7 Things I Let Go to Become a Better Writer

Two years later, I got a book deal, full-time writing dream life, and over 200 stories sold, and I haven’t looked back since.

Cruel to Be Kind

Not everything that we do in life is necessary or helpful to our end goals and passions. In fact, most of the things we do are just hindrances. We scroll on our phones endlessly. Stay up way too late for our bodies and minds to function properly. Eat foods that make us sick for years and complain about the damages while not doing anything about it.

If we want to make real progress, we have to examine what’s in our lives and what we give time to. Doing that yearly for my career and life has allowed me to leave behind what doesn’t benefit me.

A lot of times, what isn’t benefiting me is related to the people in my life. Who we choose to spend our time with and allow to influence how we see the world is powerful. It’s why I think so many successful people don’t really have a lot of friends—there’s their family and their mastermind group. It keeps the negativity and time-wasting to a minimum.

And like the good writer I am, I followed suit. Years back, when I made the conscious decision to be the writer of my dreams, I examined my life. What was holding me back? What was taking up so much of my time and energy that I couldn’t write? I reframed my life and habits to become the type of person I needed to be.

Bye, Vicki

I cut all of these things and more out of my life to make room for the work—the writing work. This is one of those practices that set me apart from the people trying to be writers and the people who are actually out there writing and selling and publishing. Some of the activities I got rid of I do miss. But I also see how much I’ve gained personally and professionally from getting rid of certain people and habits.

Friends who didn’t understand that writing was my career

I love my friends, past and present, but some of them I can’t be around if I want to do this writing thing for real. Because the types of friends who don’t see my writing as a career have always made fun of my efforts, treated my writing as a hobby, or encroached on boundaries I’ve set around my writing. I can’t do this whole writing thing if I’m constantly having to defend it. That’s wasted energy I could use for something else, like hanging with people who respect my craft and career.

Writers who don’t write

There is nothing wrong with hobby writers. There’s also nothing wrong with writers who don’t write but call themselves writers. Whatever you want to label yourself is your prerogative. For me to work efficiently and with little foolishness, though, I have to keep writers who don’t write at a distance. These types of writers are similar to my friends who don’t respect my writing career. They tend not to understand my process and don’t see the point in writing as a writer. This negativity is not welcome in my house.

White male authors who only see me as a Black woman unfit for the rigors of writing

I used to have a critique partner who would always put my stories down and then pat me on the shoulder for trying, but writing would never be for me because historically Black women can’t write. And this is only half of the awful things a majority of white male authors have said to me. I’ve heard some wild-ass racist statements come out of the mouths of fellow writers in critique groups. In fact, as soon as I encounter one of these types of authors, I instantly tune them out. Whatever their critiques or feedback is, I know isn’t rooted in the story but their own inner thoughts about me as a person.

The idea that no one can help me become a better writer

When I first started out writing over a decade ago, I refused to join writing groups or work with other writers. I believed that working with others would only help me write like them, and I’d lose the spark of writing by being around other writers. While very few writers know how to give proper critiques, the feedback received from writing groups is beneficial, the support is unmatched, and the connections can carry throughout your whole career. This is also one of those habits I see a lot of writers who are having trouble breaking into publishing—they don’t share their writing with a knowledgeable group of other writers, so never grow.

Spending countless hours in bars with friends

4 PM was our happy hour. The bar was just up the street from where a majority of us worked. So for a couple of years, we had a standing date, me, my friends, and I. There were even a few great restaurants right in the same shopping center—food wasn’t an issue, the company was great, and the beer never stopped flowing. Then we’d stumble home at the end of the night to repeat the same day again the next. It was great in many ways and it was awful in many ways, but ultimately, it took up too much of my time. Cutting that out, allowed me to devote hours instead of moments to my craft.

My preconceived notions of success

There was this beautiful image about writing I held dear most of my teens and early twenties. I imagined a great traditional publishing contract that would set me up in a house by a mountain with a little writing shack. My energy was so focused on this idea that eventually it overclouded my ideas about craft. Surely something like that was only unattainable by a small percentage. And that percentage wasn’t going to favor someone like me. But then, I realized that a lot of the writers who had the life above that I envisioned weren’t living the dream I had imagined. Reality caught up with my dreams and taught me if I want that house by the mountain with a writing shack, I don’t need to be on a bestseller list with a traditional contract. I can define my own path.

Partners who didn’t see my writing as a part of who I am

For most of my writing career, I’ve been with partners who saw what I was doing as a hobby. They made me feel bad about spending time on my writing, or worse, made fun of it, comparing it to their own failed attempts at writing. This meant I had to find nuggets of time in my relationships to write or become a part-time partner, devoting my waking and working hours to my craft while only spending the nights and evenings with partners. These relationships left me drained and jaded, creating strained emotions around my art and career. They like every other habit and person on this list had to go.

Let it All Go

What in your life has been feeling like a waste? Something that drains more than charges? When I ask writers who are struggling to get published these questions, they joke about kids and partners and friends who all make them feel like they can’t do what they’re passionate about.

But beneath their jokes, is a whole lot of pain.

I like to think that eventually these writers talk with the people in their life and work out an understanding where they can see how important writing is. Or they make the hard decisions to be happy, successful, and fulfilled. I know that if I never made the above sacrifices, I wouldn’t be where I am now with the connections, publications, and opportunities that many would kill for.

Further Reading

Aigner Loren Wilson is a queer Black SFWA, HWA, and Codex writer. Her work has appeared in or is forthcoming from WIRED, The Writer, Tordotcom, Fiyah, and she is a Hugo Award finalist for her editing. Along with her writing roles, she is also the guest editor for Fireside Fiction 2022 winter issues and Apparition Literary Contamination Issue. Subscribe for access to masterclass courses in writing, editing, and making a living as a creative.