Quiet Cultivation Of Will And Energy
Fuck this neurotic run after confidence
The absurdity of running after confidence or positivity can be dropped. But it does not make sense to most people to drop it.
But to some, it makes sense to not waste energy chasing confidence or any fantasy mental state.
Despite the strong urge to be pulled into the inertia of conformity, they had not yet given up connection with their intelligence and wisdom which is rightfully theirs to exercise — so they can sense it.
This pull towards getting and owning the perfect mental state or a state of being is nothing but a lack of will and vitality. It is a state of being completely taken over by laziness, stupidity, and apathy.
There is an infantile period for which nature permits stupidity and manipulation of energy. But then we better begin to learn when we realize the futility of it. Nature wants us to grow up. It says, “I had tolerated your stupid games, now enough, please.”
We must exercise the capacity or will to look within into our own insecurities and cover-up stupidities. Though the culture does not entertain it. It is up to us.
Stop eating from me and start paying back by exercising your intelligence — it begs, nature.
Be present and take notice of the vehicle called yourself — the body-mind.
“Begin to learn to drive it properly,” it begs of us.
Be honest with your lack of will and energy. And do not irritably run to fill it up with mental gimmicks and tricks. Remember the infant period is over. We have the capacity to pause, reflect, and learn.
Stop swallowing stupidities vomited through self-improvement manuals.
Stop being so weak and submissive to allow some guru to get in and mentally fuck you up subtly or overtly (as if they genuinely give a fuck about you or even themselves other than to maintain their outward show) — itching to conform.
We need to find the strength within to rely on our own intelligence and wisdom by exercising it, not mental cleverness and endless manipulations.
When there is a lack of will, energy, or confidence we can begin to look at it, pause and learn to deal with it inwardly first without excuses (and that requires us to exercise and awaken intelligence within, not some guru’s tricks or therapist’s tricks unless they themselves had bothered to walk the real path — not the path of conformity).
“It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it.”― Upton Sinclair, I, Candidate for Governor: And How I Got Licked
To grow up enough to tolerate such states without friction. And learning to shift gears of your own body-mind vehicle. When to down-shift, to neutral, to pause and regain energy, and when to up-shift and flow, etc. No self-improvement guru can teach us all these things, not that he/she has a fucking clue anyway. We either are exercising courage within or simply conforming.
As Rollo May said, “Opposite of courage is not cowardice but conformity.”
And yes, conformity is within, rebellion is also within. No one can do it for us. No manual. We are given the vehicle and it’s up to us to learn to drive it energy-efficiently. Rather than weakening it with stupid tricks for our stubborn refusal to take control back from the robotic mode and learn to drive it — autonomy.
Will is not cultivated through mental masturbation of will-power or motivational doses, that is lazy thinking. In fact, it is infantile manipulation tactics.
If we are scared to tolerate and learn to deal with difficult mental states, anxiety, a low mood, a lack of confidence, or whatever, how can we even think of chasing confidence? Surely it must be a joke or purposeful humor or plain stupidity. And there is no shortage for people serving you how to be confident, even though they had not found it all these years despite the outward show.
Self-improvement gurus can’t wait to ride others but isn’t least interested in learning how to ride themselves. The joy of controlling others and thereby validating their own bullshit. We are like helpless infants waiting for someone to ride us. And there is no shortage of gurus taking advantage of it.
We must be so dumb to believe that we are entitled to have some confident state alone or good moods alone, much like saying, I will only ride through super-perfect highways. Rather than learning to work with all of it as it comes. And that someone can give us the method to have it.
To be concerned with maintaining confidence is like hoping that I can always ride my car at 100km/hr because I don’t know what to do if the speed has to be reduced. I had not put the effort to learn that. I was concerned with maintaining my fantasy, of course, at the expense of wastage of energy and inner vitality.
After all, I am supposed to learn to ride the vehicle I got, not someone else’s, it’s not that I can steal someone else’s and then ride comfortably by copying their bed time habits. ☺
If we are always running after whatever the internal robotic mind says rather than to open our eyes and look, then when reality really bites our ass, after we drain our energy by forcing and manipulation to make us feel mentally safe as a way to cope with our mental bubble stories in the head, there would no will or energy left for us to deal with it — thanks to the commitment to stupidity. Hadn’t you witnessed super gurus falling with their nose flat when reality really takes a bite, after the infantile show-off phase?
Apathy is not just laying down on the couch and eating cheese sandwiches or playing video games. Apathy is very much the case when we are running in the opposite direction blindly. Though we take cruel and sadistic specialness when someone is driven into apathy when their intelligence fails to fall for the stupidity of submissiveness fed to them as heroism. Instead of understanding them, maybe they have the solution, we shame them into obedience. Apathy covered in shining clothes is still apathy. There is no hope whatsoever if we are glorifying our own style of apathy as courage. To not risk but lazily conform because it is what is easy to do has nothing to do with growing up.
Ignorance is bliss, alright, but an unexamined life isn’t worth living either