Safe Sex is Hot Sex: Brad’s Act Up Groove

Portrait of a man, trying

Would I be layin here like this, rotting from the inside out if I hadn’t joined Act Up?

Does it matter?

I DID live in the Meatpacking District after my mom threw me out for bein gay. I DID hustle drinks at Uncle Charlie’s in lycra shorts.

I DID love my friends.

I DID watch em get sick and die one by one. Is that so hard to understand? I was supposed to what? Just … be cool with it? Wait for people to die then move on to people who hadn’t died yet?

I joined Act Up because I needed to help!

But also because I couldn’t stand that everybody was gonna die and I was gonna be all alone like in Castleton when my only friends were voices in my head.

And you know what? For a while, it worked.

“Strip!” I wagged my finger at Jim and went, “Get those clothes off, you look ridiculous.”

While Lenny supervised, I grabbed my bag, stripped off my jeans and tee shirt and rooted around for the tightest, shortest pair of shorts I owned. Which trust me … were SUPER short and tight. Then a mesh shirt that dint even cover my belly button.

Lenny whistled like a wolf in a cartoon. Jim unzipped and pulled his jeans down to his knees and was all, “You’re going out like that? Are you fucking kidding?”

I wagged my finger again. “So are you! This is a safe SEX zap. Safe sex is HOT sex. Got it?” Then I grabbed the outfit I’d found for him that looked just like mine.

I got to Jim and Lenny’s early that morning. Like 9, which was crazy for me. But …

Homemade bread in the morning!

Their apartment smelled like baking bread, fresh coffee and cinnamon. Lenny smelled like Old Spice aftershave as I cuddled up to him on the couch, me all sleepy from workin late but comfy cuz he had his arm around me and Jim was makin breakfast in the kitchen, singin.

Lotsa guys at Act Up thought Jim and me was boyfriends. We went to all the actions and zaps together all winter long, sat on the bus together if it was a long trip, went to Monday meetings together.

We even joined this safe sex workgroup. So we could DO something.

“Come get your plates!” Jim shouted. “I’m a cook not a waiter!”

Jim wasn’t my boyfriend, but he was my best friend. I never had one before. We talked on the phone all the time. We went everywhere together. Sure, we had sex sometimes, but that was … way less important.

“Oh, my God, what are we gonna do with your clothes?” I said as I grabbed my plate of scrambled eggs, hot bread and cinnamon roll.

He was all like, “What? You told me to get dressed for the thing, so I put on my Act Up clothes.”

Lenny laughed and sat down at the table with his food. “Eat, girls. We got plenty of time to figure out what to do with Jim.”

Swing your hips and shake your butt!” I nagged as we walked up the subway steps and headed into Washington Square Park.

Puttin Jim in clothes that made him look like a stripper was a lot easier than makin him not walk like he was still in the army. But I figured I could heat up a crowd all by myself even if Jim acted like a dead fish.

Not to boast, but I was a pro. Makin guys hot is how I paid the rent! That’s how come me and Jim volunteered.

We met a buncha other Act Up guys right under the big arch, pretty close to where Luke rescued me from them Hare Krisha’s all that time ago.

My eyes got watery thinkin about that.

Luke was in the hospital with PCP pneumonia. Really high fever, couldn’t fuckin breathe. I was so scared. David, who was pretty sick too, promised to page me if I needed to rush to the hospital to … you know, say goodbye.

Thinkin about Luke and David, I couldn’t fuckin believe we had to be out there in the park. Like honest to shit? People needed to be reminded to use condoms?

But they did!

I started to get in the mood when Herman, this big Cuban dude dressed in biker clothes and chains, handed us a bottle of baby oil. Jim’s eyes got huge. He was all, “What the fuck?” as I poured oil over his belly and thighs.

I laughed, startin to feel sexy.

“Now do me!” I went. I handed the bottle to him. “Squeeze it all over good so the glitter sticks.”

