“Scrabble or Blowjob?” She Asked

Overall, it was a good birthday.

It was her husband’s birthday.

After twenty-two years together, she knew what he liked and disliked. The former included blowjobs and Scrabble — strangely in equal measures — and the latter surprises, poetry, and halibut.

The year before, they had been fighting all week. So, for his birthday, she had overcooked halibut for dinner and written him a birthday poem.

I will never write poetry It’s never funny Nor sexy And I’m a Lady. Happy Birthdee.

She was particularly proud of the moronic Birthdee at the end. If there was something he disliked more than poetry, it was this kind of lazy poetic license.

She was pissed and wanted him to realize it.

He knew her well and was intelligent enough to apologize — several times.

She never stayed angry when he apologized. She just couldn’t. Maybe that was what they called love? The next day, she had awoken him with a blowjob, a late birthday gift.

This year, they had been fighting again, and she wanted him to suffer.

“Scrabble or Blowjob?” She asked. She knew what was coming. They had met in college when they both attended Logic 101.

“Both,” he said, smiling.

“I knew you were going to say that.”

“And I knew you knew,” he replied.

“Remember old Grimsby Hackney?”

Of course, he did. He was their logic professor.

“Did you know the old pervert tricked me into giving him a blowjob once?”

“What? You never told me this!” His voice was trembling. He was afraid of what would come next. He knew from experience how slutty his wife could be.

“I didn’t want you to get upset, but he died last month, and I can tell you now. It happened before we started dating. I went to his office to ask him about an assignment, and he said I could skip it if I played a logical game with him. I agreed, lost, and ended up giving him a blowjob. Well, two. I tried double or quits and lost again.”

She could see him fume.

“Sorry, I should have kept this story for myself. It’s bad taste to share it on your birthday.” She knew she was acting bitchy, but she wanted to provoke him.

She wanted to fight.

But her husband knew her well and was intelligent enough to de-escalate. He took the scrabble and wrote on the board: halibut, surprise, and poetry.

“As you well know, this is what I dislike. Your story was an awful surprise. I hated it.” His voice was calm and confident. “Let’s move on.”

He cleared the board and wrote new words: blowjob, scrabble, and you.

“And this is what I love. I love blowjobs, scrabble, and you. In that order.”

He stood up, dropped his pants and boxers, and waited for her to get to work. After the blowjob, he behaved like a gentleman and let her win the game before making love — on the table. They would never use this scrabble board again, but it didn’t matter.

Overall, it was a good birthday.

This story was in response to a weird challenge started by Smillew Rahcuef.

Thanks to May More 💜 for inspiring me to play. Here’s her entry:

Another story by Sonja Glucksberg