Releasing What Angers You Can Bring Profound Peace

Letting go can free you up for whatever is meant to be

In mid-December, I wrote an article detailing the pain and frustration infertility can bring. It was something that had been weighing on me for a while. I had written that piece a month prior but waited to publish it.

Why did I wait? I didn’t feel ready. I was afraid. I didn’t want to come across as a jerk because of my frustration of not getting pregnant and the envy I had for those who had no troubles. Although, it was my truth.

I finally got the courage to hit publish because I had finally hit the point where I felt full of anger and hurt, and I needed to release that. I don’t enjoy holding onto those emotions.

That’s the beauty of being a writer. It’s excellent therapy. We can flush out our experiences and emotions through our words.

While I was worried about how the story would be received, I was pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of support I got. I received many messages of, “I feel the same way! Thank you!”

Anytime I can write something that speaks to someone and gives them an ounce of relief, knowing someone out there has the same feelings is the greatest inspiration. That’s why I write and why I share personal stories.

When I hit publish, I felt a release. I felt every ounce of pain, and the tears were worth it if it helped someone. I felt the weight lift off of my shoulders from the hurt I was carrying deep inside of me. I felt free. I had finally attained peace.

And then something even more serendipitous happened.

A few days later, I sat down at the kitchen table with my three-year-old daughter eating lunch. A year ago, I had asked her if she wanted a sibling and her response then was, “No!” Other than that conversation, I haven’t brought up anything “baby” to her since.

As we were eating, she said to me, “Mama, the baby is here.”

“Excuse me,” I asked?

Pointing to my stomach, “The baby is here. In your tummy.”

She was very confident in her assertion. Very to the point, which creeped me out. So I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. I couldn’t believe it. So I took six more tests — all positive.

I know they say children are intuitive, but this blew my mind away! I was so excited, and it ended up being a lovely Christmas present to my husband and daughter. Naturally, I thought, “Of course, right after I bare my soul on the hurt of infertility, I finally find out I’m pregnant.”

But that’s the beautiful part. By shedding my hurt and anger, I feel I could be open to whatever was supposed to happen in my life. Whether that was to be a parent to just one child or welcome another to our family, I had put out my feelings to the universe and could move on.

Isn’t that how it works in life sometimes? The moment you stop looking for something, it comes to you.

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