Annual Survey
Sex: How Everybody Else Is Doing It
Feet, Foreplay, Furries, and Female Condoms
The Big Optimistic Gathering of Uneducated Sluts has published their annual B.O.G.U.S. Sex Survey. Here are some of their key findings.
Cuddling
82% of unmarried women and 74% of unmarried men say they enjoy cuddling with their partners after sex.
78% of married women still enjoy cuddling, but often choose to do so with the family dog, while 52% of married men would rather cuddle with inanimate objects such as guns, BBQ smokers, baseball gloves, and blow up dolls.
Phones and TV
40% of married couples said that they had sex at least once a month with the television on.
An overwhelming majority of respondents, both male and female, admitted to answering their phone during sex. Only a minority of respondents said that after answering the phone, they put their mother on speaker and continued having sex as quietly as possible in the background.
Contraception
Respondents were asked to rank various contraception methods by how likely they were to use them. Based on this information, B.O.G.U.S. was able to rank contraceptives from most popular to least popular.
- Condoms
- Combined Pill
- Diaphragms
- The Pull-Out Method
- Contraceptive Implants
- Intrauterine Device
- Catching the man’s seed in a bible before it has a chance to spill onto the ground
- The Scoop-Out Method
- WD-40
- Female Condoms
Orgasm
31% of male respondents believe that the female orgasm is a myth propagated by the liberal media.
64% of female respondents reported having an orgasm during their last sexual encounter.
64% of female respondents also reported a willingness to lie to their partner about whether or not they had an orgasm during their last sexual encounter.
96% of straight male respondents were able to orgasm during vaginal sex, while only 68% of all male respondents could orgasm during oral sex. 28% of male respondents achieved orgasm during anal sex, while a pathetic 0.056% of men achieved orgasm by rubbing their penis in between their partner’s pinky toes.
Kinks
11% of respondents under the age of 25 stated that they are saving themselves for marriage.
45% of respondents under the age of 25 stated that they are saving themselves for the invention of sophisticated sex robots that will make human copulation seem both obsolete and icky.
98% of male respondents were unwilling to let the Gathering of Uneducated Sluts attach a series of electrodes to their penis and testicles in order to measure the effects of severe electrical shock on arousal.
A whopping 100% of all respondents agreed that dressing up as an anthropomorphic representation of an animal increases the overall enjoyment of sex. Keep in mind that the B.O.G.U.S. Annual survey was conducted in a Holiday Inn lobby that was fully booked for a Furry Convention.
0.02% of all survey respondents reported only being able to achieve arousal if they and their partner dressed up like Halle Barry and Billy Bob Thornton, and one of them contorts their body and cries bitter desperate tears while repeating “Will you make me feel good?” over and over again in the least sexy voice possible.
Foreplay
One of the more surprising findings of the B.O.G.U.S. Annual survey was that the best predictor of the length of foreplay was the age of the participants.
Respondents between 50–65 engaged in the most foreplay, averaging 35–40 minutes.
Respondents between 35–50 came in second, averaging 25–30 minutes.
Respondents between 25–35 were close behind, averaging 20–25 minutes.
Respondents between 18–25 claimed to average 3 hours of foreplay per day, until it was explained to them that foreplay is actually sexual activity that proceeds intercourse and not time spent playing Fortnite.
When asked how long they engage in foreplay, 47% of respondents over the age of 80 insisted that they couldn’t hear the question. Upon repeating the question, the elderly participants demanded to know when lunch was.
Enjoyed yourself? Then read this Stupid:
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