Selective Perception Helps Perpetuate Systems of Racism and Oppression

At some point, mature people have to take responsibility and act to end the cycle of abuse

Growing up, my politically conservative cousins used to always exhibit the same disturbing and aggressive behavior. They were older than me, so I looked up to them and tried to emulate their mode of interacting with each other.

I never anticipated that this would get me into trouble.

My cousins would often stomp around and brag about how they could “whip” each other in a fight. This kind of bragging was their constant banter. I observed this before I knew anything about toxic masculinity.

At first, I did not invoke this kind of language myself since I’ve never liked the other idea of fighting. But after a while, I started to think that it was all just a game. They weren’t really threatening anyone. They were just saying silly things.

“If you touch my desk, I’ll whip you.”

“If you put on my jacket, I’ll whip you.”

Etc. It was the same as saying “good afternoon…” or so I thought.

On one occasion, after observing this mode of interaction all day, I sat down to dinner with my cousins. One of them took a French fry off my plate.

Thinking I’d figured out what was expected, I said, “If you touch another one of my fries, I’ll whip you.”

Instantly a silence descended over the whole dinner table. Everybody present put down their utensils and looked at me. “How dare you speak to your cousin like that!” my uncle said.

I was completely bewildered by this response. All I had done was duplicate the behavior that had been modeled for me all afternoon. I couldn’t understand why, if this behavior was offensive, nobody had called it out before.

That was my first interaction with the concept of selective perception. Since then, I’ve observed many instances where people are indifferent to how their behavior might affect others, but hypersensitive when that behavior is turned back on them. I’ve come to the conclusion that people are completely blind about the level of toxicity they pump out into the world, and they’ll do anything to escape accountability when it comes back to them.

Selective perception

Human beings have the capacity to exist within systems of aggressive and oppressive behavior without complaint. In passive survival mode, they enable these systems to perpetuate.

It’s an odd thing to be lectured about inappropriate behavior when all you’ve done is conform to the preferred mode of interaction demonstrated by your community. At my cousins’ dinner table, I was scolded for offering an “inappropriate physical threat.” This came even though I knew everyone at the table had heard my cousins speak the same words on dozens of occasions.

Everybody at the table got very serious and told me how awful it was it says you were going to “whip” somebody. I was young enough that I didn’t even know what they meant. I just thought it was a silly manner of speech they used in their household.

I hadn’t brought that word into their home; they had implanted that word into my mind.

In any abusive system, you have populations of oppressors, enablers, and protesters. Protesters are the ones who try to speak up against unjust systems, but they always seem to represent a minority.

The enablers are a strange group because, although they may not directly participate in abusive behavior themselves, they object when they’re lumped in with the abusers. This is the “not all” group (as in #notallmen) who are more fixated on perceived affronts to their feelings than they are about dismantling systems of abuse.

Their behavior is nothing more than an unproductive distraction.

Selective perception and racism

There are many cases where our society seems to be more fixated on protecting the feelings of the oppressor than alleviating the suffering of the oppressed. One example is the recent pushback against critical race theory. One ridiculous argument that’s used to attack CRT is that teaching the true history of slavery in the United States makes white people feel bad about themselves.

This is a weird displacement of guilt when you think about it. Any reasonable person should be able to conclude that anyone who owned slaves should feel bad about themselves. That’s the whole point of teaching systems of oppression. Fabricating a claim that honest conversation will result in “innocent” parties taking the blame only serves to perpetuate mechanisms of evil.

Then there’s the argument of “my family never owned any slaves,” which doesn’t justify anything. The reality is that anyone who lived in an era where slavery was commonplace had an inherent moral obligation to oppose that institution. The reason is that if you sit passively and allow immoral behavior to go on unchecked around you, you will eventually be caught up in the unforeseen consequences of those actions.

Therefore, no, the white people who “didn’t own slaves” weren’t innocent.

Racism denial is an element of selective perception

These are both components of a larger argument where people deny the existence of racism in the modern United States.

This is an example of how people can be surrounded by abhorrent behaviors that are modeled all the time, but selective perception makes people blind to the fact that this is going on.

Again we have the overt racists, the enablers, and the protesters. If you call out the acts of racism, the enablers will resent any implication that they should be lumped in with the overt racists. “I didn’t do anything, I was just sitting here.”

Exactly! And that’s why you’re guilty.

The enablers passively watch the abhorrent system of oppression continue, but they have a selective perception. They are blind to how their own contributions help maintain the system. They will passionately insist they are innocent when they are not.

The enablers are almost entirely focused on themselves. Rather than understand how dismantling racism will help them, they are entirely fixated on not having to shoulder any blame.

