Self-esteem Killing Your Sexuality

No wonder your sex life is boring

No doubt there are many connections between sexuality and self-esteem, and they play out in so many ways in people’s lives.

I thought I would take a modern look at different ways people’s self-esteem affects their sexuality (and vice versa). At its core, self-esteem is about respecting ourselves — loving yourself.

Do you wake up every day and love to be yourself? Do you support you? We all have a need for self-esteem, where we demand recognition from our peers for our achievements, we develop a sense of competence and have the respect of others.

We feel our own self-esteem. Here’s how these needs can play into your sexuality.

If your self-esteem is built around your sexy or sexual prowess, then it’s built on a house of cards.

Having a specific reason for sex

Most of us are familiar with the idea that low self-esteem can mean bad decisions about sex — or a tendency to make good decisions with healthy self-esteem, for that matter. A sense of strong self-esteem will generally lead a person to make authentic choices about their sexuality, who to have sex with, whether to use protection, and so on.

Yet some people do not have a strong self-esteem and will make bad sexual decisions because they lack faith and strength in themselves, doubt themselves or have a strong internal sense of who they are and what they really want.

Some people literally feel (whether they are aware of it or not) that sex is all they have to offer. They give it to people they don’t really want to give it to, or who don’t appreciate sharing their body and sexuality because they want to be liked by them and have to build their self-esteem. Thoughtful, authentic, healthy sexual decisions depend on the presence of an enhanced sense of self worth.

Lack of sexual self-confidence

Self-esteem is about building confidence, loving yourself, having a healthy level of performance in life and gaining the respect of others. A lot of people have some kind of realization, even if it is subconscious, that when they feel sexually powerful, that self-confidence shows up in many ways. Self-confidence is generally considered sexy.

A lot of people feel that they are good at sex, even though they are not good at other things, and it gives them a sense of confidence. People who can consciously feed their sexual energy can boost their own confidence and use that energy as fuel for their life the way they really want to live it.

Likewise, lack of self-esteem is usually a lack of sexual self-confidence. This can come across as deceptive as an exaggerated or arrogant sexual attitude.

Over sexualization

Women are very conditioned that our job is to be beautiful and sexy and men are very conditioned to be sexually virile and desirable — and to mark their nicks in the bedroom when they achieve another sexual victory. There is a big pattern among many women of having sex, over sexualizing themselves, or using their sexiness to feel worthy or good at something.

If your self-esteem is built around your sexy or sexual prowess, then it’s built on a house of cards. Maybe it works for some people — it might be superficial, but when they’re good at it and their sexiness becomes their thing, they can really undermine their self worth for the rest of their lives.

There is so much media emphasis on how we should look, behave and perform sexually that this idea of ​​sex equals self-esteem is really inevitable. Ultimately, you need more than just your sexiness to develop your self-esteem.

Seeking approval from others

People with low self-esteem will constantly seek the approval of others, even if they are not aware of it. Certainly for most people seeking approval, wanting to know that you are wanted is important and that gives your self-confidence a boost.

This is of course based on ego and involves letting yourself be, thinking that you need someone else to love or praise you instead of praising yourself. It’s nice to be wanted and to remember your desire. But if you need it to feel good, something is wrong.

When we base our self-esteem on external factors, we are not really in charge of our lives and this makes us vulnerable and easily victimized. It can also lead to us not acting authentically or with integrity.

Obsessing over sexual performance

Living in a time when we have so much more information about sex is a big challenge for some “sex fanatics” who are committed to being the best they can be when it comes to sex. These are people who like to learn something and learn it well. You will! They will outshine most people when it comes to sex because they really took the time to learn how to be good at sex.

The downside, of course, is that being ‘good’ may be too important to you. If you have to be good at everything to be good, you are likely missing out on a lot of the joys of your life experience, and that can also indicate internal self-esteem issues in successful A + sex that you have. But hey, at least you have A + sex.