Reentering The Workforce After 10 Years Destroyed My Mental Health.

My journey to salvage it back.

I was a stay-at-home mom for wait for it….10 years. Like many women, I put my career on the back burner when my 3 kids were little. It was my decision to trade in office meetings for toddler tantrums.

Looking back in the rearview mirror, I have no regrets about it now. But at the time I felt unfulfilled and unaccomplished.

Raising kids was important, but I wondered if that was the only purpose of my life? I’m sure many moms go to bed with this existential question weighing heavily on their minds and wake up the next day to repeat it all.

Stay at home moms are underappreciated and get little respect if any. If you don’t have a job you’re considered not good enough. What’s up with that?

Yes, we women must bring home the bacon and make an award-winning casserole with it as well.

I would often get asked — “So, do you work? ” My response was always- “Yes, I do work, full time at home.”

But, I could sense the unsaid words in their tone, “Didn’t she get the memo about the Feminist movement? What example is she setting for her children?”

Even my own mother said to me- “Look at everyone. They have all reached so high. What are you doing with your life?” Gee, thanks, mom for making me feel better!

I felt insecure to be in the presence of other working mothers as they traded stories about their hectic schedules, work projects and 401 K plans. Here all I had to share were stories of the stubborn soap scum on my shower walls. You get the pathetic picture.

When my youngest turned 4, I decided it was finally time to reenter the workforce.

My last job was a decade ago in customer service. So my resume looked like a farm after it was harvested, pretty barren. It baffled me as to what I would list on it to fill in the blaring 10-year gap.

Executive potty training skills? Proficiency in Thomas Train and all his friends?

I decide to take small online courses on Coursera and Udemy relating to management to dress up my skeletal resume. I started researching the next steps I had to take on Google. At once LinkedIn popped up.

LinkedIn uploads contacts from your email so that you can build your network. So it pulled up my old contacts like school and college friends, many of whom I hadn’t been in touch with in years.

It wasn’t their pictures that I was taken aback by. It was their titles. Director of ____, President of ___, Senior VP of ____, CEO of ____, Senior Manager of _____.

And here I was CEO of ‘ House Keeping Operations’. My already low self-esteem took a severe beating. I created my profile and logged out of LinkedIn page.

It took me 3 months of serious preparation to land an entry-level temporary job. It ticked some of my boxes. It was a 5-minute walk from my home and I could order 1 Redbox movie with the change left after paying for daycare. Score!

You would think all my worries were over, right? Well, they were just beginning. Getting back into the workforce after such a long gap was disorienting. It was like attempting to fly a Jumbo jet after riding a tricycle.

I am not talking about the invisible labor, the juggling act, or the burnout that plagues every parent when they go back to work. That’s inevitable and a book in itself. I am speaking about the struggles that come with readjusting to the workplace and culture.

On my first day, I was asked to introduce myself to the team. I went into full mom mode. “Hi, I have 3 kids. They are 10, 6, 4 . They are quite a handful……”

My manager delicately intercepted me at this point. “ That’s great Tina. Could you tell us something about your previous work experience?” I was jolted back into office mode and tried to hide my embarrassment with a jittery “Sure!”

I was a deer in headlights for the first few weeks. I missed my first meeting because I didn’t know how Microsoft Outlook worked. I was once again at the starting point, the beginning of the steep learning curve. My stress level was through the roof.

Being an introvert didn’t help my case either. I didn’t hang out at the water cooler or chat up a storm with my colleagues. I kept to my cubicle most of the time like a scared mouse. So it was not surprising when I was soon labeled unsocial.

I always had anxiety over authority figures whether it was a teacher in school, an elder in my family, or a manager in the workplace. The fear meant I avoided any interactions with them, as best I could.

Instead of asking questions and clearing my doubts, I made assumptions, apparently the wrong assumptions. The result — major errors in my work.

One of my mistakes was highlighted in a meeting and discussed in front of everyone. My name was withheld but it was quite evident. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

Needless to say, I learned my lesson fast. Ask questions or risk making big blunders.

It was also quite a toxic work situation with some coworkers whom I had to work with in very close contact. They most likely sniffed the scent of low confidence wafting from me and pounced on their sitting prey.

