MENTAL HEALTH | SELF | SELF-IMPROVEMENT
Self-Compassion: What Would You Tell Your Children?
Reflections on self-punishment and a conversation with my best friend
I wrote an article last week about self-compassion, my struggles during depressive episodes, and how we can work toward being kind to ourselves. Check out the original article for some context:
My best friends are the absolute best and read everything I publish on Medium. Y’all are just the best!
One of them came back to me with an intriguing question,
“Is it possible that some guilt can benefit self-growth more than forgiveness? Or is that just a bullshit excuse to fully accept the need for self-compassion?”
Using guilt as a motivator to better yourself hadn’t occurred to me. I thought about this for a bit and then told her that guilt, resentment, and anger are toxic emotions. If you’ve ever held onto one of these emotions for a sustained amount of time, you know how heavy these can be.
Feeling guilt and holding onto guilt are two different things.
We went back and forth for a few more texts, and I finally asked her,
“If your daughter was in this same position, what would you tell her if she was sitting right in front of you? Would you tell her to use guilt to punish herself forever?”
Then I realized it comes down to positive vs. negative reinforcement. I asked her if she would still hold this guilt in 20 years as firmly as you do now? If so, is that the healthiest way to better yourself?
What about you?
If your child, sibling, best friend, or loved one was sitting right in front of you, what would you tell them?
If we could harness a bit of the compassion and love we give others and give it to ourselves, we’d be at peace with so much more about ourselves: flaws, mistakes, lies, and all.
If you punish yourself, or use your past mistakes to punish your present self, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
Tell me, what would you tell your children?
Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect with me. If you’re interested in more about mental health and self-improvement, check out a collection of my articles below:
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