Quotes About Santa Claus

For the love of jolly old Saint Nick

Have you been naughty this year? Have you been nice? You don’t have to admit it to me, but you can be sure that jolly old Saint Nick knows and has created your Christmas present list accordingly. These quotes are about Santa, who may give you the best present ever or leave you with a lump of coal this weekend.

1. “Alas! How dreary would be the world if there was no Santa Claus! There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence.” -Francis P. Church

2. “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” -Shirley Temple Black

3. “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” -George Carlin

4. “The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.” -Steven Wright 5. “Santa Claus has the right idea — visit people only once a year.” -Victor Borge 6. “There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” -Bob Phillips

7. “Whenever anyone was unselfish, that was Santa Claus. Christmas Eve was the time when everybody was unselfish. On that one night, Santa Claus was everywhere, because everybody, all together, stopped being selfish and wanted other people to be happy. And in the morning you saw what that had done.” -Laura Ingalls Wilder

8. “Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!” -Francis P. Church

9. “Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.” -Scott Dikkers

10. “No matter what, I always make it home for Christmas. I love to go to my Tennessee Mountain Home and invite all of my nieces and nephews and their spouses and kids and do what we all like to do — eat, laugh, trade presents, and just enjoy each other…and sometimes I even dress up like Santa Claus!” -Dolly Parton 11. “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” -Gary Allan

12. “How do you know when Santa’s in the room? You can sense his presents.” -Unknown

13. “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” -Robert Paul

14. “An ounce of goodness every day, Can soothe the heart in many ways, An ounce of goodness ‘just because’ Don’t wait until Christmas to be Santa Claus.” -Charmaine J. Forde

15. “So I’ve started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don’t need Santa seeing me in my underwear.” -Jeff Kinney

16. “God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is ‘sposed to be a happy time.” -Bil Keane

17. “Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit…Santa, who was jolly — but, let’s face it, he was also very judgmental.” -Julia Sweeney 18. “Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don’t, who will?” -Jon Bon Jovi 19. “What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.” -Unknown

20. “The greatest thing is not to believe in Santa Claus; it is to be Santa Claus.” -Pat Boone

21. “Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you’re helping Santa Claus. To me, that’s what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus!” -Louis Sachar

22. “We all ought to understand we’re on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn’t do kids any harm for a few years, but it isn’t smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.” -Andy Rooney

23. “For me growing up, Christmas time was always the most fantastic, exciting time of year, and you’d stay up until three in the morning. You’d hear the parents wrapping in the other room but you knew that also, maybe, they were in collusion with Santa Claus.” -Chris Pine 24. “I think we’ve taken the meaning of Christmas out. People don’t stop and think about Jesus or the birth of Jesus. When they think of Christmas, they think of Santa Claus and — for the children, and they think of giving gifts and out-giving the next person of spending their time looking for the right thing for somebody who has everything.” -Billy Graham 25. “Here’s what we know about Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good. I think he’s with the NSA.” -David Letterman

26. “It’s always good for us to pause And think awhile of Santa Claus — That jolly symbol we revere When we approach the changing year. Behind his beard so long and white, In which our children take delight, There beats a heart from color free Which bids all children ‘come to me.’” -Marshall M. Morgan

27. “Dear Santa, Before I explain, how much do you know already?” -Anonymous

28. “Kids believe in Santa; adults believe in childhood.” -Cate Kennedy

29. “For a time, I believed not in God nor Santa Claus, but in mermaids. They seemed as logical and possible to me as the brittle twig of a seahorse in the zoo aquarium or the skates lugged up on the lines of cursing Sunday fishermen — skates the shape of old pillowslips with the full, coy lips of women.” -Sylvia Plath 30. “Christmases past, my sister Carolyn and I — we’d been waiting for Santa all night. Nothing! Where is this man?” -Aretha Franklin 31. “I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.” -Unknown

32. “In this age of instant coffee, overnight rush deliveries, and 30-second media sound bites, it’s not surprising that children have discovered that their letters to Santa Claus can be sent by email.” -Patrick Flaherty

33. “Of course there is a Santa Claus. It’s just that no single somebody could do all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That’s why everybody is Santa Claus. I am. You are.” -Truman Capote

34. “You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I’m telling you why, Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.” -Craig Ferguson

35. “You can’t trick The Universe — it’s like Santa Claus that way.” -Tracy McMillan 36. “I still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and true love. Don’t even try to tell me different.” -Dolly Parton

37. “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” -Henny Youngman

38. “Never deny the babies their Christmas! It is the shining seal set upon, a year of happiness. Let them believe in Santa Claus, or St. Nicholas; or Kriss Kringle, or whatever name the jolly Dutch saint bears in your religion.” -Mary Virginia Terhune

39. “If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it’s gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus.” -Jack Handy

40. “They err who thinks Santa Claus comes down through the chimney; he really enters through the heart.” -Paul M. Ell

41. “What is the real purpose behind the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus? They seem like greater steps toward faith and imagination, each with a payoff. Like cognitive training exercises.” -Chuck Palahniuk 42. “Everything that you want Santa to be, he is.” -Mick Foley 43. “Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?” -Tom Armstrong

44. “It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” -Unknown

45. “A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn’t any Santa Claus, and he’s still upset.” -James Gould

46. “It’s like pretending to be Santa and then stabbing someone with a candy cane!” -J.B. Stanley

47. “I was one of the wildest Santa Clauses they ever had.” -Mr. T 48. “You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” -Kate Summers

49. “I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him.” -Theodore W. Higginsworth

50. “Santa Claus is anyone who loves another and seeks to make them happy; who gives himself by thought or word or deed in every gift that he bestows; who shares his joys with those who are sad; whose hand is never closed against the needy; whose arm is ever outstretched to aid the weak; whose sympathy is quick and genuine in time of trouble; who recognizes a comrade and brother in every man he meets upon life’s common road; who lives his life throughout the entire year in the Christmas spirit.” -Edwin Osgood Grover

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Sources:

Funny Christmas Quotes to Lighten Up your Holidays. Everyday Power. https://everydaypower.com/funny-christmas-quotes/

Jones, M. (2020, October 5). 27 Santa Quotes to Celebrate the Magic of Christmas. Country Living. https://www.countryliving.com/life/g30121832/santa-quotes/

Pelzer, K. (2022, December 8). We’ve Checked Our List Twice! Here Are the 50 Most Magical Santa Claus Quotes. Parade. https://parade.com/1136236/kelseypelzer/santa-quotes/

Santa Claus Quotes. BrainyQuote. https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/santa-claus-quotes

Santa Quotes. BrainyQuote. https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/santa-quotes

Santa Quotes. Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/santa