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Abstract

text=Share%20Your%20Story-,JK%20Rowling%20Turned%20Down%20By%2012%20Publishers,Success%20With%20Harry%20Potter%20Books&text=By%20Dana%20Hall.">rejected by 12 publishers</a> before Harry Potter was accepted.</p><p id="59e3">Most people feel defeated by harsh comments because their ego is hurt. No matter how kind and pragmatic the person criticising is, we can still take it too personally. I no longer support J.K. Rowling, but kudos to her for not getting personal about rejections.</p><p id="bbf4">Taking something personally means turning those words into inner criticism. If the comment was about a gap in our business plan, we expand it to say there’s a gap in our brain. We call ourselves names like “stupid”, “naive”, or “incompetent”.</p><p id="be2a">When we take criticisms too personally, we lost clarity on the work we’re doing.<b> Instead of focusing on doing the right thing, we become self-conscious. </b>The focus shifts from our work (or whatever it is), to ourselves.</p><p id="0692">Differentiating facts from opinions is extremely important. Especially when we deal with disapproval from family and society. The pressure and disappointments hit home, but we should always ask, are there any factual ground in these comments?</p><p id="90af">Most likely not.</p><h2 id="fe1d">Be thankful for having thick-skin</h2><p id="a35a">When I switched school at the age of 13, there was a dip in my academic performance. Given the <a href="https://medium.com/r?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.apadivisions.org%2Fdivision-7%2Fpublications%2Fnewsletters%2Fdevelopmental%2F2013%2F07%2Ftiger-parenting">tiger parenting</a> culture in Asia, the level of disapproval was sky-high.</p><p id="71be">It wasn’t easy for me to accept this, so I worked my ass off. My results improved and I was even given a Progress Award in front of the school.</p><p id="b2dd">When I walked up the stage for that Award, I wasn’t proud, I was embarrassed. This award felt like proof to my new school that I wasn’t stupid. But that was the time I appreciated and acquired the quality of being thick-skinned.</p><p id="2583">Being thick-skinned means being unfazed when facing criticisms and awkward situation. It also helps us to avoid taking things too personally. Yes, it might suck to be criticised, but it’s also alright, we just take the opinion on board and make sure we get things right.</p><p id="2868">Life is constant progress awards, let’s win them all.</p><p id="5983">So I thanked the school principal for the award, and for the rest of my academic life, I have continued to do well.</p><p id="1c4c">After the defeating call, I remembered why I was giving up securities for my so-called dreams.</p><p id="c839">This is because I believe I have the ability to make dreams a reality. I have the qualities of being thick-skinned, focused and humble. I can differentiate opinions from facts, and put my mind into getting better.</p><p id="8ce3">I am th

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e visionary.</p><p id="2274">So I thank everyone along the way who gives me both encouragements and criticisms. They are essential for my success, but they don’t replace me in my own journey.</p><p id="a823">If you like more self-development articles that focus on pragmatism, follow me and check my other articles out!</p><div id="e86b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/forget-marie-kondo-heres-how-i-successfully-downsized-and-became-a-minimalist-finally-ffc5c48dcf4c"> <div> <div> <h2>Forget Marie Kondo, Here’s How I Successfully Downsized and Became a Minimalist Finally</h2> <div><h3>4 easy tips to get it started for 2021!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*zZGTzgb8k7GuPHow)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="05bb" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/an-unexpected-explanation-to-why-we-seek-validation-77040806037"> <div> <div> <h2>An Unexpected Explanation to Why We Seek Validation</h2> <div><h3>If we can’t prove that we are enough, what will happen?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Cze1FGaM6q2gbuRP)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c395" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-review-our-current-life-objectively-so-we-know-what-to-do-next-43d2de516336"> <div> <div> <h2>How to Review Our Current Life Objectively So We Know What to Do Next</h2> <div><h3>Not by society standards or our own inner criticism</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*R18AvEzCl3kDTiDk)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="1e91" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/stop-telling-me-to-have-a-morning-routine-8349cdc73139"> <div> <div> <h2>Stop Telling Me to Have a Morning Routine</h2> <div><h3>Some people don’t need exercise or coffee to get their day started.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*cyaScAqTFOKKVKdl)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Say Thanks to Everyone Who Has Rejected Us, Criticised Us, and Disapproved Us

Because nice words just inflate our egos

Before my morning coffee, the successful entrepreneur on Zoom has politely criticised and disapproved of my entire business idea, with reasons. I thanked him, smiled and hung up the call, then banged my forehead straight on the desk.

