Remembering Life After Death

A poem about renewal

I breathe in the new leaf smell, warmed by the singing sun. My feet are burning, light and heat-concentrated through the filter of black sneakers, butt parked on the front steps of the empty porch, facing the street’s flashing-by cars — a suburban afternoon nearly touching April.

Three years ago, the air was burning in my shriveled lungs, corroded by a newfound viral child, an unwanted pregnancy that was killing me, killing millions — an enemy so small it became too large to fight.

Sweat-soaked and chilled I closed my eyes, breathed through the fear of my daughters, orphaned by the end of my struggle. Behind my lashes the future showed teenage first-kiss agony, tasseled caps tossed into the mother-lacking air, unhugged grandchildren — thousands of hours, untouched by my closed eyes.

The pause went on too long — I had to remind myself when to breathe again. I smelled the burden of patience, the acrid tang of perseverance carried into the afternoon and night and day again.

My daughters asked questions and I answered, coughing words of love, telling them the lies they needed — that I was fine that I would get better that I would not die, bitterness smothered under stories I didn’t believe as I reminded myself to breathe.

I am still breathing but it catches in my heart sometimes, the better words I knew before lost behind yesterday’s fog. The sunshine feels good, though. It is Sunday and my daughters are laughing instead of crying.

The surprise of the season is that clichés about spring died this cloudless afternoon and my sarcasm doesn’t mourn them. I am new with the greening daffodils, the catcalling of birds, relentlessly twerking bees. Labor pains are put aside with the abundance of birth.

I can park my butt on the porch, sit in the momentary sun and just breathe.

If you enjoyed this poem, you’ll definitely enjoy these fabulous poets too:

Garima Sharma’s poem “Unseen Triumph — A Poem,” takes the reader on a journey through hard experiences that shape us into becoming stronger.

Enes Cevik’s poem “Fly. Your life awaits.” It explores the idea that not everything is explainable, and there’s more to the universe — and us — than we might have thought.

Raechel “Rael Thymes”’s poem “My Vow to Self-Love” embraces the differences of an individual on a very heartfelt and inspiring level.