Releasing

CORE Psychology

Mental hygiene (see my centering articles linked below) doesn’t prevent negative thinking but it changes our relationship to negative thoughts such that we can release and refocus on more effective understandings and actions in life. Anthony De Mello, a psychologist, and Jesuit monk, expressed this well in one of his lectures. He noted that before he became awake and aware to his life, he was depressed. He then remarked that after he woke up he was still depressed but it didn’t bother him anymore. He had cultivated a different relationship to his thoughts and moods such that he could notice them without being attached to them. In this way, the thoughts and moods did not get stuck.

I want you to understand that this shift does not involve suppressing negative thoughts and feelings. Suppressing thoughts and feelings doesn’t work (e.g., try not to think about pink elephants). There is an adage that says what we resist will persist. Some people suggest that this explains why dieting does not work. When you diet, you are trying to suppress desires for some foods which then activates a focus on that which you are trying to suppress.

Rather than trying to suppress these thoughts, it is much more effective to accept the thoughts without trying to push them away or indulge in them. To make peace with negative thoughts simply accept that it’s the nature of the mind to experience the gamut of possible thinking so you give yourself permission to think and feel whatever occurs without having to believe that what arises must be true or needs to be followed. Indeed, research by neuroscientist Phillip Goldin reveals that when people accept rather than suppress negative thoughts and feelings, the stress response decreases rather than increases in these individuals.

Mindfulness helps accomplish this however there are other practices that may be helpful. For example, we can also practice releasing negative thoughts and beliefs through cognitive restructuring exercises. There are many ways to do this and psychologists skilled in Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy can help you. Socratic questions are one way to use cognitive restructuring to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs. Socrates was an early proponent of using beautiful questions to open minds and create positive change.

The purpose of Socratic questions is to bring attention to relevant information that may be outside your focus and to use that information to re-evaluate your belief about that issue. When working with cognitive restructuring it is important to slow down the process of your thinking and to make it conscious. It helps to do this as a written exercise in the beginning so that you break out of automatic thinking patterns.

Complementary practices include exercises in self-compassion. Numerous ideas for these types of practices can be found on Kristin Neff’s website www.self-compassion.org. Forgiveness practices are also useful here. Forgiveness for self and others can be powerful in releasing trapped energy. Remember that forgiveness is not about letting yourself or others off the hook from an accountability perspective. Forgiveness involves releasing resentment that bleeds energy without adding any value.

Finally, the simplest way to release involves relaxing your body. Remember that in neuromuscular lock your body is experiencing constriction which supports and reinforces the constriction in your mind and beliefs. In addition to the basic relaxation and centering exercises discussed in earlier articles, creating a psychological sense of safety can be very powerful. Russell Kolts suggests a simple exercise to help you identify and sense your own experience of safety so that you can activate it whenever you need to release from a state of neuromuscular lock.

A thorough examination of the concept and practices of releasing can be found in my book CORE Living.

TRY THIS: Socratic Inquiry Questions

Is this thought always true? What is hidden?

Does this thought help me move forward or make me feel stuck?

What would be different I did not hold on to this thought?

What new information or ideas are available when I do not hold on to this thought?

How would I behave differently without this thought or belief?

What would the impact of this different behaviour be on my

TRY THIS: Hawaiian Forgiveness Exercise

For when you are asking for forgiveness. This can be done as a meditation rather than as a live practice with a person. Focusing on the person Say:

· I’m Sorry · Please forgive me · Thank you · I love you

Allow emotions to arise without judgment and repeat process until you experience a shift.

When focusing on forgiving you can use different language. Depending on the person you are focusing on you may want to try:

· We are all human · I forgive you · I wish you peace · I wish myself peace

TRY THIS: Examining the Safeness Response

Remember a time when you felt safe and completely comfortable. Or imagine what it would feel like to feel completely at ease, content and safe.

What emotions do you experience? What are your physical sensations?

Consider your attention. What do you focus on? Was your focus broad or narrow?

What were you thinking about? How did your thoughts relate to your emotional experience?

What did you want to do? What behaviour did you engage in?

Earlier relevant articles: