrusting, which I find very painful.

There was also no stimulation of my clit, whatsoever, making this pose not just uncomfortable, but useless, as far as climaxing went. I’d usually last in this position for about a minute and a half before having to move on.

Final grade: D

The Canoe

In this position, we’d lie down with our heads between each other’s ankles, our hips meeting in the middle. My partner thought this would be so sexy, but ultimately, we had an awkward time in it. It was hard for him to keep a rhythm with the thrusting and I felt disconnected from him, with my torso so far away from his.

Final grade: D-

The Spoon with Lifted Leg

You know this one — classic porn position, so of course, my partner insisted on doing this one almost every time we had sex. He’d spoon up behind me, pull my hips back against him, enter me from there, while holding my top leg up.

He clearly got a lot of pleasure out of this pose, considering the fact that it was a regular on our sexual menu, but it wasn’t particularly stimulating for me. I liked the sensation of him inside me from that angle, but there was no clit stimulation (and neither one of us did a very good job manually assisting in that department). I never climaxed in that position, though he often did.

I did enjoy seeing how much it turned him on and feeling his chest against my back. I especially loved it if he kissed my neck or nibbled on my ear.

Final grade: C+

Doggy Style

This is one of my all-time favorite positions. I absolutely love to be on all fours, with a man behind me, kneeling between my legs, sliding into me, holding me by the hips. It’s so primal. It gets me crazy aroused just to think of it.

Unfortunately, every man I’ve been with would push my head or shoulders down onto the mattress once in this position. They said they liked to feel like they were dominating me.

I hated that. This really triggers me, making me feel unsafe and basically invisible. In doggy style, I want to be all the way up on all fours, my shoulders and hips level.

I love the angle of stimulation in this position and how raw and sexual it feels. But again, there is no clit or breast stimulation which I really need and my partners and I were never able to attend to that in a manner that didn’t feel awkward or clumsy. As such, this position was generally used as an appetizer.

Final grade: B+

The Pick Up

My last partner loved to pick me up, wrap my arms around his waist and try to hold me against the wall while he was thrusting, or sit me down on the counter or washing machine. We inevitably ended up laughing when trying this, no matter how much we practiced, because we just couldn’t get it right. He’d get tired so quickly holding me up and if I was sitting, my movements always felt so constricted, I couldn’t quite get to orgasm.

My partner always used to say it looked so hot in the movies, but it wasn’t so hot in real life.

Final grade: C

Meditation Style

I loved sitting on my partner’s lap when he was cross-legged. Then I’d guide him inside me and wrap my legs around his waist. I loved the way he could hold me in that position and how it seemed to slow everything down and make us pay attention to the present moment, to our connection.

This position also, interestingly, was a “power pose” for me. I always felt so confident. Sometimes I would lean back on my arms so my partner could watch me move and look at my breasts. I’ve never experienced that kind of confidence in any other position.

Though again, it was constricting and hard to keep a rhythm going, and I was never able to orgasm from this position.

Final grade: A-

Upside Down

My partner often pulled me onto his lap when he was sitting in our recliner and I never knew what kind of hanky-panky would follow from there. One day, after he had taken off all my clothes, he turned me upside down and pushed me down the length of his body so that my head was resting between his feet and my legs were up alongside his head. He gave me oral sex in that position, which he apparently found very exciting, despite having to hike me up every so often as I slid further down the length of the chair.

It was definitely an interesting novelty position, but it made me feel very vulnerable in a sexual act that is already very vulnerable for me. It was also hard for me to concentrate as I felt myself continue to slip down the chair. And honestly, I couldn’t stop worrying about what I looked like naked and upside down from where he was sitting.

I remember I had to work really hard to come in that position, thanks to the distraction of my positioning and all the associated mental chatter. (I suspect he worked really hard for that orgasm, too.)

Final grade: D

The Wheelbarrow

Occasionally, my partner would position me on my forearms (as if I was doing forearm plank), kneel between my legs behind me, then lift up my legs so our hips were level and he could enter me. He liked to vary this by only lifting one leg, or turning my hips slightly to the side, or moving one of my legs far out beside me or…

He said that position felt so indecent and hot to him.

I usually ended up just hanging out there, working on my ab muscles because those positions did absolutely nothing for me and became uncomfortable quickly.

Final grade: F+

The Perpendicular

We tried a lot of variations of me lying perpendicular to him. Me facing the head of the bed, me facing toward the foot of the bed… Then with my hips rolled to one side, then with both my legs over his hips, as if I was trying to sit on his lap sideways…

I don’t think either of us found any satisfaction in these positions. For me, there just wasn’t enough connection. For him, I think the angle was awkward and he wasn’t getting the kind of view he wanted.

Final grade: F

69

Does anyone enjoy this position? I am dying to know.

I’ve tried this with two different partners, and with both of them, I felt like an easily-startled rabbit. I’d be focusing on pleasuring my partner and suddenly feel his tongue between my legs and my whole body would jerk, startled by the contact.

I once read that this position can be hard for women because it’s not easy for us to receive pleasure when we are focused on giving pleasure to someone else. Also, let’s face it, it’s hard to let loose when you have someone’s dick in your mouth. That’s a sensitive piece of flesh there, and it’s hard to stop worrying that you might accidentally hurt your lover in a moment of abandon.

Final grade: F

The Chair

Another favorite of my last partner — laying me on my back and folding my legs so that they formed a chair shape (the seat being my ass and back of my thighs, the chair back being my calves). He loved this position so much, but I found it excruciatingly painful. The angle was severe, turning the sensual sweep of the penis into a poking invasion instead. Further, it compressed the length of my vagina so much that he’d slam into my cervix with barely any effort. We tried this on two occasions before I permanently vetoed it from the menu.

Final grade: F-

And my two favorite (drumroll….):

Cowgirl

I love cowgirl because it gives me the most intense sensations of penetration, though I have yet to fully explore this. I love feeling like I’m in control. I love the easy access this position gives a lover to the breasts and clit. I love being able to duck my head into a kiss or bury my face into the warmth between his neck and shoulder. I love, love, love the feeling of his fingers running down my back or his hands holding the weight of my breasts.

Final grade: A++

Missionary

Yes, missionary.

I love simple missionary because of its intimacy. Whenever I felt vulnerable, emotional, needy, or romantic, this position was my preference.

I loved the weight of my partner’s body on top of me. I loved the warmth of his body all around me. I loved feeling like I was cradling and receiving him, between my legs, between my breasts, inside me. I loved being able to stroke his back and bottom and arch my hips toward him. I loved the way this position made it so easy to kiss and cuddle, but in an instant, we could transition into thrashing limbs and ruthlessly colliding hips. I loved the way he could twist his head to nip at my breast, and the way I could dig my fingers into his ass when I wanted him to press deeper into me.

Final grade: A

There are still a lot of positions to explore, someday, and I look forward to that — especially as I continue to strip off years of shame and inhibitions. (And I’d love the chance to find a way to enjoy doggy style a little better…)

It’s funny how through all that exploration, I found that the simple classics were the ones I enjoyed the most and the ones I still fantasize about when I’m dreaming about my future partner.

© Yael Wolfe 2019