See Me Through The Fog

Prose poem

Going to sleep with ease — for a few hours or forever — is only for those people who never told a lie, never been cynical, never fought, never been false, or drunk.

Lying next to you, sleep never came easy. The truth was found deep down and warm in your loveliness. The rottenness of days, the hunger, the fury, the pain and sorrow was made bearable by the weight of your body falling on mine. Pulling me down tight as I pull you down, rolling you sideways into the path of the moon’s light stretching out through the window. Hold me in your arms, tighter still, keep me here, let me feel whole.

I wait in a hundred rooms, in a dozen countries, looking through a thousand windows imagining your face. Because, in you I have someone to cry for, live for, love through.

Come, let’s walk the shore. Feel the cold sand on our feet. We’ll wrap up against the thick, syrupy fog. Even Ben More, guardian over the fells, the watcher over my youth, stands invisible behind the dampness of the morning’s drawn silk curtain. Let’s walk on the shore under grey skies that lack one idea to inspire me.

I used to work harder, faster, and get more done. Looking back and reflecting on a year’s work, I’m forced to confront the obvious; quantity doesn’t always equal quality. What does get done will have to be done a little better every day. I want to take the softness from between your sighs, bring music to your ears, one more time, and one more time again; you are my God in His heaven, and when I’m with you, everything begins.

I wonder when we met, as if no meeting ever happened. My language was desperate, weak, a childish lingo when I wanted it to be the strong.

I was a shy boy fighting the world. Making songs that speak for my heart, for my wayward life, willing to walk away when complete and leave them to be what they will become. Then come home, kiss you, wrap you in my arms, push a pillow beneath your head. We are on a journey into a love that will not be finished in our lifetimes — every tomorrow, unbought, ready for you and I alone.