Recurrent BV Killed My Sex Drive

When reproductive health is a taboo subject, shame and ignorance follows

BV, or Bacterial Vaginosis, is the most common vaginal condition in women and girls aged 15–44. About 1 in 3 women will experience BV at some point in their lifetimes.

BV is not an STI, although the chance of having BV goes up with increased partners. It is simply an infection that affects your normal levels of good bacteria in the vagina. A lot of women experience no symptoms but symptoms can include abnormal vaginal discharge, vaginal itching, and unusual vaginal odor.

It is similar to yeast infections but requires different treatment, either a prescription gel/cream or oral antibiotics. Reoccurrence is very common, about 50% of women will have another episode within 12 months. In some instances, women will have several episodes close to each other and it is characterized as recurrent BV.

I have had BV 5 times in the past 2 years and it f*cking sucked. Not only is it expensive and annoying to go to the gyno every time I think I may have an infection but it completely warped my relationship with my body and sex.

I felt ashamed, gross, and unattractive.

Despite BV being so common, I never heard any woman talk about BV before I got it myself, and then continued to have it for almost a year. I had no information or frame of reference to explain what was happening to my body.

I would go to the drug store, pick up over-the-counter yeast infection medicine and be frustrated when my symptoms didn’t clear up. In fact, the yeast infection medicine would only inflame my symptoms more.

I spent hours looking up various possibilities. I got tested for STIs several times despite knowing I’d only slept with one person since my symptoms arose. I researched and researched and finally came across the term BV. But even then, the information was muddled and largely unhelpful.

Without a proper diagnosis, the first time I had BV I was untreated for months. My symptoms slowly got worse and sex became unbearable. I felt so self-conscious because of odor or discharge. My partner was visibly and verbally uncomfortable too, which just made me more self-conscious.

Even after treatment, I was constantly worried. When I had a natural odor, I was paranoid it was BV. I was hesitant to have sex, I didn’t want to feel that shame. I stopped enjoying oral sex altogether, even to this day I don’t ask my partner to go down on me.

Then my BV kept coming back and my frustration increased tenfold. Sex became unbearable and my self-esteem plummeted. I normally have a very high sex drive but with (what seemed like) constant infections, I was miserable. No part of me felt comfortable enough to enjoy sex. It felt like the only time I could experience sex without anxiety was with alcohol or weed.

I felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt very alone, no one had ever talked about vaginal infections with me. Even writing this right now, those feelings of embarrassment and shame are still so strong.

Society teaches women that their bodies need to be perfect in order to be deemed acceptable. I constantly felt like my body was malfunctioning. I felt like I was less of a woman or at the very least, my inability to perform sexually minimized my worth.

These months of shame have dramatically impacted my relationship with sex and my body. Even a year after I got everything (mostly) under control, I still feel very self-conscious while having sex. I’m constantly worried about abnormal odor or discharge.

I cannot comfortably receive oral sex and cannot truly enjoy the activity. Most of the time my partner is interested, I am reluctant and sometimes I tell him no outright. I objectively do like oral but months of discomfort and humiliation make the act less enjoyable.

The defeat I feel each time I get BV again is immense. It’s better now because I have a better understanding of vaginal infections but it still is emotionally draining. During that year of recurring infection, I would get my hopes up that I finally beat the infection, just for it to return 2 weeks later. The whole process was devastating.

These days, my relationship with my body is healthier. I feel significantly less self-hatred and when I do get BV, it is much easier to cope with. I’m starting to feel more confident and less insecure but it’s a journey.

On top of taking medication, I’ve made lifestyle changes to help minimize the frequency of BV. I only wear cotton underwear (RIP all my beautiful lace and spandex panties). After I work out, I immediately show and change my clothes. I consume regular vitamins specifically for vaginal health. I buy organic lube. I try to avoid certain clothing choices that restrict airflow to the vagina.

But most importantly, I found other women who also had BV. I found online forums and I started asking the women around me. So many people shared similar experiences: lack of education, shame, frustration, and misdiagnosis.

Hearing their stories made me feel less lonely.

So much of my shame was grounded in feeling abnormal and unhealthy, except the reality is BV and other vaginal infections are incredibly common. Our vaginas do wonderful things and are very sensitive body areas, which makes them susceptible to infections.

Having a yeast infection or BV is nothing to be ashamed of! We don’t shame people for having a sinus infection or a cut on their arm, there is no need for shame when it comes to vaginas either.

Our reproductive organs are very complex and occasionally get infections, like any other organ system in our body.

Months of shame are a hard thing to recover from but I’m slowly getting there. From time to time, I still have to actively remind myself that there is nothing wrong with my body (with or without BV).

I have to tell myself that an infection is just that, an infection. It isn’t a reflection on my self-worth or my ability to be a fulfilling sexual partner.

There is so much secrecy and shame around the vagina but there shouldn’t be. As someone who has experienced recurrent BV, I’m here to share that you are not alone. 1/3 of women are with you and your body is not an anomaly. I know it sucks and it’s uncomfortable but try to avoid internal shame.

And most importantly, don’t be afraid to talk about reproductive health! If you're comfortable enough to share your stories, you’ll realize there are so many other women out there going through the same thing. I am forever grateful for all the women in my life and virtually who shared their experiences with me.

So in that same vein, feel free to ask any questions in the comments!

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