I felt like I was in High school all over again. One day I overheard them gossiping about me in the next cubicle. I waited 3 hours for my shift to be done, reached home, and broke down in tears. I lost my sleep and even some pounds stressing about the whole situation.

They successfully infused self-doubt in me. I believed I was truly deficient in some way. Anxiety and dread filled me each day as I went to work. So what if I had a paycheck? I had no peace of mind. My self-worth was in the toilet.

Just 3 months into the job, I was ready to hand in my resignation. I didn’t care if the world would call me a quitter or a loser. I just wanted to be as far as possible from that building.

My saving grace was my manager. She listened, reassured me that I was doing a good job, and stood up for me. She even faced backlash for doing so. I will always be indebted to her for her kindness.

After talking to her, I felt I needed a complete mental makeover if I was to move forward. Here were some steps I decided to take.

Put my blinders on.

I made a conscious decision to stop wasting my time worrying about those coworkers whom I couldn’t control and instead focus on my work which I could control.

While my co-workers gossiped in the next cubicle about me, I began work. I put on my headphones, turned on the radio, and drowned out their chatter. I spent 10 minutes of every working hour studying the content of what my coworkers in the advanced positions were doing.

Take on challenges.

I knew that I would have a shot at a better position if I studied further. But this would not be an easy process. I had to again enroll in college and the whole program would take more than 2 years. After that, I had to pass the very difficult certification exam.

Stop overthinking it.

I was unsure if going back to college was the right decision. I would be changing my career field 180 degrees from Management to Oncology. Would I just be wasting time and money? Was I too old to study?

Instead of pondering on all the endless what if’s, I decided to just take the plunge. Time after all waits for no one.

I dived headfirst into ‘Anatomy & Physiology’ and breathed in the perfection and hidden intricacies of the human body. I was hooked. I had to see it through.

Do the things that scared me.

Fears can be paralyzing and stop us from reaching our potential. I knew I had to face my fears head-on if I was to ever move forward. If asking questions was uncomfortable for me, I had to open my mouth and vibrate those vocal cords. There were no 2 ways about it.

Be my biggest cheerleader.

It didn’t matter what the world thought of me, I had to be my biggest cheerleader. The words we tell ourselves are the words we end up believing. So I reframed my inner dialogue. Tina, you are not less than anyone. Hold your head up high. You can do this.

I stuck my favorite quote on the wall.

There will always be someone who cannot see your worth. Don’t let it be you.

— Mel Robbins

Slowly I broke out of my introvert shell, well just a little. I made it a point to cook for the potlucks and take part in the holiday events. I made a few good work friends which eased my anxiety.

Even the mean coworkers warmed up to me. We didn’t become best of friends but we were able to have respectable communication and this was such a big relief.

Look at problems as challenges.

Towards the end of my college program, crazy 2020 rolled in. Everything that could go wrong did. My scheduled internship got canceled thanks to Covid-19. My job contract ended. The shaky economy meant future job prospects were also in limbo.

Worse than all that, my brother suddenly died and grief induced a heavy mental fog under which I couldn’t focus. My personal relationships were all in a tangle. Every day just looked dark and depressing.

Many months rolled by and slowly the dust settled. I was able to get a remote internship, complete it and finally graduate. The last step was the CTR (Cancer Tumor Registrar) certification exam which was a huge task in itself.

I set a date for it and began preparations. There was a behemoth of material to be ingested and retained for the exam. I spent 5–6 hours every day studying for the final 2 months. The exam had given me purpose during a dark time in my life without me even realizing it.

I passed the exam and was thankful that I didn’t need to retake it. With the exam out of the way, it was once again time to begin my job search. I still had zero connections on LinkedIn, but now I had some credible work experience and a certification in hand.

Who said you need connections on LinkedIn to make it? You need perseverance and grit.

I updated my profile and waited. Within a few months, I was rehired at my old company in a better position. I still consider myself a freshman in my career. I have a long ways to go and look forward to the bumpy ride.

My transition from a stay-at-home mom to a working mom was a rocky one. But it taught me invaluable lessons.

Change is never easy. It is nerve-racking and disconcerting. It can break us with all that it throws our way. We’d rather resist it than face it. But change is an essential part of growth. For growth only begins at the end of our comfort zone.

In the end, the only limits are the ones we create in our own minds.