Deep sigh.

Thank God I wasn’t asking for his money, or it would have been an outright rejection.

My life, at least for the first 30 years, has been a smooth ride. Studies, exams, jobs, and promotions all came pretty easily for me (except one small episode, discussed below). And yet, I’ve just given all these up for the fantasy of making my dreams come true.

Why am I doing this?

I stared at my business plan again and remembered why. Then, I sent him a thank-you email.

Great criticisms are like stinky cheese

There’re two types of criticisms.

One attacks the person unreasonably— like haters and racists, they’re insulting someone else to release the dissatisfaction in their lives. We just happen to become their punchbags.

Those criticisms are not worth listening to at all, especially not worth losing our mental health, willpower and even lives for. This is getting quite common and we should learn to become resilient to cyberbullying.

The other type of criticisms is a bit like stinky cheese, definitely an acquired taste but so delightful.

Stinky cheese criticisms are the ones given by people who actually listen to what we’ve to say. They’re brave and honest enough to comment constructively on our work, hopefully, based on their expertise and experience.

Negative comments are always hard to swallow, but if they have a point, they’re very useful.

To these harsh words, we must say thanks.

We say thanks because they aren’t being nice to avoid confrontation, they aren’t blindly boosting our ego, and they help to straighten our focus.

But they are still merely opinions

Although stinky cheese criticisms are helpful at times, it’s important to remember they’re still merely opinions. The future is completely unknown. We should remember that J.K. Rowling was rejected by 12 publishers before Harry Potter was accepted.

Most people feel defeated by harsh comments because their ego is hurt. No matter how kind and pragmatic the person criticising is, we can still take it too personally. I no longer support J.K. Rowling, but kudos to her for not getting personal about rejections.

Taking something personally means turning those words into inner criticism. If the comment was about a gap in our business plan, we expand it to say there’s a gap in our brain. We call ourselves names like “stupid”, “naive”, or “incompetent”.

When we take criticisms too personally, we lost clarity on the work we’re doing. Instead of focusing on doing the right thing, we become self-conscious. The focus shifts from our work (or whatever it is), to ourselves.

Differentiating facts from opinions is extremely important. Especially when we deal with disapproval from family and society. The pressure and disappointments hit home, but we should always ask, are there any factual ground in these comments?

Most likely not.

Be thankful for having thick-skin

When I switched school at the age of 13, there was a dip in my academic performance. Given the tiger parenting culture in Asia, the level of disapproval was sky-high.

It wasn’t easy for me to accept this, so I worked my ass off. My results improved and I was even given a Progress Award in front of the school.

When I walked up the stage for that Award, I wasn’t proud, I was embarrassed. This award felt like proof to my new school that I wasn’t stupid. But that was the time I appreciated and acquired the quality of being thick-skinned.

Being thick-skinned means being unfazed when facing criticisms and awkward situation. It also helps us to avoid taking things too personally. Yes, it might suck to be criticised, but it’s also alright, we just take the opinion on board and make sure we get things right.

Life is constant progress awards, let’s win them all.

So I thanked the school principal for the award, and for the rest of my academic life, I have continued to do well.

After the defeating call, I remembered why I was giving up securities for my so-called dreams.

This is because I believe I have the ability to make dreams a reality. I have the qualities of being thick-skinned, focused and humble. I can differentiate opinions from facts, and put my mind into getting better.

I am the visionary.

So I thank everyone along the way who gives me both encouragements and criticisms. They are essential for my success, but they don’t replace me in my own journey.

If you like more self-development articles that focus on pragmatism, follow me and check my other articles out!