R-E-C-I-P-R-O-C-I-T-Y
Why not Lend a Helping Hand?
RLF
When I studied film photography, we learned about something called the “Reciprocity Effect.” In photography, exposure depends on time and illumination according to the equation
E(Exposure) = I(Illumination) x t(Time).
This is called the Reciprocity Law. So, if you double the illumination and cut the exposure time in half, the exposure remains the same.
However, with photographic film, in the extremes, something called Reciprocity Law Failure or RLF occurs. The result is that the exposure effect is less than what would be expected for the given time and illumination. (I don’t think there is anything like that in digital photography. However, if you point a camera into the sun, you may see what we call solarization, but I don’t advise doing this as it may damage the camera’s photosensor array.)
RLF in Human Relations
In human relations, we think of reciprocity as give and take. You give I take; I give you take. If what I give matches what you gave, we have a balance and both parties feel they’ve gotten a fair deal. However, if one gives more than the other, the giver may feel slighted when what he or she receives doesn’t match their expectations. This might be termed the reciprocity law failure of human relations.
The Bible says we should give with no expectation of return; sadly, not many of us do this. If we did, the world would be a much better place. More often than not, we give with the expectation of getting something in return, maybe not right away, but somewhere down the road. We expect the recipient will reciprocate — they will give us something of equal or greater value. We may not consciously think this, but human nature is such that it takes a concerted effort to give without any selfish motive. One of the reasons churches, synagogues and mosques exist is to encourage us to do that, to give without expectation of return, to put others first. And people do report that they feel good when helping someone who can’t repay them.
Reciprocity in Japan
My wife is Japanese. She points out, that in Japan people always give gifts on special occasions, sometimes elaborate gifts. But when they do, they expect that sometime in the future, they or someone close to them will receive something of equivalent value. Everyone knows about this social contract, so problems seldom arise.
Most of us operate under the same principle.
As I thought about this word “Reciprocity,” I remembered the acronym template method Tim Maudlin teaches for composing a story. By the way, Tim also talks about reciprocity in one of his recent stories.
We all want to be successful, and practicing reciprocity can help us achieve that goal whatever “success” means to us.
Here’s how I fleshed out an acronym for
R-E-C-I-P-R-O-C-I-T-Y
Reinforcing — Reciprocity boosts our sense of self-worth. Doing something to help or encourage another person makes us feel better about ourselves. It’s a fundamental law of human nature. This good feeling reinforces our desire to be helpful. Sure, sometimes we’ll be disappointed. After all, we humans have many flaws. We often intend to do well but fail miserably for a variety of reasons.
Effort — Nothing can be achieved without effort. Sometimes it may seem the results are not worthwhile. But maybe we just need to look at the situation from a different perspective. What if we tried to see it from the other’s point of view? If we were in their shoes, how would we like to be treated? How does the situation look to them?
The “Build it and they will come” philosophy can achieve miracles. As with priming the pump, we have to put forth some effort before we begin seeing results. I’ve often been amazed that when I give money to a worthwhile cause, I get an unexpected check in the mail for more than the amount I gave. This has happened too many times for me to call it co-incidence. The term I prefer is God-incidence.
Communication — As we communicate, we begin to understand each other better. We come to know the other person’s likes and needs. We see what will help them the most. We may not be able to meet the need ourselves, but we may know someone who can. We can give them a referral, set up a meeting, recommend a book or a website, or maybe we just need to be a listening ear.
Interest — When applied to reciprocity, interest has two meanings. The first has to do with the return on investment. We often get more than we give (as I mentioned above with regard to money given and received). In effect, we get back our investment plus interest.
Second, helping others increases our interest in them and in life in general. We feel more inspired, more motivated. That old saying: it’s better to give than receive proves true.
Productivity — If we’ve helped someone by spending time with them, we may find our own productivity lagging. Maybe we didn’t get everything we’d planned to do done. However, the person we’ve helped may reciprocate in a way that helps us. For example, by suggesting a topic to write about or providing a prompt or challenge that gets our wheels turning. I believe in karma. When we put good energy into relationships and put forth effort to be helpful, we will receive an equal or greater return. It may not come from the person we helped, but it will come. That’s the way God operates; that’s the way the Universe works. You may have to be patient, but it will come.
Relationships — It’s all about building relationships. As we reach out and help others, they will think more kindly about us. Usually, when we like someone, they will like us back.
Others –Though it may not always seem so, if we put others first, we’ll reap greater rewards than if we selfishly demand our share first. We’ll also garner greater esteem from others and our self-esteem will grow. Showing interest in other people can take many forms. One way we do that here on Medium is by reading and interacting with others through our writing and theirs. By following, highlighting, clapping and responding to what we read here on Medium, we encourage other writers both spiritually and financially.
Contract — As mentioned above, reciprocity involves an unwritten contract between us and other people. We do what we can to help and encourage them. They reciprocate by doing the same for us. It’s all voluntary and there’s no reciprocity police force. But, most people feel a social obligation to repay a good deed done for them by either doing something for the person who did it or by “paying it forward.” Most of us feel guilty if we don’t return a favor.
Interacting — Interacting with others often leads to innovative ideas that can stir our creativity. Many times I’ve read something by one author that led me to read a comment that connected me with another writer who inspired me to write something I hadn’t thought of before. Whenever I compliment someone on something they’ve written, I inevitably get a “thank you” in response. And, if someone compliments me, as soon as I read it, I respond with a “thank you” of my own. All the writers whom I admire and follow do that, too.
Totally — When we become totally committed to reaching out to and helping others, we’ll be amazed at the benefits. It’s one of the best cures for depression that exists. Getting our minds off our own concerns and onto the needs of another energizes us. There’s nothing like total commitment to move a person forward.
Yearning — Most everyone on planet earth has built into them a deep desire to help their fellow man. Admittedly, some sociopaths exist, but few fit that description. Another small percentage are lazy and unwilling to lift a hand to help themselves or anyone else. Thankfully, not many fit that description either. Then, too, some have mental deficiencies that prevent them from caring for others or even themselves, in some cases. Most of us, however, don’t fit into those categories. We yearn to do things for the common good that improves society and thereby our lot in it.
I hope this discussion of reciprocity encourages you to reach out a helping hand to someone today. If you do, you’ll make your day and theirs better. Just a simple kind word or a smile can work miracles in lifting someone’s spirits. Let me know if you do and what the result is in a comment in the responses below, or, better yet, write a story about it and tag me.
As always, thanks for reading. I welcome your comments in the responses below.
Happy reading, writing, reciprocating and connecting.
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If you haven’t met him, I’d like to introduce you to my friend Rasheed Hooda.
Rasheed does an excellent job of practicing Reciprocity.