Brad, Mom, a Snake, and a Dead Movie Star

Portrait of a man, grieving

I dint tell nobody in Castleton I was comin back.

Just showed up at the door one night with a bag in my hand. “Hi, Mom. I’m home! Wanna get to know me a little before I choke to death from pneumonia?”

Only I dint really say that last part.

Gettin kicked outta the house for bein gay is … complicated. Ask Mom, she’ll probably say I RAN away and she was FRANTIC about it. Worried sick over her poor widdle boy.

Know what? She wouldn’t be lyin. It’s only a lie if you don’t believe what you’re sayin.

I lied to you.

About that day at the 7 Eleven. I knew damn well it was Keith who broke my tooth. And they dint slap me around like I said. They beat the fuck outta me. Ben grabbed me from behind and held my arms while Keith …

The details don’t matter.

I was bleedin and crying when I got home, and all Mom could do was scream at me for bein a faggot. Told me to take my faggot ass out from under her roof. That’s when I knew I dint have no home. Not if a home is where people take care of each other and love each other no matter what.

— Mom? It’s me. I’m OK. I wanted you to know.

— Brad? Oh, my God, I’ve been worried sick! Where are you? Can I come get you? You OK, baby?

— No! I mean … I’m fine. I got a place to live and all. I don’t need nuthin.

— A place to live? With what for money? Just tell me where you are and I’ll be right there.

— With this guy. My friend. Only kinda my boy… friend. He’s gettin me a job and everything. And guess what, Mom? You and me got the same job now.

— Boyfriend? Are you fuckin shitting me? Don’t you talk like that! Just tell me where you are. I’ll drive right over and bring you back safe.

— Bye, Mom. Gotta go. Love ya.

— Mom? Yeah. Just wanted to say hi. You OK and all?

— Broderick David Jones! You worthless …

— Mom!

— I’m teasing, baby. So glad you called. Happy birthday.

— Yeah, um… thanks. Look, Luke made me call you. So …

— He that man you living with? He treating you OK? You OK, baby?

— He’s 20, Mom. He’s really nice and I really like him. He told me if I dint call you on my birthday, he’d be pissed. So you better like him too.

— I can try. Tell him thank you. But … Look, it’s hard, OK? I’m glad you called and I’m still your mother, but I don’t get it. So don’t push it.

— Stop actin like you dint know I was gay since I was 13. I gotta go. We got a cake and everything, then we gotta get ready for work. But … you got this number on the caller ID?

— Yeah.

— That’s my number. Our number. You can call. If you ever want to.

— Mom? I can’t talk real loud. We’re at the hospital and Luke’s sleepin.

— Hospital! What the …

— I’m fine, Mom. But Luke … he… I don’t know how to tell ya except to just say it. He’s got it! I can’t … I don’t know … What am I supposed to …

— Brad! Baby, calm down. Try to take deep breaths and stop crying so I can hear you. Luke’s got what? What does he have, honey?

— Give me a fuckin break, Mom. What do you think he has? It’s AIDS! This is the second time he’s in the hospital, and I figured I better call you, because … I dunno, just … I can’t even be in here with him without wearin a mask, and I’m scared.

— Jesus, Brad! These fucking people! Honey, I gotta go to work, but get your ass on a train and I’ll pick you up or get somebody to. Get back here and away from all that shit!

— Mom, this is about Luke! My boyfriend … he’s gonna die. My boyfriend is 22 and I love him and he’s gonna die and I don’t know how…

— Please come home, baby. I’m so sorry, but please just get outta there.

— I gotta go. Bye.

Lenny watched me with those huge sad eyes as he he took the phone outta my hand. “Come on,” he went. “Luke’s OK for now. The nurse says he’s probably gonna sleep until tomorrow morning.”

I was like, no way. “I gotta stay!”

“No, you don’t. St. Vincent’s is less than 10 minutes from home by cab. Leave my number at the desk and they’ll call you if anything happens, which it ain’t going to.”

