Ripples of Feeling
Heavy Emotions lead me to a dark place, but I’m fighting through it
Let me start by wishing you all well mentally, physically, and emotionally. Mentally and emotionally, I’m trying to improve, and I’ve been working hard to improve by going to therapy sessions and being consistent. The process has been challenging, but I need to persevere. Within the last couple of months, I’ve experienced so many different emotions.
The process of breaking down these emotions with my dad was something I would do with him, but not having him here is an entirely different experience. At 31 I feel different, I don’t know whether it’s a good or a bad difference, I just know I feel DIFFERENT. I tell my mom how I feel and she understands since she lost her mother some time ago. The experience feels like you’ve had your life restarted and are learning how to walk again.
Also, my relationship with whom I thought I was building a future with ended a few months ago and that has been hurtful and painful to work through. You start to make room for somebody in your life and your decision-making changes because you want them included in your life and then somewhere things just change.
You start to see that the other person doesn’t feel the same anymore and it hurts even more when the other person just flat out says it. It’s crushing because she always talked about kids and even started planning out how she wanted our wedding to look. I finally thought I was working towards building a family but I guess not.
These heavy emotions led me to a dark place and I just wanted to hide. I felt like everything was falling apart during these last couple of months. I continue to lean on my mom and my older brothers, and great friends to get me through this dark period. I am getting better mentally and emotionally, and like I said I have credit therapy as well for being a way for me to sort out these emotions I have been dealing with.
I am grateful for the support I have received and I’m feeling more optimistic and better equipped to handle this difficult time. I’m slowly finding my way back to a more stable mindset and I’m grateful for the journey.
As the holidays are approaching, it’s going to be great being around family, and that’s always been the cure to any hardships I have gone through.
Some stories I recommend:
The Therapeutic Benefits of Writing: My Story of Healing | by Sahil Patel | Reciprocal | Medium