Herman laughed at Jim. “Stop lookin like a deer in the headlights, man.” He dumped glitter all over both of us and rubbed a bunch into our hair. “You both look hot as fuck … I mean, if you’re into twinks.”

Which Herman definitely was not, but that’s another story. I was glad him and his gay biker friends showed up, though. This was our first time, and I was scared things might get ugly.

Some other guys from the group got the table all set up. Loaded with boxes of condoms and lube. Postcards that explained safe sex in real simple words.

Then Herman pressed the button on the big sound system. Loud as fuck!

Bass really pumped into me, and I started to swing my hips to the beat.

We picked a sexy song to start, popular in the clubs. I danced up the table and grabbed a couple condoms to hold between my teeth.

Relax don’t do it When you want to go to it Relax don’t do it When you want come

Then I danced up to Jim and kind grabbed him by the butt, movin with him like we was at the Roxy or the Limelight or sumthin. Everybody says I’m shy. And they’re right. Except when I’m dancin.

Relax don’t do it When you want to suck it to it

I whispered into Jim’s ear. “Relax. Move with me.” I grabbed a handful of condoms and glitter and threw em all up in the air — toward the little crowd that was startin to show up.

Relax don’t do it When you want come When you want come ¹

The more people showed up, the more energy filled me up. I danced into the crowd, still holdin Jim tight to make sure he dint run away. I ran my hands over guys’ bodies as I danced, passin out condoms and postcards, throwing glitter in the air, shakin my ass.

Then Jim got this huge ass smile on this face and yelled in my ear. “I see why you like your job!” He got so into it! We danced together like fools for two hour. Longer! Hundreds of people gathered around.

Our DJ kept pumpin out hot tunes, and we kept throwin condoms around tellin guys hot sex was safe sex.

By the time we ran out of everything, I felt so good! I felt like we really did something. We dint just give people condoms, you know. We dint just give em information.

We talked hard about that in our workgroup meetings. About what we needed to really do. We gave people IDEAS. We gave guys the idea condoms were hot. Other Act Up guys in parks all over the City were doin the same thing.

People were dying EVERYWHERE, but damn it, we were gonna work our asses off, shake our asses off, dance our asses off to save people.

We HAD to!

Me and Jim and Herman met Lenny for dinner after. At the Waverly. I was tired as fuck, but I felt pretty good. You know that feeling you get when you worked really hard and don’t know exactly how you did, but you know you did your best?

That’s how I felt.

Jim couldn’t stop talkin. So excited! He’s like that, so I let him tell Lenny all about everything while I just kinda ate and felt happy. I dint have to work, so I was gonna spend the night at Jim and Lenny’s, which made me even happier.

We’d watch old movies, make popcorn, and stay up all night talkin, just kinda be all together where we belonged.

When my pager went off, I cursed. I wanted not to look just in case work needed me to come in.

It wasn’t work, though. It was David. I ran to find a payphone, feelin sick inside. Scared to death Luke was dead or dyin.

Turned out he wasn’t. Not quite yet. Luke just needed me to pick some stuff up at the pharmacy.

I had a super hard time gettin into the popcorn and movies later. I just couldn’t stop thinkin about all the horrible stuff happenin everywhere.

I couldn’t stop remembering that even Herman had the virus.

Everybody did! Everybody I loved!

What was I supposed to do?

What you just read really happened.

I’m moved to tell Brad’s heroic story because I am probably the only person left in the universe who knows it. So many stories of people who didn’t survive AIDS are gone forever. I don’t want Brad’s to disappear.

I am the “Jim” in this chapter, and Lenny was my partner before he died.

Next chapter →

← Click below to read earlier chapters about Luke, Brad, and how Brad got kicked out of the house when he was only 17.

James Finn is a long-time HIV/LGBTQ activist, an alumnus of Act Up NYC, an essayist occasionally published in queer news outlets, and an “agented” novelist. Send questions, comments, and story ideas to [email protected].

¹ Relax, Writer/s: Mark O’Toole, Peter Gill, Holly Johnson, Publisher: Universal Music Publishing Group