Removal Before Addition — A Guide for Finding What You Want In Life

Using “not-to-do” lists

LinkedIn leaves me with more questions than answers.

I love cheering the success of others, and I get why people share things. The views, the likes — all that stuff. However, scrolling on the platform always makes me wonder.

Am I missing something?

Many people work for companies they don’t care about, climbing corporate ladders to nowhere, and for what? A fancy title? Their boss’s approval? To make more money?

“Do you know one sign that you’ve woken up? It’s when you are asking yourself, ‘Am I crazy, or are all of them crazy?’

“We’re living on crazy ideas about love, about relationships, about happiness, about joy, about everything…

— Anthony De Mello

I wouldn’t go as far as De Mello who claims the world is full of “lunatics”. People do things for a reason, even when they’re not aware. I think that reason is fear.

We climb ladders to ignore futility. We want to forget we’re pieces of meat hurtling through space.

But what if we can give our lives purpose?

We don’t know where to look

Good health and security.

These are things we want.

We can probably agree on Maslow’s psychological needs too, like friendships and belonging. What’s a little trickier is the tip of the pyramid. The purpose bit.

It’s the reason self-help books sell so well. We lean on others in our quest for answers. The problem is the answers are inside us. We just don’t know where to look.

Why should we? Our heads were filled with so much Pythagoras that school neglected to teach us the most important theorem of all.

How to feel fulfilled.

After years of testing, I realise I’m most content when I’m close to my “ideal ordinary week”. It’s ideal because it’s my choice. It’s ordinary because it’s boring.

I’m as close to this ideal as I’ve ever been. If I can make it work financially, I’ll stop swinging from one existential crisis to the next.

I’m able to support myself through the money I make online. The next step is to thrive, not merely survive.

To get close to this ideal, I subtracted.

Look for removal before adding

How do I make people unsubscribe from my email list?

If I wanted this to happen, I could do a bunch of things. Send poor-quality emails, ram products down their throats, etc.

It stands to reason if I don’t do these things, people are more likely to stay.

This is the premise of a “not-to-do” list. Once you know what to avoid, it’s easier to find what you want. More often than not, they’re the opposite of the things you don’t want.

In my work life, for example, here are three things I know I don’t want:

• Pointless meetings — Meetings for the sake of meetings make me want to blow my brains out.
• To work for shareholders whose only interest is money — In my experience, they suck out fulfillment.
• Micro-managing — “These three things — autonomy, complexity, and a connection between effort and reward — are, most people agree, the three qualities that work has to have if it is to be satisfying.” — Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers

I quit working for a company last September when it went public. Pointless meetings are in the bin too. Working for myself, by myself, has solved 90% of my problems.

An important thing to note is I’m not advocating you quit your job too. Life is a game of awareness. What works for me might not work for you.

I also didn’t quit on a whim. I’ve spent the last two years working towards the goal of making money £1,000 a month online (to cover my bills). One of my goals for the next 6–12 months is making £5,000 a month through writing and online courses.

My guide for finding what you want from life

Step #1 — List

Create “not-to-do” lists for these five areas of your life: Work, Relationships, Location, House, and Hobbies.

Take location. Do you hate hot temperatures? Does living in the middle of nowhere make you want to scream?

This will help you create a picture of where you want to live.

Step #2 — Subtract

Sling these items from your life.

You may be able to remove some today. For others, you may have to phase them out. This is the case for bigger items, like changing work.

Start setting deadlines and make a six-month plan.

Step #3 — Save

Stash away a year of savings. You can do this whilst you’re subtracting and making plans.

To calculate these savings, use an app like iSaveMoneyGo. This will help you keep track of your expenses. At the end of the month, you’ll see how much you’ve spent.

Do this for three months and work out your average monthly spend. Multiply this by twelve (months) and add 10% for unexpected items.

Having these savings behind you will make you less needy. Make no mistake — quitting your 9–5 will be sh*t scary. I held off for as long as I could until my soul couldn’t take it anymore.

I’m pretty risk-averse which is why I chose 12 months. You might feel comfortable with six.

Step #4 — Step

Accept you may have to step back to step forward.

My first job out of university was working as a prison officer. I hated every second. I quit without a plan and bumbled through jobs, including cleaning toilets.

Stepping back isn’t a failure. It’s a sign of strength. Besides, no one cares what you do. Not really.

Sure, your family might kick up a fuss, but it’s because they want you to be happy. If you can show them you’ll be fine, so will they.

If you want to ease these concerns, do what my friend Amar did. He made slides about leaving his high-paid consulting job and presented them to his family.

This gave them the opportunity to voice their concerns and make suggestions.

Step #5 — Rule

Make your own rules.

I was dancing in a club last night with some of my friends. It was my flatmate’s birthday. We rolled in at 4 am.

Today’s a Friday. I was going to work in the local library — my new favourite office. I like to work there from 10:30am — 5pm, with the option of leaving early if I’m “not feeling it”.

This didn’t happen. I rolled out of bed at 12 pm, made my flatmate breakfast, and gave him his birthday present. (He’s got the week off work.) I then had a bite to eat and started writing this article.

I haven’t had a shower yet.

In many ways, it’s ridiculous that I’ve written this guide. I’m 26 years old. What the f*ck do I know?

I don't have dependents. I haven’t experienced war. I haven’t lived through hard times. I haven’t lost close ones. I haven’t been punched in the face.

I haven’t experienced fear (not the real kind).

However, I’m getting closer to the life I want by:

• Listing what I don’t want
• Subtracting these items from my life
• Having a year of savings behind me
• Not being afraid to take steps back
• Making my own rules

It seems to be working for me. I feel a sense of purpose and I don’t feel the need to climb a ladder to nowhere.

Maybe this guide can work for you too.

“For solutions, look for removal before adding.” — Tim Ferriss

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