Reclaiming My Heart

Brokenness Mended

Monday → how to reclaim emotional intimacy (authentic sharing of thoughts and feelings)

I think I was dead inside for the last few years before I began my spiritual journey. My brokenness led me through most of those years with no passion in my heart, and possibly no love, maybe just a tiny flicker.

After my last relationship ended, I was bitter and brutal, and I wanted no part of any intimate relationships that required an emotional connection. I turned off my emotional switch and created an escape, the only trick of protection I knew, which was to flip into autopilot mode.

What do you mean, you ask? Well, I reverted to my old routine where I became emotionally unavailable. The few men that I “dated”, and I use that term loosely, became just objects that I used to gain a false sense of self-worth.

I must admit that I created some chaos because I was not present in the way they wanted me to be. My only purpose for them was to fill empty voids in my life, but their purpose for me was to develop long-term bonds. Obviously, a recipe for disaster.

On my journey to self-discovery, I have made amends with the men that I “dated” when I was an empty vessel, well the ones that I am still in contact with. I have since forgiven myself for the choices that I made and apologized for the chaos that I caused.

Emotional intimacy — involves candid, authentic sharing of thoughts and feelings. It involves being able to tell each other your deepest fears, dreams, disappointments, and most complicated emotions, as well as feeling seen and understood when you do.

Everything happens for a reason, therefore, I needed to have those experiences because I needed to extract the lessons and grow from them. I have learned a new way to love that will help me to flourish in my future romantic relationship. The most important thing I have learned is that I need to love myself first before I can truly love someone else — self-love.

Another valid lesson that I extracted is, in order to develop a true bond, I have to allow myself space to express vulnerability, a sign that I have expanded my emotional intelligence. I have to be present in my future relationship and show high levels of emotional intimacy.

Emotional intimacy cannot be achieved unless I trust my partner, another lesson that I extracted. Trust can build a sturdy bond between two people who are in a romantic relationship. If you trust your partner, you will be more open to sharing your true feelings and deepest desires.

So 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊., how do I reclaim my emotional intimacy (authentic sharing of thoughts and feelings)? I can reclaim my emotional intimacy through:

• Self-love — I had to learn to love myself before I can truly love someone else in a romantic way.
• Emotional Intelligence — I have to allow myself to be emotionally available and vulnerable in my future relationship.
• Trust — I understand the importance of having trust in a relationship. I have the confidence to trust myself as well as my partner and truly let go of all doubt and fears.

The lessons I extracted will help me to maneuver through the next relationship that I enter into. My emotional switch is set on high because of the work that I have done to reconnect to the feelings in my heart, and from my new understanding of love —one of which is self-love.

My heart is alive, filled with an abundance of joy, and is beating to the drums, throbbing to the frequency of love. Since I have become more emotionally intelligent it has been easier for me to express love and I am on a path to reclaim my emotional intimacy. Universe, I am ready for love, so bring it on…my journey surely continues.

𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. I am truly grateful for this question. It allowed me to self-reflect and examine the obstacles that I faced while I attempted to invite love into my life. Thank you so much.

This was written in response to 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊.’s Monday Prompt:

Thank you all for reading. And thank you 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. for creating the space so that we all can revisit stages in our lives, tell our stories, grow, and heal. KTHT has been a rollercoaster, one that I don’t mind riding.