Sex Marks: To Own Them or to Hide Them?
After an intense sensual play sex night, I am self-conscious of my marks.
When I was in pole dancing classes, I had what we called “pole kisses”: bruises, usually in my legs, arms and feet. Apart from work, I never hid them — I was very proud to be an aspirant pole dancer.
But I don’t have the same relaxed posture with my sex marks.
Last night Mr P. and I had a long session of impact play. He was delicious hungry for me; we went wild. Today, I have sex marks all over my body, the most obvious in my neck. It’s my weak soft: bite me, grab my hair in the back neck or use or nails on it and you set me on fire. Knowing that, last night, starved Mr P., devoured my neck, leaving it a (beautiful) disgrace.
After our first round of sex on the sofa (an almost quickie one, to satisfy our raw hunger), we went to the bedroom and brought out to play some of his sex toys.
Last night, I was flogged, whipped, spanked, and scratched; I had my flesh grabbed so hard, Mr P. fingers are printed on my body.
Today, I have mark bites and hickeys in my neck, bruises in my arms and inner thighs, flogger marks a bit everywhere and a pink and bruised ass. And I’m wearing a huge smile — I fucked for hours last night, then went to sleep and when we woke up, Mr P. and I fucked again (vanilla sex, for a soft, sweet awakening). I smile because of my delicious sex memories.
Sex in a relationship isn’t everything, but it has a significant weight. I like Mr P. a lot; we are dating for several months now. Due to pandemic, apart from long walks in parks and some long-distance drives, we don’t go out, we usually stay at his house. As soon as life goes back to “normal” here in England, we will go to pubs (how I miss it!), to the cinema; we will travel and eat in restaurants. All of that, for me, it’s important in a relationship. But so is sex. Even more important: satisfying sex! I had a short term relationship with bad sex; I don't wish to repeat the experience.
With Mr P., I was introduced to the BDSM world — I’m still learning and experimenting; enjoying each bit of it. Before that, I always had vanilla sex. As long as I am in a relationship (I’m not one for casual sex), I am sexually active. I love sex.
Now that I’m exploring sensual play, I always end up with lots of marks in my body. The ones in my ass don’t worry me at all; I’m not going to the beach so, apart from Mr P. and myself, no one sees them. But it’s summertime, so I usually use shorts and short sleeve shirts. My sex marks will be exposed.
Marks in the neck was an exception — we usually don’t mark each other’s neck because of our jobs. But because I’m off work for a couple of weeks, Mr P. took the liberty of satisfying my neck-pleasure and stimulate it wildly (the man was on fire last night). Now I have to use a scarf. Luckily, despite being summer, the weather is smooth, with low temperatures (it’s England after all.)
Being new to the kink sex, I’m still learning how to manage the marks in my body. The stinging sensations that last hours and even a day or two, don’t bother me; much the opposite. They make me smile; they refresh the memories of the sex I had. Every time I sit down or cross my legs and the stinging arises, I remember in detail how Mr P. did it to me. It’s reliving the pleasure in my mind.
Should I own my sex marks?
I can simply not hide and own my marks, proudly. If people notice it, either they can think I’m super clumsy, that I was abused, or, the truth: that I have kink sex. Which, despite I don’t give a fuck of what others think about me, it isn’t something I particularly enjoy to announce in public. I like to have my life private.
With my friends, I have no problems, there's enough trust and acceptance between us for that. But in my job, with colleagues and acquaintances, with the lady in the cafe or my neighbours … I don’t think I’m comfortable with exposing my sex marks.
But it’s my body; it’s my sex life — no one but me has a word to say about it, right? I have no reason to be ashamed of!
But if only life would be so simple…
Should I hide my sex marks?
For those who don’t practice or don’t understand kink sex, seeing someone with physical marks in their body might be interpreted as physical trauma — they can assume my partner is abusive.
In my case, it's not a real risk because Mr P. and I live apart, but I wonder if we didn’t — like so many kinkster couples — and someone would spread the rumour that he is physically abusive with me. That would drive me batshit crazy! If that happened, it would jeopardize his career and his reputation. I know, I’m thinking way ahead, but it could happen!
Also, I have a friend that was sexually abused a few years ago. I wonder if me exposing my sexual marks can trigger memories of her abuse. No, definitely I won’t show my marks around her. Even if I told her how I got them, merely she looking at them could disturb her, and that's the last thing I want to do.
Our sex life respects no one else but ourselves. However, we don’t live in a bubble. I am a member of society; I live in a community; I have a job, friends, acquaintances and people that cross my life regularly or occasionally.
My body is marked with bruises, hickeys, scratches and flog marks. I use them proudly, but I decided to cover them. We don’t live in a homogeneous society — people’s values, understandings and morals are different. We should respect each other's choices and be exempt to them — it doesn’t concern us. But that’s not the reality: people judge, people demand consequences.
In private I will wear my sex marks proudly, but I’ll keep them hidden when I leave my house. I choose to maintain my life — my choices — hidden. I will cover my neck with scarfs, use long-sleeve shirts even in the summertime and abdicate to use shorts.
What I will never abdicate is to enjoy in full the pleasures of my sex life.
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