Respect must be Earned not Demanded
A person cannot simply be good at something to gain respect, they need to exhibit certain traits too.
Recently, I read:
fear may be coerced, obedience enforced, but respect has to flow freely from a heart full of appreciation for another person’s admirable qualities OR behaviour.
Meaning, a talented or admirably behaved person is likely to earn the respect of others.
My Perception of Respect
We often respect someone who portrays skills we ourselves don’t possess. I get that. I’ve a huge respect for my partner’s cooking and his outrageous talent for many things creative. I can cook, but not as well as him. And I’m creative with my writing — particularly fiction — but don’t possess his prowess with words. But being a couple means I admire many relatively ordinary things about him too. For example, he is often very patient with me when I’m behaving irrationally.
It is easy to feel respect for your nearest and dearest’s abilities, but what if you don’t know a person very well? Can you still respect them?
I believe if you hold somebody’s talent in high regard, then it is possible to respect them — even if you’re not familiar with who they really are — simply by admiring their work. But, if you don’t know or feel an affinity towards the person, they would also need to be displaying certain traits to elicit a respectful response.
What I am saying is, respect has to be earned. A person cannot simply be good at something to gain respect, they need to exhibit certain traits too. Which means…
respect has to flow freely from a heart full of appreciation for another person’s admirable qualities AND behaviour.
I have certainly found this to be true in my life. I’ve often noticed how eager some are to accuse others of not respecting them or their views. And all the while they, themselves, are acting in a very unpleasant or forceful manner. Insisting they’re right, and your opinions are wrong. Attempting to win the battle by shouting the loudest.
That kind of behaviour does not help a cause or gain respect, no matter how special or different the person is. I’ve witnessed this mindset on social media.
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.
Here are some personal qualities that may help a person to earn respect and friendship.
Humility — being down to earth.
Those who show disdain towards the opinions of others and/or their lives, while insisting their way is the only true way, are not awash with humility. In fact, arrogant people rarely gain respect.
Being humble isn’t about looking down on yourself. It’s about understanding that you don’t know all the answers and won’t get everything right.
Because you are human.
Indeed, human and humility come from the same Latin word — humilitas, one who is grounded or near to the earth.
True empathy is rooted in humility and the understanding that there are many people with as much to contribute in life as you.
Equality & Empathy
While recognising we are all individuals, it is important to remember that just because one person has for example a higher IQ and another can run faster, neither is better than the other.
To gain respect, don’t be quick to preach about your own talents or imply some people or groups are better than others. Showing you understand and are willing to lend a helping hand or a listening ear, will help you gain respect. Stand in the other person shoes. It is often by taking a back seat, listening rather than preaching, that you become heard and respected.
Boundaries — that’s close enough.
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that we create to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards us. Remember, never set a boundary if you can’t enforce it.
Yes, it is difficult to have respect for someone if they do not adhere to your boundaries, but this obviously applies equally in reverse. Paying attention to the way someone behaves means you will learn what their boundaries entail and can build a friendship based on mutual respect by paying attention to them. As time goes by the boundaries may alter, so be open to such changes. Listen to what people are saying — be it their words or actions.
Self Esteem
Confidence is a valuable asset when worn alongside others. Learning to love and respect yourself helps you to be strong and self-reliant. This is an important area to focus on when thinking about respect.
Also, reflection: It is never too late to think about how others may see you.
Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.
Positivity
It’s very difficult to respect those that are continually negative. It is true, in some situations it is hard to see the positive, but look harder, search a little longer or try to delve deeper.
Positivity is contagious and deserves respect.
This article explores my own perceptions of respect and respectful behaviour. We all see things differently. Personal experience taints attitudes and beliefs. This is one of the things that make us unique…
This is an interesting story about respect and bias by Megan Saxelby
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