“I can’t believe my mom.”

“I heard most of it.”

He pulled me up outta the chair beside Luke’s bed. To tell the truth, I dint really fight him. I kissed Luke’s cheek and let Lenny push me out the door. We took our masks off and headed down to the street.

Lenny hailed a cab, which if you know him, you’d be like, are you shittin me?That cheap ass bastard paid for a taxi?

But he did.

I think he knew more about what I was feelin inside than Jim did. Later, when I told Jim what I did, he was so shocked. He pounded his fists on the ground and cried and yelled and tried to deny everything like I dint really do it.

But Lenny dint do any a that. He just looked at me. Like he knew all along what I was plannin.

But that came later.

That day, that Monday, me and Lenny sat in the living room and watched Claudette Colbert films on VHS till Jim got home from work, which he was late.

“Hurry up!” he yelled as he pushed the door open. “I got Chinese, but we gotta eat fast or we’re gonna be late for Act Up.

He was grabbin chopsticks and duck sauce outta bags, throwin napkins on the table and runnin to the kitchen for soda and glasses, but I was still layin back on the couch, leanin against Lenny, watchin a dead movie star pretendin to be a dead Greek woman pharaoh in Egypt.

Lenny told me about the Greek part, which I dint know.

“I can’t go tonight,” I went. “They put Luke in the hospital today, and I need to wait here in case they call.”

Jim was like, “Lenny can page us at Act Up if the hospital calls,” still all rushin around, but Lenny made him stop.

“Come here and sit down for a minute. Breathe. Luke’s in the hospital and Brad’s scared. It’s that pneumonia again, and he’s pretty sick.”

That stopped Jim like he was frozen.

He finally looked up and paid attention. Walked over to the couch and squeezed in between us. We ate General Tao's chicken and shrimp with lobster sauce right outta the cartons while Claudette messed with that damn snake.

I could feel Jim’s body go all hard and shivery when she said, “Now give me the basket. It holds victory.”

He jerked and squeezed my arm when it bit her. Sucked in his breath, goin, “Hate snakes! Can’t stand em!”

But I was thinkin it dint look like it hurt very much. And Claudette dint look scared.

By the time we got to the moo shoo pork, we knew we weren’t going to Act Up. One a the only nights we ever skipped. Before I went back to Castleton, I mean.

Lenny tried to talk Jim into callin his mom, but he got all stubborn and wouldn’t even talk about it. So, we talked about my mom, Castleton, and family.

I found out Lenny’s mom’s name was Rose only it wasn’t really cuz she was Polish and never learned much English and nobody could pronounce her real name but she could say Rose OK which is what her real name meant in Yiddish.

After Lenny went to bed, me and Jim made out some, then decided to sleep together in the murphy bed. You know them things that pull outta the wall? I laughed my ass off the first time I saw it.

Sex was fast and hard and crazy, me all tryin not to worry about Luke, Jim doin his best to help. But after …

As we fell asleep, all the faces of the guys we dint see that night at Act Up kind unrolled like a movie behind my eyelids. I dint try to, but I kept thinkin about which ones had HIV and which ones dint yet. Which ones had AIDS and might not be there next time.

The phone rang the next morning before anybody got up.

Jim reached over me, grabbed it, and listened for a few seconds. Then he handed it to me, voice all gravelly.

“It’s St. Vincent’s.”

What you just read really happened.

I’m moved to tell Brad’s story because I am probably the only person left in the universe who knows it. So many stories of people who didn’t survive AIDS are gone forever. I don’t want Brad’s to disappear.

I am the “Jim” in this chapter, and Lenny was my partner before he died.

Next chapter →

← Click below to read earlier chapters about Luke, Brad, and how Brad got kicked out of the house when he was only 17.

James Finn is a long-time HIV/LGBTQ activist, an alumnus of Act Up NYC, an essayist occasionally published in queer news outlets, and an “agented” novelist. Send questions, comments, and story ideas to [email protected].