SUCCESS/PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

A Common Mindset Will Bring You Common Success. Is That What You Really Want?

How to re-align your life priorities and begin walking a path to happiness.

It’s the common mindset of those who pursue traditional success . . .

First, identify what’s important and set new goals to reflect those priorities. Then make plans to accomplish those objectives.

For some it means a new job, buying a home, or acquiring the latest model car. Others will focus on pure financial goals, setting a desired net worth, or accumulating a specific amount of cash, hoping it will give them a sense of freedom.

A few non-financial goals may make the list. But they tend to be an afterthought — a token acknowledgment that there is more to life than just money and acquisition.

As a society, we’re obsessed with money and what it can buy.

New cars, bigger houses, and wearing designer jewelry are the media-endorsed, socially-sanctioned prescription to show others how prestigious, successful, and accomplished we’ve become. For many success seekers, owning more things is like a scorecard — an in-your-face verification of how well they’re doing financially.

So does that mean achieving success is more about feeding our ego than improving our lives?

Granted, ego plays a big part in generating the incentive to acquire new things. But there’s another part of our motivation that originates from a different need: The hope that buying things will fill an empty spot in our lives, distract us from general boredom, or mask that nagging voice constantly reminding us there has to be more to life than an endless work-sleep cycle.

So we buy more things, hoping to fill the void created from living without purpose.

No one is more aware of this unfulfilled need than product marketers. And there’s often the inference that the reason you’re living such a disappointing, unrewarding life is because you don’t own their product.

From new cars to watches, weighted blankets, and blue-blockers, manufacturers, dealers, and retailers promote the idea that their particular brand is not only better, but will also give you a greater sense of satisfaction and enjoyment that’s currently missing from your life.

This kind of FOMO logic sends a clear message: For those suffering from boredom, lack of accomplishment, or depression, the solution is simple . . . buy more stuff.

And that’s a problem. Because things can’t make us happy. At least not in the long-term.

Mark Manson, author of the bestseller, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counter-intuitive Approach to Living a Good Life makes a strong case against seeking happiness from the acquisition of material possessions:

“Whatever makes us happy today will no longer make us happy tomorrow, because our biology always needs something more. A fixation on happiness inevitably amounts to a never-ending pursuit of “something else” — a new house, a new relationship, another child, another pay raise. And despite all of our sweat and strain, we end up feeling eerily similar to how we started: inadequate.” — Mark Manson

Here are 5 reasons why things won’t make us happy

1. Things are not “Purpose”

Confusing our purpose, values, and beliefs with our possessions is common in a society dedicated to conspicuous consumption.

When our goals are reduced to keeping up with the neighbors, or receiving a twenty percent raise annually, or driving the latest model of automobile, our priorities are focused on the transitory rather than satisfying our core values and beliefs.

2. Things often come with a price not measured in dollars and sense

How happy can you be if the purchase requires you to take on more debt, including the financial stress and obligation that comes with it?

Things must be protected, used, and appreciated, which takes our attention away from other interests and pursuits. And the more a “thing” is coveted prior to obtaining it, the more we feel an obligation to recognize its importance — by admiring it, using it, or controlling it, which often results in a frustrating sense of duty rather than pleasure.

3. Most things disappoint us in the long-term

The initial rush of excitement we experience when buying or receiving something new quickly peaks and then begins to fade. It soon becomes a part of our everyday experience.

When we acquire our heart’s desire, we no longer wish for it, dream about it, or look forward to the day we own it — because the cycle of acquisition is complete. After we’ve driven the new sports car for a month or played with the new tennis racket for a couple of weeks, we’ve experienced all the ways we’d been anticipating it’s use — and the pleasure we were sure it would provide.

Our senses reach a level of saturated satisfaction. And because we need to fill the suddenly obvious void, we ask ourselves the question: NOW WHAT? And then we begin the cycle all over again, searching for the next new thing — anticipating how it will make our lives better, or bring us a sense of fulfillment.

4. We often pay an unreasonable opportunity cost

There are plenty of successful executives who fought their way to the top, then realized the cost of living an unbalanced life far exceeded the payoff.

Driven by the trapping of a large income — an estate home, a car for each child, annual vacations to exotic destinations, and diamond earrings for an otherwise neglected wife — they relegated the priorities of family, friends, personal health, and hobbies to the demands of their career — unfortunately, to their ultimate regret.

5. Things can never take the place of true self-worth

Displayed like trophies, expensive possessions are often presented as proof — verification of having lived a worthwhile and meaningful life.

Unfortunately, a constant pursuit of material possessions can prevent us from exploring the more rewarding aspects of using our minds for creative pursuits, thoughtful awareness, and developing a realistic mindset and perspective about the world and our place within it.

Ready to untangle yourself from the lure of “acquisition” happiness?

Here are a few helpful strategies to incorporate into the process:

• When motivated by the idea of owning something, ask yourself if you really want the actual, physical thing because it will make your life easier, more comfortable, save time, or allow you to become more effective at what you do — or are you anticipating some sense of emotional satisfaction or relief? Our rationale to acquire something new is often based not on what the item will actually do for us, but what we hope it will do.
• If the object represents prestige, accomplishment, or fulfillment, it’s a red flag. No matter what the “thing” is, it’s still just a physical object. It has no power to instill any of those qualities or characteristics. It’s simply a tangible item, and the reason for its ownership should be — at least for the most part — to fulfill some practical need. If you’re buying to satisfy an emotional expectation, you’re most likely wasting your financial resources.
• Do the math. Determine the practical value of your next anticipated purchase by measuring its usefulness in comparison to its acquisition expense, opportunity cost, and the time required for maintenance, preservation, and eventual disposal. How do you feel about it now? Will it provide you with a reasonable rate of return, based on what you must invest — what it will demand from you — to make it your own?

Bottom line, there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to a few luxuries.

For example, people seldom regret the money spent on travel, education, or charitable giving. These are investments in yourself, and often provide opportunities to change the direction of your life, as well as impact the lives of others. But the acquisition of material things to satisfy an emotional need only feeds a repeating cycle of expectation — followed by disappointment.

So the next time you ask yourself the question, “What’s missing from my life?” try eliminating the options having to do with physical possessions — and you’ll improve your chances of ultimately finding the satisfaction and fulfillment you’re looking for.

“Better to own a few treasures than a house full of junk.” — Jim Rohn

© 2021 Roger A. Reid. All Rights Reserved.

Roger A. Reid is the author of Better Mondays: The New Rules for Creating Financial Success and Personal Freedom (While Working for the Man)

Roger A. Reid, Ph.D. is the host of Success Point 360 Podcast and author of Better Mondays and Speak Up. A certified NLP trainer with degrees in engineering and business, Roger offers tips and strategies for achieving higher levels of career success and personal fulfillment in the real world.