In fact, they become resentful if you even attempt to have honest and responsible conversations.

Breaking the cycle means taking responsibility

One benchmark to determine whether you’re on the right side of history is to check whether your actions are self-serving or selfless. If you are acting to assist and empower vulnerable populations, you’re most likely on the right track.

My father was a person who always claimed that I didn’t treat him with “respect.” However, all I ever did was model the behavior he directed at me. It was his job to teach me respect. Throughout my early life, I thought snarky comments were how we demonstrated affection. I never understood why sometimes he’d respond in rage, or go off and mope.

If you want to be treated with respect, you have to model respect. However, my father’s selective perception made him incapable of recognizing when he was rude. He only complained when the product of that behavior came back to hurt him.

Racism and generational conflict are both learned behavior

I see elements of selective perception when I discuss generational conflict. Personally, I believe attacks directed at young people are a tactic of fascists. People always say, “What’s wrong with the youth of today?”

Nothing is wrong with the youth of today besides the fact that many of them were stuck with parents that modeled disrespectful behavior. If you don’t like how your kids behave, that’s on you.

Here is an example of an article that makes inappropriate, unfavorable sweeping generalizations against a whole generation. To publish an article like that is to model disrespect. However, I find that when I denounce unfair generational attacks against young people some people from older generations invoke their selective perception and insist it’s not happening.

It’s hard to have honest conversations about generation bashing because you’re discussing a blind spot. I recently had a very educated man (he had a PhD), insist that the only thing he saw was “compliments and respect” directed at the young.

That comment seemed especially odd to me because a person with a PhD should have enough education to know better than to put so much faith into his personal observations. That’s not a statistically valid sample. So, what is it about selective perception that makes it allow people to overcome their professional training?

This is a powerful force.

I’ve actually had three conversations recently with people who object to phrases like “Ok Boomer” but who fail to recognize that phrase represents a response to modeled behavior rather than an unprovoked attack.

Generational conflict, like racism, is a result of older generations failing to model appropriate behavior. Too often, when you call older generations out on it, selective perception kicks in and all their energy goes toward denying that they have any culpability in the issue.

This is why systems of injustice are allowed to continue.

At some point, we all have to stop thinking about ourselves. We have to put our foot down, declare, “enough is enough” and not get all bent out of shape if we feel people make unfair statements including us with the oppressors.

The fact is, if we aren’t actively working to dismantle systems of oppression, we ARE among the oppressors.

Whole generations are racist and oppressive

The American fixation is to declare everything as “exceptional.” Well, sorry to break it to you, but if your generation thought it was okay to hold human beings as property, then your generation was pretty awful.

I’m a member of Generation X. If Millennials want to complain about how they were treated by Generation X, I feel they have every right to do so. It doesn’t hurt my feelings to lump me in with the jerks. My focus is on trying to build a better world for my kids. I’m trying to model respect. I don’t stomp around demanding that everyone treat me with “respect.” That’s what oppressors do. I’m open to criticisms because I want to be a decent human being.

What’s happening is that every generation is full of people who are indifferent to the acts of racism and oppression that go on every day. They’re indifferent to unfair criticisms leveled at young people. They sit passively, and they allow these systems of abuse to continue.

But later, when the younger generation finally grows into their strength and starts to retaliate, all of a sudden, the passive enablers who did nothing and let the abuse happen feel it’s “unfair” that any criticisms should be leveled at them. Only now, when they are the target, do they find that “offensive.”

If these people had spoken up with the same passion to defend the vulnerable as they now use to defend themselves, the acts of oppression would have died on the vine. It would have never come back to them. So, no, there are no “innocent” people in history. What we have are crimes and injustices, and we should all be collectively focused on making things better for the future.

Forget about your feelings and work to stop the systems of abuse

It’s not about you. Be a person who defends the powerless. Our society needs to collectively understand that even people who didn’t directly participate in acts of evil share responsibility when that evil happens in their time. Our focus needs to be on stopping the evil.

All selective perception does is allow evil to continue unchecked, and then it serves to obstruct anyone who attempts to implement a solution. It’s not enough to not be racist; you must oppose the racists around you. It’s not enough to be nice to young people, you must oppose the members of your generation that unfairly engage in unprovoked generational warfare.

If you stand and do nothing while a vulnerable, innocent person is attacked, you can’t claim to be a victim when that person grows up and comes after you. Your inaction created that awful reality.

All little kids want to do is earn the love and respect of their parents. The reason we have evil is because the older generations hand it down by spending all their energy insisting they are not to blame. You can make better use of your energy.

Quit thinking about yourself, think about the future, be a good ancestor, stop with the selective perception.

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