Humor | Comic Verse

Sex On A Stick

I got him on the internet

He’s sex on a stick, this bloke I met, I got him on the internet.

Rather tall at six foot two, Long blond hair, and eyes of blue.

Shoulders broad, and legs so long, Around him, all the ladies throng.

I left him alone, for just one minute, A trollop pounced, “Lovely night, innit?”

I glare at him, and our eyes meet, His look says, “Save me,” he’s so sweet.

Caught like a six-foot fish in a net, He struggles and flounders, he’ll drown, I bet.

I wander over, put my hand on his arm. “Hush sweetie,” I say, “No cause for alarm.”

“He’s already taken,” I murmur discreetly, “He’s mine forever, he loves me completely.”

The floozy looks cross, she argues with vigor. The imaginary gun in my head pulls its trigger.

“You’d better buzz off, or I’ll give you a smack, I’m no good at fights, but I’ll give it a crack,”

I hiss with a snarl, all pretense vanished. She slinks off, dejected, effectively banished.

“Let’s go home now, sweetie, I’m tired of fighting. Do Netflix and chill, I could do with a night in.”

When you’ve got a man, who’s sex on a stick, It can be exhausting. It gets on my wick.

Something I wrote one windy Saturday morning when I couldn’t get off the couch.

I hope you enjoy it.

And, yes, it is based on my boyfriend. He’s walking about looking very pleased with himself.

Here is another one, if you are in the mood: